[Kelly3]

1. Corky.. you asked me to open up a bit.. i couldn't.. but i've become so angry today, i figured i'll let one of my issues out.. the others, i'm keeping hidden as they're too complicated to explain.. I'll warn anyone who's sensitive to this topic that this may be triggering.
2. sorry about the length.
here goes..

I've been sexually abused by two people. one of which was more of a sexual assault as it wasn't ongoing. whereas the other was long term.
The First of which was the assault. This occured at the local community centre at 10pm on a friday night. I went outside for air, and was followed by a man. I won't go into details, but i now realise that had i screamed loud enough, i could've been heard from inside. Anyway, I was persuaded against my wishes to report him to the police. This i did. Forensic swabs were taken of my breasts and.. down there. DNA evidence came back positive, proving me to be telling the truth in my statement, whereas he denied even being there. Proof of guilt you'd think, right? Wrong. The police decided not to prosecute as it was "not in the public interest." so that's one sexual predator walking around free.
The second. This one was long-term. Here we go..
A girl, 4 years my senior.. We were best friends to begin with. Then just under 2 weeks after the first assault, she put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill herself there and then should i refuse to let her do things to me. Guilt rushed through me. How could i have someone's suicide on my consience? After a while of trying to improvise, She made a small cut on her throat and said "see, it's no joke."
My heart tore. why was my best friend doing this to me?
From then on i was sexually abused at knifepoint. The knife being at her throat rather than mine. She used the fact that i can not stand the thought of others being in pain.
It was living hell.
she did things.. sick things.. some "common".. some.. unheard of.. I can't go into details as i'll end up losing it.. i'm sorry.. anyway..
a while later, I had a mental breakdown.. and soon confessed all to my old T when my abuser did something in the youth club toilets. She removed me from the situation. I finally felt safe. i was wrong.. the next day, it started again.. my abuser's "attempted suicide" on webcam.. I gave in - again.
The abuse continued for a further few weeks, before she turned, saying "you've been to social services about me, you evil *****". First off, i had no idea what she meant. i hadn't been to social services at all. I later discovered my T had.
So the sexual abuse ended. She'd realised the secret was out. Professionals knew. that was over. thankfully.
I don't think she could stand not torturing someone in some way or another, because in November 2007, she turned up at the station where i caught the train home after school. I was half petrified, half angry.. mixed emotions. i wanted to run but i couldn't. she was with others. There was a shouting match at first.. which in a way was relieving. I got to scream and shout at the person i'd longed to for ages. I felt a newfound strength inside me.. but this was torn apart when she pushed me down the crack between the train and the platform.
She's been waiting for me outside school every day up to a just before christmas.
This police case is going on today, and she is to be arrested tomorrow.
Thing is, there's even LESS evidence of this than there was of the first one.
So, you'll think, great, she's out of my life yeah? No. She has connections with over 40 people at my school. her home is a 5 minutes walk from my school, and i see her regularly, and each time am on the receiving end of mental abuse. Nevertheless, the mental abuse is preferable.
If she doesn't go down for this.. i don't know what i'll do.
how can they let one sexual predator walk free, let alone two?!
how could i live with myself knowing i let her get off with that? how could i leave her walking the streets, abusing others as she pleases. it's not going to happen.
I've never threatened anyone in my life, nor felt this sort of hatred.. but if she gets off, i will kill her.. slowly, painfully. i'll make her suffer. that sounds so sick, and i hate myself for being this way, but i honestly can't think of anything i'd like more than to hurt her.
She'd best hope she goes down for her actions. that's all i can say.

I'm really sorry about sounding so sick and twisted.. honestly, i am..
kelly. xx

[I_WMD]

My Goodness Child,,,,,,,,Dammit ,,, The cruelties of others is so beyond the norm to comprehend.

I feel so hurt for you Kell. I can best hope you have a T that can help you somehow Resolve this as to yourself worth . Kell ,,, As you know you were not complacent in this.

Kell ,,, victims are the hurt. And the pain that follows our tormentors will in due time enact it's own revenge.

Please take care Young Friend and If you need to talk I be there when you wish ..

[Blue93]

((((kelly))))) if ok
Its good you got it out though
can't keep it inside all the time
drives you nuts.. doesnt it.

take care,

Blue

[Kelly3]

Mm.. didn't make much difference saying it to be honest.
I was shaking for about 15 minutes after i wrote it, and i don't feel any better. oh well.

thanks for being there xx

[Blue93]

It can be relieving, i think.
But yeah its hard too... thats right.
Maybe it wont help right a way.. takes time i guess.

Blue

[selfy]

kelly hon i love yah. and ur not the only person who wants to kill her
i do too lol

HEY I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD OK? SHE HURT ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!

dont look at me like that.....

ha
take care hon. im always here
*hugs*
dot

[DePressMe]

Kelly,

One of my abusers was a woman. I was about 13 or so and she was about 18. There was also a knife and threats involved. The experience gave me a lot of confused feelings. She was suppose to be my friend, but in the end, she became an "enemy."

I am sorry this is an ongoing battle with you. Please continue to talk with your therapist about it--I hope that will help.

Thanks for opening up and trusting us with your story...I know it must have been a difficult thing to do--I consider you a very strong person.

[50guy]

Knife point, yep, been there hon. Held down and forced, yep that too. Threatened, almost all the time. Perversion, yeah, suffered that too. Never been stalked, although I did live in the same household as my abuser. I was 9, he was 17, plus all his weird-o friends.

Never had a problem, I kept it buried for many years, now it's back to haunt me at times.

I move forward, past that hurt and do the best I can to help others. I hope you can come to terms somehow with what happened to you.

Its good to get it out. It took me too many years to do this. I feel your pain. (((Kelly)))