[MsLady]

I thought this was a great read. Very detailed and informative:

Learn to Recognize 26 Covert Abuse Tactics — Confusion to Clarity

[Yaowen]

Dear MsLady,

Thanks so much for sharing that. I'm going to read it.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[ShaneG]

I think that being subjected to what I term as 'Remote' the experience of silent speech or sub vocalizing being broadcasted via EMF broadcasting by some hidden network of perp's, hell bent on abusing or in some accounts it's referred to as torturing porning a Jankey for years at a time.

That rather than be viewed as an illness this is one of the worst sides to being a Schizophrenic.

[Open Eyes]

MsLady it’s like that article was all about my older sister.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing!

[ShaneG]

Watch

[ShaneG]

https://https://psychcentral.com/blo...rauma-bonding/

When you are trauma bonding it is easy to mistake abuse as love and not let go.

Emotional abuse is often mistaken for love by those who are trapped in a cycle of abuse in their relationship. Trauma is surprisingly easy to overlook when the abuse masquerades as someone “caring” for you.

Trauma bonding is a problem that many people trapped in abusive relationships don’t realize they’re experiencing because mental abuse often beats you down into ignoring various types of trauma as love.

When you’re holding out to be loved, you can easily become drawn to an abusive relationship and misread the signs as love instead of abuse. So, how do you know if you are truly in love or caught in a blinding fantasy due to trauma bonding?

[MsLady]

WHAT TO DO:

"Observe his behavior and learn the specific tactics he uses.

• It’s fine if you continue to react and behave as you always have. At the same time you can journal your observations about his behavior so you can get clarity. This clarity is the first step to setting boundaries.

• Read about boundaries in general to strengthen your belief that you’re allowed to set boundaries and that setting boundaries isn’t selfish. You probably have some internal work to do to see yourself as a separate person with rights.

• It can be helpful to stop sharing any personal information, feelings or reactions with him.

• Pay attention to his intention behind his words, rather than listening to the words themselves. What is he trying to accomplish?

• When you are ready to start setting boundaries, consider how you want to respond to him. If you know you would be physically safe, you can begin to respond to his tactics by labeling them. You might say “I know you are shifting the blame on to me and I won’t accept it anymore.” Expect that this will make things worse and he’ll try new tactics. He may accuse you of intentions you don’t have such as being controlling or even abusive.

• You can choose to stop conversations with him once he uses a tactic.

• You’ll need to learn to stop being drawn into his circular, confusing conversations, to stand your ground and to not defend yourself. It takes great clarity and strength to do this.

• Many women eventually find they need to set the biggest boundary of all- separation and/or divorce. That is entirely your choice and you can do this in your timing.

Most women need support from a counselor, a coach, and/or other women who’ve gone through this.

Each situation is unique and you need to learn what’s best in your marriage. Give yourself time to learn how to set boundaries."

[MsLady]

Covert Abuse

1) Grooming/ Re-grooming
2) Gaslighting / Distorting Reality
3) Confusion / Muddying the waters / Word twisting
4) Playing the Victim
5) Accusing the Victim
6) Hidden Blame Shifting / Guilt Tripping
7) Subtle Putdowns/ Shaming
8) Circular Conversations
9) Diverting / Evading
10) Denying /Minimizing / Rationalizing
11) Feigning ignorance, Innocence, or Confusion
12) Induced Helplessness
13) Rewriting History
14) Lying by Omission
15) False Remorse and False Apologies
16) Punishing / Silent Treatment
17) Covert Control
18) Isolation
19) Covert Intimidation through Fear Mongering
20) Sabotage
21) Intermittent Reinforcement
22) Covert Physical Aggression
23) Accusations
24) Fake Empathy
25) Image Management
26) Smear Campaign

[Open Eyes]

There is another one that should be on that list too MsLady, creating choas to distract from the truth and also doing this to bait a reaction as well as using that chaos to blame the victim as if to say it would not happen if the victim did not do this or that.

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

There is another one that should be on that list too MsLady, creating choas to distract from the truth and also doing this to bait a reaction as well as using that chaos to blame the victim as if to say it would not happen if the victim did not do this or that.

I get this is what's happening with me right now.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I thought this was a great read. Very detailed and informative:

Learn to Recognize 26 Covert Abuse Tactics — Confusion to Clarity

My husband has used ALL of these tactics. Hence, why I am divorcing him. Thanks for this article!

[Have Hope]

@MsLady, you were correct in that I've been gaslighted. I didn't see it until just recently. But when I called him out on a very rude comment he made towards me, his first replies were "you're too sensitive" and "have you been drinking?" GASLIGHTING. He simply couldn't take responsibility for his rudeness and had to turn it around to be a problem of mine.

[MsLady]

Ya. Really step back and observe him for a while. You'll notice quite a lot, I'm sure.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MsLady

Ya. Really step back and observe him for a while. You'll notice quite a lot, I'm sure.

Yes, I am seeing a LOT. I noticed these things before, but they're all coming together now to form the full picture.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I get this is what's happening with me right now.

That is how my older sister is, she creates chaos and drama and plays the victim in order to distract from what she is really up to. Had I known about my mother's money that my sister had been stealing until it was all gone, I would have caught on much sooner. It was even harder when the judge insisted she present an accounting from the time my parents agreed to make her POA. Then she lied about the money she took and blamed it on me. I felt horrible on so many levels because I did not even know about that money and then trying to figure out how to prove she was lying too. I also had a hard time accepting that my sister was as cold and calculating and corrupt as she turned out to be.

For as much as I have shared, there is much I don't share too in case she might be stalking here at PC to see what I say. She has done that in other ways, so it's not unreasonable to worry about that.

I am still in the battle with legal help, I long for when this is finally all over as I never want anything to do with her for the rest of my life.

I feel like Olivia de Havilland at the end of the movie the Heiress. Once this is done with I won't answer that door to her anymore.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I thought this was a great read. Very detailed and informative:

Learn to Recognize 26 Covert Abuse Tactics — Confusion to Clarity

I am intending to read this article. It describes a someone (irl)

[MsLady]

I'm really struggling with this right now. My partner told me this, two days ago, "You really have no idea that you are a narcissist do you? I'm so sorry.." Once I read that, I was not at all surprised by his accusation. The projections and blaming is pretty common around here so it was only a matter of time.

Years back, when discussing my mother (which I now regret), he asked me if I thought he was narcissistic. It surprised me because, although I was aware of our challenges, I did not at all suspect he had a personality disorder. Why would he ask me?

Covert abuse isnt from someone simply being an insensitive and selfish jerk. It's pathological, no? For someone who exhibits these behaviours to this degree, according to the article, is indicative they have a personality disorder?

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I'm really struggling with this right now. My partner told me this, two days ago, "You really have no idea that you are a narcissist do you? I'm so sorry.." Once I read that, I was not at all surprised by his accusation. The projections and blaming is pretty common around here so it was only a matter of time.

Years back, when discussing my mother (which I now regret), he asked me if I thought he was narcissistic. It surprised me because, although I was aware of our challenges, I did not at all suspect he had a personality disorder. Why would he ask me?

Covert abuse isnt from someone simply being an insensitive and selfish jerk. It's pathological, no? For someone who exhibits these behaviours to this degree, according to the article, is indicative they have a personality disorder?

That is horrible. My word. He will stop at nothing.

Yes, I am of the belief that it's pathological. It's far from normal behavior, it is indicative of a personality disorder and is certainly very disturbing.

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

That is horrible. My word. He will stop at nothing.

I believe that's what he's been telling people for a while. It's his cover. It's no wonder I get the "look" by most people in his circle. Some even glare at me.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry MsLady it’s tough to be the subject of a smear campaign or a narcissistic rage vent when they don’t get their way. I guess he has some flying monkeys he runs to that believe his BS and show you those stares and dirty looks.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MsLady

Covert Abuse

1) Grooming/ Re-grooming
2) Gaslighting / Distorting Reality
3) Confusion / Muddying the waters / Word twisting
4) Playing the Victim
5) Accusing the Victim
6) Hidden Blame Shifting / Guilt Tripping
7) Subtle Putdowns/ Shaming
8) Circular Conversations
9) Diverting / Evading
10) Denying /Minimizing / Rationalizing
11) Feigning ignorance, Innocence, or Confusion
12) Induced Helplessness
13) Rewriting History
14) Lying by Omission
15) False Remorse and False Apologies
16) Punishing / Silent Treatment
17) Covert Control
18) Isolation
19) Covert Intimidation through Fear Mongering
20) Sabotage
21) Intermittent Reinforcement
22) Covert Physical Aggression
23) Accusations
24) Fake Empathy
25) Image Management
26) Smear Campaign

My husband has used all of these tactics on me.

[BarefootBeach]

MsLady
Those 26 items are VERY accurate along with the one added. It is fascinating, scary and a gift to finally wake up as see these people for what they really are. To be able to quietly observe how they operate now that we know what to look for. They are very pathological and don't care about anyone except themselves. They NEVER change for the better. My mother used to create severe unnecessary drama, sit back and watch the fallout, because it was all about her.This was every day of my life; half of it spent being psychologically punished by her or me hiding because I had NO idea what was happening. I was a slave to her covert narcissism and had no idea for decades. Honestly, I only was able to put the pieces together after she died. Then I get hooked on a covert narc therapist, repeating the same dynamic, just a different platform. Dumped him recently and he blamed me for it all......according to him, I the sick one! Typical BS from an abuser.

[Denise Of PA]

I can associate with all of these.

MsLady.... I love Helena! Are you in her C2C group?

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by Denise Of PA

I can associate with all of these.

MsLady.... I love Helena! Are you in her C2C group?

I don't know Helena.. what group?