[Esmme]

I'm now seeing a new therapist...

I saw her once a couple of weeks ago and she's very nice. I recently spent a month in IP treatment, and while I was in the ambulance, the ambulance technician who was sitting beside me started touching me...

Possible trigger:

I went to the ER that day, I usually don't wear a bra, so I went braless. I was put in a hospital gown... I only was able to wear my pants because my mom noticed I was cold and told the nurse at the ER that I was shivering.

Anyway, I was wearing the hospital down, barely tied together so my back was exposed... I was restrained in the gurney because I was committed against my will. I went into the ambulance and I was scared.

The tech started talking to me. It was innocent at first. Just questions like, "So where are you from?" "How do you like this state?"

I answered... Then after a while, it started getting creepy... Like, "So, did you leave a boyfriend behind when you moved?" "You're too young to have a boyfriend, anyway!"

Then after a while he said he was going to check my blood pressure. He put the cuff around my arm, then slipped his hand through my sleeve and started . touching my breasts... I have scars all over my arms. So after he started touching my breasts he asked, "Did you cut yourself here too?" And I was so scared I didn't say anything. Then he started fondling my breasts.

He kept periodically touching me every few minutes saying he was "just checking my blood pressure". I started to sweat like a sinner in church and he said, "Oh, are you wet?" And started to touch my crotch, and I nearly screamed, "I'm sweating!!!". He stopped eventually.

I am scared. I want to tell my therapist about this, I haven't told ANYONE in person about what happened to me in the ambulance. The worst was that I was so scared I froze up and started having flashbacks of previous abuse.

I feel like I'm holding in a dirty secret and if I tell anyone then I'll get struck by lightening. I don't know how to tell anyone, not even my therapist. I am worried about telling someone, but I need to get it off my chest before I explode!

I'm just feeling so terrible.

I don't know what I am asking for, or what kind of responses I want...
I just hope that someone out there understands and I am not alone

[Wild Coyote]

You are not alone!

It's very common for victims of abuse to feel as though they cannot talk about what has happened to them.

I am so sorry this has happened to you! I feel very angry toward this ambulance technician!

I am also very sorry about any other past abuse. It can be so very difficult to endure the triggering of memories of prior abuse.

I hope that, in time, you feel you can trust your therapist enough to share. I think it may be very helpful for you. Of course, talking about it makes it even more real and can be very difficult. Yet, keeping it all in and to yourself may also present some ongoing difficulties.

Thanks for sharing here.
I am saddened for you and am very concerned about you.


WC

[Amyjay]

I am so sorry this happened to you when you were in such a vulnerable state. I hope you are able to tell your therapist about it. The freeze response in that situation was not a personal failing but a normal physiological response to threat. It wasn't a "choice". You were not responsible to "choosing" to act in that way rather than a different way. In stressful situations the body is flooded with stress hormones that determine behavior to "increase the chance of surviving the threat". You were flooded with stress hormones that made you freeze. All that really says about the situation was that the mans behavior was so threatening it caused your brain to go into survival mode.

Hopefully when you muster up the courage to talk about this with your therapist there will be no bolts of lightning, only relief.

[nicoleflynn]

Yes, please tell your therapists, holding that secret will be too painful.

[Esmme]

I was able to talk to my therapist about it.
She said she was very, very angry that he did that. She also said that if I wanted to report it, I could.

She also gave me some affirmations to say every day.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Esmme

I'm now seeing a new therapist...

I saw her once a couple of weeks ago and she's very nice. I recently spent a month in IP treatment, and while I was in the ambulance, the ambulance technician who was sitting beside me started touching me...

Possible trigger:

I went to the ER that day, I usually don't wear a bra, so I went braless. I was put in a hospital gown... I only was able to wear my pants because my mom noticed I was cold and told the nurse at the ER that I was shivering.

Anyway, I was wearing the hospital down, barely tied together so my back was exposed... I was restrained in the gurney because I was committed against my will. I went into the ambulance and I was scared.

The tech started talking to me. It was innocent at first. Just questions like, "So where are you from?" "How do you like this state?"

I answered... Then after a while, it started getting creepy... Like, "So, did you leave a boyfriend behind when you moved?" "You're too young to have a boyfriend, anyway!"

Then after a while he said he was going to check my blood pressure. He put the cuff around my arm, then slipped his hand through my sleeve and started . touching my breasts... I have scars all over my arms. So after he started touching my breasts he asked, "Did you cut yourself here too?" And I was so scared I didn't say anything. Then he started fondling my breasts.

He kept periodically touching me every few minutes saying he was "just checking my blood pressure". I started to sweat like a sinner in church and he said, "Oh, are you wet?" And started to touch my crotch, and I nearly screamed, "I'm sweating!!!". He stopped eventually.

I am scared. I want to tell my therapist about this, I haven't told ANYONE in person about what happened to me in the ambulance. The worst was that I was so scared I froze up and started having flashbacks of previous abuse.

I feel like I'm holding in a dirty secret and if I tell anyone then I'll get struck by lightening. I don't know how to tell anyone, not even my therapist. I am worried about telling someone, but I need to get it off my chest before I explode!

I'm just feeling so terrible.

I don't know what I am asking for, or what kind of responses I want...
I just hope that someone out there understands and I am not alone

You are not alone!