Abuser's Tactics of blaming and shaming the victim

Abusedbysister · Apr 17, 2020 at 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Abusedbysister,

Thank you so much for sharing your horror story.

How have you been able to cope with this? Have you found that avoiding your abusers and refusing to react to their abuse has minimized the negative impacts of their Darvo smear campaigns? I imagine that you have tried desperately to get through to them - only for it to get worse. Am I wrong in assuming this?

Unfortunately so many of us have no choice but to go no contact with these kinds of abusers because there is literally no way to gain our power back when the entire family dynamic tends to believe and protect them. Sadly this leaves us alone and without familial supports, which is heartbreaking. I hope that you haven't had to do such drastic things to protect yourself.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you for the message. I now live in a different city so I visit my family a couple of times a year. I only see my sister at family functions. Since I see her only a few times a year, it is easier not to react to her tactics but she still bullies me and humiliates me in front of them. Therapy has helped. Because she has a very successful career and life (and me not so much partly due to her abuse), everyone is OK with the way she treats me.

TishaBuv · Apr 17, 2020 at 09:49 AM

I think a person who treats you cruelly and heartlessly will always turn it around to make themselves the victim when you confront them about their bad behavior. It happened to me with the few relationships I had where that person turned on me and we are now no or low contact. People don’t want to own up to their shyt. They twist it around to vilify the victim. I can’t think of anyone else who ever hurt me, I confronted, and they apologized. No one else hurt me deeply in the first place. That’s why we’re still close. I have never been confronted for my being cruel, because I haven’t been. When people like you, they treat you well. Plain and simple.

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Abuser's Tactics of blaming and shaming the victim

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