Therapist said something awful. *trigger*

*trigger warning- rape and injury*

I emailed my therapist a lot more details a few days ago about when I was really horrendously attacked and raped when I was a child. We’ve spoke about it a little bit, but I didn’t tell anyone about the attack at the time.

It was really really difficult to type and even harder to actually talk about.

He said something that really upset me. I am sorry if this upsets anyone here because it did really upset me

While we were talking he said something along the lines of “that must of been really awful and painful being raped by grown men when you were so young, not just the emotional stuff, but I bet it caused quite a lot of damage there”, this comment has made me feel like repulsive damaged goods. I’m pretty sure he’s implying about my genitals. I never thought about that before. As far as I’m concerned it’s all okay down there. It’s made me feel so embarrassed. I couldn’t even answer, I just said “I hate them so much”. It’s made me feel so inadequate.

Am I over reacting or would you be upset?

I find your therapist's comment more than a little odd. He should not be guessing at what was the physical impact of your being sexually assaulted. Some rape victims sustain injuries that have long-term physical consequences. Some rape victims don't. It sounds like he was inviting you to elaborate on your experience in a way that strikes me as very inappropriate. He might better have asked if you felt you had received proper and sufficient medical care and if you were continuing to access appropriate gynecological care from a provider with whom you had a good rapport. He should not have been speculating about your gynecological well-being. I'm not surprised you were upset by his remark. It makes me wonder if he should even be counseling a female survivor of rape. Listen to your gut. The guy sounds a little creepy to me. Maybe he had a momentary lapse of judgement. But it doesn't sound like he has any sense of how to counsel a rape victim. I'm no expert on the subject, but I'm sure there are guidelines that professionals follow and that he has no sense of what those are. I don't think any tactful, mature adult would have made that remark, let alone a licensed therapist.

Unless this guy gives some solid evidence, quite soon, that he has something to offer for your benefit, I would advise you to move on and get another counselor. Therapy that leaves you feeling the way you describe is not very therapeutic. Counselors working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse should have training specific to that very issue. That should include supervised clinical work with survivors of such abuse. I doubt he's had much of that.

You would be justified in not continuing with this therapist. I hope you can find the support you need and deserve from someone competent to provide it.

I would have found that extremely upsetting. Extremely. I have only ever had female ts and none of them have ever asked such an intimate question. I would find it very inappropriate even coming from them, let alone a male therapist.
If i was in your situation I doubt very much I would ever be able to address it with the T. I would be filled with so much shame I would simply never want to talk about it ever again.
I am so sorry he made that comment to you - he obviously didn't realize what a douchebag question it was.
What are you going to do?

Amy makes an important point about the T.'s gender. Male therapists need to be especially as sensitive. I did not want to tell you to only see female therapists. But I do think there is a greater risk of not being heard sympathetically and sensitively by a male T, as opposed to a female T.