[Zelev]

My father was a binge alcoholic and substance abuser. He could go weeks and be straight and then binge for several more. I am a victim of sexual abuse by my father. It lasted over a decade and only stopped when I was in my teens and finally got the courage to say "no". Two other siblings were also abused. My mother knew the whole time but with five kids her excuse was she had no other place to go.

I think this is why my abuse lasted so long because I was so afraid to say anything because that would mean what little family I did have would be destroyed and I would be homeless or sent to foster care.

As an adult, I don't buy my mother's excuse. My counselor was the first to suggest this but I was too afraid to except the truth. My mother is co-dependent and probably a narcissist as well. My ex is a narcissist and until yesterday I couldn't understand what would attract me to someone so manipulating. They say you repeat your childhood issues until you resolve them. I think I took my first step today.

To answer your question, no I wouldn't call you crazy. Your father abused you, and your mother let it happen. Both of them are without excuse.

I heard you blaming yourself for the abuse you suffered, for not having the courage to say No. You are in no way at fault. You were the victim. (As a past victim of sexual abuse myself, I know this.) Well, I believe you may be attracted to abusive people because you think you can't do better. One thing I have learned in therapy is, "We attract what we think we deserve." If we consider ourselves damaged goods, we may think it wouldn't be fair to someone who is healthy, positive, and good for us to "bring him down" or "burden him" with our own issues. So we look for someone as sick as we are, ourselves, in a misguided attempt at equality.

I know I used to think like this: "Now wait a minute. I have mental health issues myself, so how fair is it to demand that any partner I choose should be healthy? That's rejecting him because of his illness, and I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me." So I would choose the bipolars and the schizophrenics, adding their issues to my own, and ending up having to deal with both of us. Finally I got it through my thick skull that staying away from mentally ill men was not a matter of fairness, or saying he's not good enough for me. It's only saying, "Hey, sorry, man, but I've got enough issues of my own. I can't take on yours too. I'll be your friend, but a lifetime partnership isn't possible."

And that part about repeating childhood issues until you resolve them is absolutely the truth. Until we realize that things don't HAVE to be a certain way, we're going to keep creating circumstances where they ARE that way.

[Fuzzybear]

[Christina86]

Not crazy! I'm sorry you went through that.

((((((((((((Zelev)))))))))))))

I'm glad you're taking the step towards resolving your childhood experiences. It's hard, but it's so worth it.

Take care of yourself, you are important.

[Cyran0]

((((Zelev)))) I don't have anything to add to what people have already said but I wanted to say that I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Cyran0

[BalishBun]

no, not crazy.

[Zelev]

Your words helped a lot. Thanks to all you guys.

[lavendersteph]

ur not crazy and i'm happy you are getting help all the best to you