[Rive1976]

So if you are with someone and you are not on the pill or using any contraceptives.You ask your partner to pull out because you dont want to get pregnant and they basically ignore what you are saying and continue. Is this rape?

[Betty_Banana]

If you were having consensual sex and ask your partner to pull out so you don't get pregnant and they shoot in you anyway,how could that even be considered rape in your eyes?It's called "oops,I think it would be wise to start using birth control.Men aren't very good at pulling out,it's just simple fact.

Is there more to this story that would make you wonder if it was rape?

[Rive1976]

Yes but they shouldnt just keep going because they dont feel like pulling out because it doesnt feel as good.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Dnester

So if you are with someone and you are not on the pill or using any contraceptives.You ask your partner to pull out because you dont want to get pregnant and they basically ignore what you are saying and continue. Is this rape?

no this is not rape here in New York State. Pulling out before ejaculation does not prevent pregnancy....

1 a man secretes fluid before they hit ejaculation, that fluid called pre cum (pre ejaculation can in .........some.......... cases have active sperm in it.

2 pulling out at the point of orgasm/ ejaculation the fluid can land anywhere in or outside or on hands or the blankets/ sheets which allows for "travelers" to still reach their destination.

here in ny statistics are 1 in 4 using the pull out method ends up preg.

in order for pulling out to 100 percent prevent pregnancy a person has to put out long before any pre ejaculation happens and not spill on bed or surface where enjoyment is happening and wash completely hands included if hands have been used for stimulation.

my point most people dont want to take that chance nor stop the action just to go wash and apply clean bedding and such before completing the action.

my suggestion use protection. its not only a mans responsibility these days. they do make female condoms, female birth control and male birth control options like condoms. a friend of mine carries a complete set in her purse for just such occasions as her guy say oops I dont have anything. she opens her purse and says thats ok Im prepared here you go this one is yours and this one is mine Ill put yours on if you will insert mine for me.

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Yes but they shouldnt just keep going because they dont feel like pulling out because it doesnt feel as good.

I'm not saying it's ok I'm just saying it happens.They don't always do it purposely they just have a hard time stopping.

[Anaidx]

I also say it's not rape. You're both willingly engaging in consensual sex... you're just not both agreeing on the terms.

Whether it's rape in the eyes of the law or not, I do not know ... But,

If a person I was having an intimate relationship with disrespected me in such a manner, I'd seriously reconsider whether I'd want to continue in the relationship in any way, shape or form - sexual or otherwise!

[Rive1976]

I know for a fact this person just didnt want to pull out so i was just wondering but yes Pfrog thats true.

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I know for a fact this person just didnt want to pull out so i was just wondering but yes Pfrog thats true.

That's a bit different than your original post.I assumed there was more to the story and why I asked.

While I'm not sure whether it would be considered rape or not,at the least it was a ****** thing to do

[cryingontheinside]

Although i don't think its rape , i think he disrespected you and your wishes by not doing as you asked . i would not want to continue any rekationship with them if it was me

Originally Posted by Dnester

So if you are with someone and you are not on the pill or using any contraceptives.You ask your partner to pull out because you dont want to get pregnant and they basically ignore what you are saying and continue. Is this rape?

Hello Dnester. I am sorry this happened to you. It sounds frightening and stressful. I believe the correct term for this (if you feel certain that your wishes regarding zero ejaculation were intentionally disregarded) is sexual assault. You did not give consent for ejaculation without a barrier (such as a condom) therefore your partner did not respect your boundaries and violated your trust. I have a couple of suggestions for you. These suggestions come from a place of peace and concern so please take them or leave them as you see fit.

Try to discuss this event with your partner (if you did not already) by calmly pointing out that your wishes were for zero vaginal ejaculation and zero unplanned pregnancy. You could say something like "please explain to me what happened from your point of view?" Sit back and wait to see how your partner responds. If he seems confused or apologetic or willing to discuss...it is possible that this was a sexual misunderstanding. That does happen sometimes and is a different thing from assault. Was this your only time of concern or is this a pattern??

If your partner responds with anger (when you calmly state your feelings/concerns) or defensiveness or stonewalling (refusing to discuss) then I recommend that you take some time to think things through on your own.

Do you know about Plan B? It is an over-the counter pill which can be taken within a few days of unprotected sex in order to prevent pregnancy. I don't know your value system or wishes but if you are not wishing to be pregnant and within ~ 72 hours of ejaculation, that is a legal option for you.

I think it is very important for you to have time to consider if your partner is a safe and respectful individual to be sharing your body with. A couple of things you posted suggest to me that you are possibly doubtful about that.

I have had several friends who dealt with rape and sexual assault...including within a marriage (her husband often ignored her refusal of consent). I have heard how traumatic these issues are. I would never want to condescend to you or tell you how to live your life but your post is very concerning. Please consider taking time for yourself. I believe that any respectful man would "pull out" on request. If not, is it possible he did not hear you or misunderstood in the moment?? Was this discussed ahead of time?

Hope this helps. Please consider Plan B asap (local drugstore) if you are worried about an unplanned pregnancy and it does not conflict with your belief system.

Remember that you are a precious being in the Universe and deserve to be treated that way. That includes respect for your physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual boundaries. Nobody "owns" or has rights to your body. Your body belongs only to you therefore you make the decisions about your vagina and uterus.

The literature on the "pull out method" is contentious though I know that many MDs say it is unsafe and unreliable for preventing pregnancy. I assume you already know that this would not protect you from STDs. You may like to talk this over with an OB-GYN and/or a sex therapist.

Peace and good health to you!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Dnester

So if you are with someone and you are not on the pill or using any contraceptives.You ask your partner to pull out because you dont want to get pregnant and they basically ignore what you are saying and continue. Is this rape?

Yes it is rape.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211

Hello Dnester. I am sorry this happened to you. It sounds frightening and stressful. I believe the correct term for this (if you feel certain that your wishes regarding zero ejaculation were intentionally disregarded) is sexual assault. You did not give consent for ejaculation without a barrier (such as a condom) therefore your partner did not respect your boundaries and violated your trust. I have a couple of suggestions for you. These suggestions come from a place of peace and concern so please take them or leave them as you see fit.

Try to discuss this event with your partner (if you did not already) by calmly pointing out that your wishes were for zero vaginal ejaculation and zero unplanned pregnancy. You could say something like "please explain to me what happened from your point of view?" Sit back and wait to see how your partner responds. If he seems confused or apologetic or willing to discuss...it is possible that this was a sexual misunderstanding. That does happen sometimes and is a different thing from assault. Was this your only time of concern or is this a pattern??

If your partner responds with anger (when you calmly state your feelings/concerns) or defensiveness or stonewalling (refusing to discuss) then I recommend that you take some time to think things through on your own.

Do you know about Plan B? It is an over-the counter pill which can be taken within a few days of unprotected sex in order to prevent pregnancy. I don't know your value system or wishes but if you are not wishing to be pregnant and within ~ 72 hours of ejaculation, that is a legal option for you.

I think it is very important for you to have time to consider if your partner is a safe and respectful individual to be sharing your body with. A couple of things you posted suggest to me that you are possibly doubtful about that.

I have had several friends who dealt with rape and sexual assault...including within a marriage (her husband often ignored her refusal of consent). I have heard how traumatic these issues are. I would never want to condescend to you or tell you how to live your life but your post is very concerning. Please consider taking time for yourself. I believe that any respectful man would "pull out" on request. If not, is it possible he did not hear you or misunderstood in the moment?? Was this discussed ahead of time?

Hope this helps. Please consider Plan B asap (local drugstore) if you are worried about an unplanned pregnancy and it does not conflict with your belief system.

Remember that you are a precious being in the Universe and deserve to be treated that way. That includes respect for your physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual boundaries. Nobody "owns" or has rights to your body. Your body belongs only to you therefore you make the decisions about your vagina and uterus.

The literature on the "pull out method" is contentious though I know that many MDs say it is unsafe and unreliable for preventing pregnancy. I assume you already know that this would not protect you from STDs. You may like to talk this over with an OB-GYN and/or a sex therapist.

Peace and good health to you!

Thank you!

[Marylin]

Yes, your wishes should have been respected.I don't know that it is rape,you initially consented I don't know if, legally ,changing your mind in the middle of the act ,after initially consenting is classed as rape. Presuming it wasn't the sex you didn't want but an unplanned pregnancy then I would say no it wasn't rape.I advise you to find other methods of contraception rather than rely on the pull out method.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Yes but they shouldnt just keep going because they dont feel like pulling out because it doesnt feel as good.

I completely agree!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Whether it's rape in the eyes of the law or not, I do not know ... But,

If a person I was having an intimate relationship with disrespected me in such a manner, I'd seriously reconsider whether I'd want to continue in the relationship in any way, shape or form - sexual or otherwise!

I agree. I would do the same. But I would review the law. Just to make sure.

[whatdoesitmean]

No. this is not rape. Rape is when you say, "No", period.

Did you say. "No", to sex?

Originally Posted by whatdoesitmean

No. this is not rape. Rape is when you say, "No", period.

Did you say. "No", to sex?

Women have a right to refuse sex or end sex at any point including during the act. They also have a right to a barrier or to stipulate their wishes regarding the sexual act...what it involves...what it does not involve.

People could argue all day long whether this met the legal definition of "rape" (remember that up until quite recently, most states in the U.S. did not recognize rape within a marriage as a possibility so the law isn't always an ally)...but it is obvious that a violation of boundaries occurred if in fact wishes were made clear and intentionally ignored. To me, that is the real problem.

Dnester, I wanted you to know that I asked my significant other (a man) about your scenario. Though of course I did not mention this site or your profile name or anything identifying. His response was as follows, without any editing from me:

"What do you mean the guy wouldn't pull out? Of course that's a choice! Yes, men get excited in the middle of sex but we always have control over our bodies...if a man doesn't pull out, that's because he chose not to, not because he couldn't. Any guy who says otherwise is not being honest. If he didn't hear her say to pull out, that's different obviously. But if he heard and said he couldn't stop himself, I don't buy it."

Sharing someone's body via sex is an honor; not a right. And a lot of responsibilities go along with that honor. I hope that one day the world catches on to this reality.

I have heard of a new trend among young men called "stealthing" whereby the man verbally agrees to the woman's request for a condom and then he removes it at some point when she doesn't see and continues the sex. There is a movement of feminists who are endeavoring to have this act included as rape under the law because it involves penetration without consent. I agree with this movement. This is one of the most disturbing sexual practices I have heard. Apparently there are young men out there bragging about it. I am also quite disturbed when some women also engage in blaming the victim. Women need to support each other in the journey toward equal care and consideration from men. When we turn on each other, we are not helping matters.

Peace and love to all

I might actually consider this a form of rape or assault. You said no / stop, and they kept going.

Originally Posted by whatdoesitmean

No. this is not rape. Rape is when you say, "No", period.

Did you say. "No", to sex?

This is horse ****. What about someone who is drugged (date raped) and can't remember saying no / was too out of it to say no.

If the sex act was consensual when it began, then it becomes very difficult to make a case that something nonconsensual occurred within that consensual act, unless it was violent in nature. An analogy would be willingly getting into a car with a stranger to take a ride. Once you agree to get into the car, you give up some control and accept the risk of the driver being an unsafe driver. The driver may drive too fast, get too close to other cars, or do other things that are not safe, even if you ask him to slow down or be careful. However, you accepted the risk once you stepped into his car, not knowing how he would drive, even if he claimed to be a safe driver. It is the same with getting into bed with someone you don't know well enough. Despite his claim of being a considerate lover, his behavior may be quite different.

Having sex with someone is not something that allows much control once it begins, unless it is with a long-term partner who you know very well and who puts your needs before his/hers. Sex is generally a high risk activity, unless you know your partner well and there is an understanding of what is okay and not okay for both of you.

Emotions and physical drives completely dominate some people once the sex act is in progress, and rational, common sense decisions often take a backseat. This is the risk that one takes when agreeing to have sex with someone not known for long or who is dominated by his passions. Yes, you can talk beforehand about what you want and don't want, but in the heat of the sexual moment, those are very difficult to enforce.

My point is that you need to be very careful as to the situation you are getting into. Some situations are inherently low control situations once you decide to enter into them. Ideally, you are allowed to change your mind and leave, but some situations don't come with a "cancel" button. Be careful as to what you agree to! The important thing is your safety.

[Bill3]

According to the articles below, there are eight states (South Dakota, Connecticut, California, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Kansas, and Minnesota) where refusal to withdraw after penetration has occurred is rape according to the law.

There is one state, North Carolina, where it is not.

According to the articles, in the other states neither statutes nor the courts have clearly addressed this question.

In Most States, Forcibly Continuing Sex After a Partner Says 'No' Is Not Rape - Broadly

https://brooklynworks.brooklaw.edu/c...14&context=blr