[starryprince]

Hey all. This is a very vulnerable post for me but I don't have many places to turn to at the moment. This post has to do with childhood sexual abuse and going to the doctor when you're older. I'm just going to put the whole thing as a trigger warning, just to be safe.

Possible trigger:

So, as you all know, I'm a survivor of CSA. I really want to go to the OBGYN. Not because I feel like there's something wrong with me but because I just want to make sure I'm healthy. The issue is that I'm terrified. I'm now in my late 20s and I've never gone. I'm also a virgin and family has always had a very conservative view on sex so that makes things worse. I'm afraid I'll start crying or that I'll dissociate. I thought that my abuse never affected me because it only happened a couple of times but, as I've gotten older, I'm realizing that it's really affected me in more ways than I thought.

I told my best friend that I've never been to the OBGYN and she was judgmental. I told her that I was afraid to go and I think it had to do with what happened to me as a child but she just said, "Yea, but you have to go. I'm honestly surprised you haven't gone." I was very embarrassed and I still am. She's a great person but she can be insensitive from time to time.

I have a therapist but I haven't seen her in months due to something happening that I didn't like. I'll call her to make an appointment, though, because it's very hard for me to find another one at the moment. I will talk about this in our session, whenever that will be. We started talking about it but I was so embarrassed that I just shut down.

Has anyone here ever had the same or similar issue ? Any advice? Thank you to all those that read this. I appreciate it.

[Amyjay]

Hmm, no "good" advice from me sorry. I have never been and I never will. I know there can be consequences to that. So be it.
Don't be like me.

[sarahsweets]

I was traumatized by an OBGYN. Not sexually and its involved so I wont get into details. It kept me from going to see one for about 5 years. I finally found one through the help of my mom believe it or not. She is an ICU/recovery room nurse and had one in mind and sort of talked to him ahead of time in order to get him to understand where I was coming from. I made an appointment and he met with me in his office for like a half hour before we even did any exam. He talked me through everything he was going to do and talked out loud as each thing was coming up. He made sure to have a female chaperone with us too. Once I got through that exam it was easier going to him the next time. I have a lot of health issues and I was overdue for a lot of tests.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Hmm, no "good" advice from me sorry. I have never been and I never will. I know there can be consequences to that. So be it.
Don't be like me.

Thank you for responding. I get that. It's very scary. I want to go but it is very scary.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I was traumatized by an OBGYN. Not sexually and its involved so I wont get into details. It kept me from going to see one for about 5 years. I finally found one through the help of my mom believe it or not. She is an ICU/recovery room nurse and had one in mind and sort of talked to him ahead of time in order to get him to understand where I was coming from. I made an appointment and he met with me in his office for like a half hour before we even did any exam. He talked me through everything he was going to do and talked out loud as each thing was coming up. He made sure to have a female chaperone with us too. Once I got through that exam it was easier going to him the next time. I have a lot of health issues and I was overdue for a lot of tests.

I'm glad you were able to get through your fear and that you got a great doctor! I'm afraid of a lot of things, mainly the pain and the feeling of vulnerability. It just feels so invasive and I'm worried of getting a horrible doctor. The doctors I've been getting at my medical center have been horrible as of late. I would definitely prefer a female doctor. I'm going to call and make an appointment. That way, I can prepare. Maybe I can even ask a friend to accompany me (not in the actual examination room but just to the center, you know?) or maybe talk to a friend beforehand. Thank you for responding!

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I’m sorry to hear of your situation. Thanks for your bravery in sharing. You are not alone. Im in my mid 30s and have been once about 5 years ago. My T helped. She actually suggested a doctor (her own, this was helpful to me but I understand others might find it uncomfortable). She told me in general what would happen. Before the actual appointment, I went to the OBGYN building twice. The first time I just sat in the parking lot and looked at the building. The second time I went into the office, told them about my anxiety, and asked to see the exam room. They were nice and gave me a little tour. Also, no men allowed for me. And Xanax was taken. Hopefully this gives you some ideas about making things less terrifying.

It’s time for me to go again, but now I live in a different state with different doctors. Maybe new T can help. A referral from a good friend has helped some, but not enough for me to actually go.

Tell the nurse/doc whoever you see first that you are a CSA survivor. This is their profession & they've dealt with many times before. There is even a protocol for it. If you know what you need, tell them. I need to know what's going to happen next. Some docs incorporate the protocol into every first time appointment especially if an older first timer. That may include a shorter exam, the presence of a nurse who will even hand hold if you like. Prefer a running conversation or silence...just tell them. They want to make it as comfortable as possible as this is an important part of physical health. If you want to take a friend with you, do so. Don't need to explain. Just plan a lunch or shopping afterwards. Take care of yourself.

[Raindropvampire]

My fear of going was compounded by the fact that my main abuser(uncle) was a doctor. I simply explained what I had been through to my doctor. She called around for me and found someone she thought I would be comfortable with. The first appointment was just a get to know you and she showed me the instruments that would be used. She also told me in detail what to expect and that she would talk me through what she was doing. Then I made a second appointment and the actual exam was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

Good luck to you and wishing you the strength to get through it.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?

I’m sorry to hear of your situation. Thanks for your bravery in sharing. You are not alone. Im in my mid 30s and have been once about 5 years ago. My T helped. She actually suggested a doctor (her own, this was helpful to me but I understand others might find it uncomfortable). She told me in general what would happen. Before the actual appointment, I went to the OBGYN building twice. The first time I just sat in the parking lot and looked at the building. The second time I went into the office, told them about my anxiety, and asked to see the exam room. They were nice and gave me a little tour. Also, no men allowed for me. And Xanax was taken. Hopefully this gives you some ideas about making things less terrifying.

It’s time for me to go again, but now I live in a different state with different doctors. Maybe new T can help. A referral from a good friend has helped some, but not enough for me to actually go.

And thanks a lot for sharing your experience, too. I might have to take something for the anxiety if it gets intense. I've only had one medication prescribed for anxiety but I only took it once and it was not helpful. I'm proud of you for going, though. Hopefully I can build up the courage to set an appointment soon.

Originally Posted by cavaliers

Tell the nurse/doc whoever you see first that you are a CSA survivor. This is their profession & they've dealt with many times before. There is even a protocol for it. If you know what you need, tell them. I need to know what's going to happen next. Some docs incorporate the protocol into every first time appointment especially if an older first timer. That may include a shorter exam, the presence of a nurse who will even hand hold if you like. Prefer a running conversation or silence...just tell them. They want to make it as comfortable as possible as this is an important part of physical health. If you want to take a friend with you, do so. Don't need to explain. Just plan a lunch or shopping afterwards. Take care of yourself.

Letting them know straight up is the way to go, it seems. That would make me feel more comfortable in addition to them talking things through. I wish I wasn't so nervous. -sighs- And taking care of myself afterwards is a good idea, too. Thank you for your helpful response.

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

My fear of going was compounded by the fact that my main abuser(uncle) was a doctor. I simply explained what I had been through to my doctor. She called around for me and found someone she thought I would be comfortable with. The first appointment was just a get to know you and she showed me the instruments that would be used. She also told me in detail what to expect and that she would talk me through what she was doing. Then I made a second appointment and the actual exam was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

Good luck to you and wishing you the strength to get through it.

Knowing that I don't have to do the actual exam at the first appointment is extremely helpful, so thank you for mentioning that. I think that will make things a lot easier for me. Like you and other people said, expressing my feelings at the beginning seems like a good idea. I'm afraid to be that vulnerable but I think I'll have to so I can feel as comfortable as possible. Thank you very much for telling me about your experience.

[Fuzzybear]

Thank you for bravery in sharing. I’m sending hugs and positive thoughts