[Vkwong]

Hey everyone !!

So I just had a question about something that not a lot of people in my life are able to help me with so I am hoping that someone who has gone through a similar situation can give me a bit of insight .

So i have been in a really bad domestic violence situation is the past where I had left me with a lot of ptsd and at first when I got out of it I would have nightmares and flashbacks about certain incidents that occurred but slowly I started to forget about it and I stopped having nightmares and flashbacks leading me to believe that I have gotten over it until .. my ex came back into my life a changed man and I don’t know if it was loneliness but it seemed like a good idea to get back with him (because our child).Things were awesome at first and he was really good and I could tell he had really changed until we got into our first argument and then I slowly found myself holding back from him even though he hadn’t done anything to me and I slowly started self sabbotoging my relationship and I found myself afraid to talk to him and be honest wit what I am feeling in fear that we would fight even though he has always reassured me that things will be ok. My question is if this is normal or not . I can’t tell if it’s my commitment issues or if I hadn’t gotten over the past .

Hope this wasn’t too long and I wasn’t rambling .

Any advice is appreciated !

Abuse is cyclical, it repeats itself, and when you get back together, they are on their best behavior. One should NEVER feel afraid in a relationship. That fear is real and it's because he's been abusive and you're afraid he will be abusive again, which he will, I'm very sorry to say.

Listen to what your body is telling you. FEAR. You're afraid of him. And you're sabotaging it because you know you shouldn't be there. Why did you even go back? Sorry to say, but that was a big mistake. Abusive people do not change. Tigers don't change their stripes. He only wooed you back in, pretending to be a different and a "changed" person. Trust me, he hasn't changed. He will abuse again. I'm very sorry, but get out, is my advice. You're going to do even more damage to yourself if you stick around to see it happen all over again.

[Vkwong]

Thank you for your response !

I went back because we spent 2 years apart and he really seemed to have worked on himself an I thought that if in which case he has actually changed then I would give my child a shot at having a whole family . I mean I’m not defending him In any way but now even when we fight he hasn’t ever put his hands on me or said anything bad to me so that’s why I’m confused a bit and I think that it’s possibly me you know ? If that makes any sense at all

[12AM]

I’m not an expert and no one can diagnose anyone here, but I think you’re showing some symptoms of C-PTSD due to the ongoing abuse that happened to you in past. Something to talk about with your therapist if you’re in a therapy. Here’s the link about C-PTSD, see if you can relate. Sending hugs

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) — Out of the FOG

Originally Posted by Vkwong

Thank you for your response !

I went back because we spent 2 years apart and he really seemed to have worked on himself an I thought that if in which case he has actually changed then I would give my child a shot at having a whole family . I mean I’m not defending him In any way but now even when we fight he hasn’t ever put his hands on me or said anything bad to me so that’s why I’m confused a bit and I think that it’s possibly me you know ? If that makes any sense at all

It's not you, but you probably do still have PTSD.

He put his hands on you in the past? He has been physically violent towards you??

I understand wanting to give it a chance for child's sake, but honestly, I don't have high hopes for him. As I said before, he's on his best behavior now, abuse is cyclical, and most likely he will ramp up again. If he has gotten physical before, it may very well happen again. Just be very wary.