[theguyonline]

Hi everyone. I am a 17 (almost 18) years old guy who moved with his biological father less than a year ago. From the age of 4 until the age of 17, I was often beaten up by my step father and most of the time it was for no reasons. He was a drug addict during his adolescence and he have to take medication every days, the moments when he would beat me up were mostly moments when he tried to stop taking his pills or simply forgot. He would usually punch me very hard in the stomach (up to the point where I could not breath anymore), grab my shirt and raise me in the air, yelling at me, his face very near to mine. He was very intimidating and, although I did not see him in a while, I still often make nightmares where he beats me up and yells at me for no reasons, throwing objects at me, etc. He really did this for no real reason, I remember one time he just threw me against a wall and yelled "stop provoking me", whith his face right next to mine.

I want to forgot him completely, I want him completely out of my life. We currently live on a separate continent but I still hate what he did to my childhood. He told me he was sorry but I seriously do not care, I think a part of me hates him (I was told it was wrong but I can't really change my feelings about him...) and my life would be better if I could simply forget everything he did to me. I always thought I was doing something wrong, all the time. Just typing this makes me want to cry as I remember all the details... sorry if this post doesn't really makes sense and please excuse my non-native English skills.

[Cyran0]

Guy, I'm so sorry that happened to you. And I think you have every right to hate him. You were a little boy and he was a grown man. What he did is almost too awful to contemplate.

I'm glad you're here, trying to heal. There's a lot of support here.

Be safe.

Cyran0

[scott88keys]

(((Guy)))
You did nothing wrong--a great wrong was done to you. I hope you have some supportive friends or perhaps a therapist or clergy person who can help you navigate rough waters. Unfortunately, none of us will be able to forget whatever our bad experiences were in the past; but we can learn and heal in ways that those bad times and bad people don't have such power over us in the present.
How's it going with your biological dad?
Glad you're finally safe. Take care. . .

[pachyderm]

And your English is excellent!

[(JD)]

You do have every right to hate him. But I think what's in your own best interest might be a different path. You say he said he was sorry, and for a man, that's a big apology. I can understand your needing more though, and if you can, go get it. If you have someone IRL to talk with first, such as a school/college counselor, or even a therapist for short term, you will find strength and words to confront your dad with just how much he hurt you, and how you are still having issues with his ruining your childhood. It could bring real healing for you, should you find a way to do this. I wish you well. You do need to work through this, and posting here was a great way to begin! Welcome to PC. (((hug)))

[BalishBun]

what a dog he was. Im sorry you had to go through that.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Keep posting, you'll find good support here and caring people. (you've already met some of them) Welcome to pc.

Guy
I am sorry you have been threw this
Of course you dislike what he did to you
It was wrong imo
To hurt another person is so very wrong
know its not your fault

I agree if you can find someone to talk to it will help imo

In time you may forgive
the sheeps been there good luck