[jasie]

I am in therapy now but its like I dont know the truth. I have memories of being locked under the crawl boards of the house in the closet. All that I can remember is this scary room. I have a vague memory of being on top of this neighbor and him kissing me I was around 5 i think. Ive tried emdr but now im hesitant to continue it. The therapist has the child part of me in the safe place during emdr but I dont want her there I told the T it just seems narotic to me . So why am I so afraid of acknowledging the child part of me? I dont know what happened cause I cant remember. The first time I slept with a person I felt that I wasnt a virgin though and I dont even remember it . It seems strange to me that I wouldnt remember my first time though. Therapist is looking into the fact that I might dissociate and this is real scary to me. I am confused right now not knowing what the truth of my life is
Im thinking of quitting counseling but I dont know what to do right now so when in doubt I guess I'll keep going for a little while and see what happens. I dont know what this post is really about Im really feeling panicky about the whole situation. Has anyone else gone through this?

[sabby]

(((((((( jasie )))))))))))

I have pieces of memories of things in my childhood and teen years that don't quite fit together or are so distant that I can't really place them to one specific situation. I've found through the years that every now and again something else will pop into my mind and it's like another piece of the puzzle. I've never done emdr nor have I had therapy for these issues.

I can well imagine how scary it must be for you when nothing seems to quite make sense and there is a fear of not understanding things or maybe not even wanting to know but the memories come bit by bit anyways.

I don't think that quitting therapy is the right thing to do. At least while in therapy, if/when something comes up that is really difficult for you, you have someone to go to for help with it. We tend to fear the unknown...and to have someone in your corner that knows how to help you work through it is paramount to healing.

I hope you can find some peace and work through the fear with your T. It's not going to happen overnight, that's for sure, but with the right guidance...you can heal. I wish you well!


sabby

[jasie]

thanks for your advice I guess I'll just keep going I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff right now so yeah maybe keeping up with T is the best plan.

Jasie I too have gone through this. My childhood is a blur most of the time, memories come back ,mixed up.... sometimes my long term memory is very good and i remember things like they happened yesterday. Some things dont make sense, i can't fill in the gaps but my t says it is normal and called disossiative amnesia. She is going to begin working on the inner child again after a long break. She gives me excercises to do involving both sides of the brain and 'matching them up and getting them to work together'. Please dont give up your therapy, you need to do this to heal and put the past behind you. It is tough, but worth every minute imo. Wishing you the best, take care, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( jasie )))))))))))))