[okiedokie]

...decided what's the point?

There is so much misery posted here already. My story is just another story with a different main character. That's all.

It involves the same shock, disappointment and family betrayal. The same resulting depression, PTSD and trauma.

My dad was the perpetrator. I've been holding so tightly to my mother's memory as I felt she was all I ever had.

Now, I find out yesterday that she knew what was happening and turned a deaf ear. She ignored my and my brother's screams of terror.

My brother begged me to call 911. But I was only 3 years old. I didn't know how.

I don't know if I can live with this new knowledge. There just will never be any relief in this world. There isn't enough therapy in the world to fix this.
Okie

(((((((((okie))))))))

so sorry my friend, gentle hugs, I know they aren't enough to wipe out hurt and pain, I hear you so well, I've been there too, just know you are not alone and I am here if you need to vent. There is a light at the end of this tunnel of misery, we are true survivors, we have learned a very hard way of life, in the end we are bettr people because of it, more caring and aware of things and peoples hurt and pain....

wish I could ease your pain, Love, Jinny xxxxxx holding your hand.

[Cyran0]

(((((okie))))))

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((okie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry for what you experienced. Know I am out here to help support you and how I understand all your pain. Each of our stories are individual but all of them sad. Please never minimize what happened. I hope you start to heal.

BB

[sabby]

((((((((((((( okie )))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It matters not what other's issues are posted here (I don't mean that others problems don't matter...just that you have a right to yours)...yours are just as important and deserve as much support as everyone else's.

You will work through this hon....I have faith in you and your abilities to help yourself and for all the support you will receive along the way from PC.

I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. But I do empathize with you and understand how it feels to find out that you have been betrayed by someone you loved dearly. My heart does go out to you as well as my hand of friendship. You can lean on me anytime you need to, for anything.

Hold on to us okie.....let us hold you up when you are feeling weak and down. We care!


sabby

[mtd]

okie, You have the right to post your story, and if you feel the need to, you should even if it looks like others. You have these rights because you also have a right to heal. The more we tell our stories, the more power it takes out of the abuse. Facing your truth, revealing your truth, and speaking your truth is very important to healing. Yes, we have a lot in common, but that doesn't make your pain go away by itself.

And you can live with the knowledge and the truth. The truth, and horror, of your past was decided by someone else. You don't have to own that -- it wasn't your fault. Today, you have the power to choose how you will heal. That will be your new truth. Most importantly, we can all do this together. You are not alone.

be well,

mtd

[DocClyde]

(((okie)))

Like everyone else mentioned, we all do care and we all will listen, if you want us to do so.

Your stories are just as important as anyone else's. If you come here and don't seek help, and you need help, you acquire nothing from the transaction (except knowing a "great" therapist LOL and other friends).

Feel free to PM me and talk about it that way if it makes you more comfortable...I am sorry you are going through this, my dear--we all wish and hope to make you feel more comfortable and relaxed...cause we all love you and care for you

x infinity

[Perna]

It's not just another main character, it's You!

{{{Okie}}}

Okie... I am so sorry... so very, very sorry.... the betrayal slices thru the heart... I found out... too.... about my mother's knowledge... and it wounds the heart...

[happyflowergirl]

(((((okie))))

I don't think I have ever posted to you before, but finding that your mother knew, is like experience the ultimate betrayal. That is so heart breaking.
I truely didn't believe my dad knew what my mom was doing to me and my brother, because she was very cleaver to only do when he wasn't at home, and to places that couldn't been seen.

But if I were to find out that my dad knew and didn't do anything, I would be very devestated. OMG

You are right about this board, and its many trigger Icons, they should just but a big trigger on the title of this board. But I believe you posting helps me know I am not alone, because I bet you know how lonely child abuse makes you feel when you are young. Even though the stores are simular, it doesn't make the pain any less. Please post if it helps you. BUt I belive it totally sucks to be a part of this board, not because of the wonderful board, but the circumstances that brought us here. (((((everyone))))) Take care

[DePressMe]

Okie...I don't know what to say...3 years old is so young to have that much guilt placed on you. I truly am sorry you had to endure abuse at the hands of somebody who was suppose to love and protect you.

We can never "fix" what happened to us in the past. We can only try to find some way to deal with it so we can feel like the wonderful people we are and always have been....

I feel for you and your pain...

[50guy]

Memory can be a painful thing. Sometimes I don't want to remember, but I do.

What keeps me going is the fact that I was such a little kid when this happened. Why I never told is one subject that bothers me. I was abused at age 9 through 11. My cousin, his friends and any other pervert in the neighborhood that knew I was an easy mark.

Some days I would like to hunt them all down and shoot them like (I would say dogs, but dogs are way better than them) the trash they are. Heck, even trash is better than them.

Other days I couldn't care less.

[okiedokie]

((((Everyone)))))

Thank you to each of you. Your responses made me cry.

I'm in a lot of pain. I'm not very good at putting words to feelings. Also, am not used to being "helped." I'm a trained "helper."

But, I do need your help. I'm suffering in silence. My brother suffers terribly still. He is 51 years old and lives in my dad's basement. He is untreated bipolar. I'm surprised he hasn't killed my dad. I always thought he would.

Thank you again for responding to me. I know you are all suffering too. It was very kind of you to reach out to me.
XOXO,
Okie

[happyflowergirl]

(((((Okie)))) I am sorry things are so rough right now. But you are not really alone, you have us here. I am training to be a helper myself, but I have to deal with my stuff before I attempt to really be strong to help others as a T.

I lost my brother a month ago due to complications due to child abuse he suffered. He was only 36, he was in so much pain, athough I miss him so much, he is out of his misery. It gives me strenght to move forward, because he didn't get a chance to.

I think you need to allow youself to be cared for. I am a mother, so I understand the caretaker role, but sometimes you need to take a moment for yourself. Accept help, it actually shows how strong you are for doing what you really need. Take care okie, I love your kitty!