[River2008]

I was in the midst of writing a post of "picking up the pieces" in my life and hit some key and lost it.

I am hurting like h*ll, living with a cousin, applying for jobs where it's tough to get past the door if you haven't emailed or faxed a resume. Sometimes, I can get past the door only to be told I have to first email my resume.

I am diagnosed as depressed/PTSD. Lots of that I thought was in the past and to be sure, I am handling things differently and without a lot of fears I used to have. But I'm running out of energy.

I don't have a home. I need a home. I want a home. I want a job. I need a job. I want money. I need money. This is such a tough time for me. I have no insurance. In my haste to avoid the streets and having a place to stay in Illinois, I left CA and forgot I had stored my meds (samples from my doc) in a suit case when I thought I was going into a shelter.

Thanks for listening. I want to give up, but I know if I can hang in here, something's coming around the bend. I'm just tired and hurting about the status of my life right now.

[Kiya]

(((((((River))))))
Sounds like you are having a really hard time =(

For future, if your post dissapears at the touch of a button, if you haven't typed anything else, sometimes you can hit Control z and bring it back ( i do that *all* the time and didn't know that trick for years).

can you have that suitcase mailed to you with your meds in it??

kiya

[River2008]

Hi Kiya,

Thanks for the tip...I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for the hugs and understanding...I'll put it in my bank .

River

[Kiya]

best with everything!!!

[River2008]

Hi Kiya,

I forgot to answer your question. Can they be mailed to me? Possibly. I'm going to call my m.d. and see if she'll give new samples to my son to send me. The thing is that the samples are in bottles stored in boxes. They would have to be removed and re-packaged. I feel I have asked my son to do so much and while I don't believe he would tell me no, I don't think I could bear to hear the sigh of a righteously put upon young man. He's got a full-time summer school schedule and my asking doesn't really allow him to say no. In fact, he just sent me a package of my mail and other stuff that I received today.

Anyway, I found a couple of pills that I can cut that will last me until I see my caseworker or find a free clinic (if that's even possible in this time of cutbacks). In my new place I am eligible for medical, but not for assistance on prescriptions. I hope my new docs have meds.

I was pushing myself to walk and face some of my old fears about walking alone in new places. I came to the conclusion that be homeless and jobless at the same time is akin to death and raises my childhood fears of being terrified into helplessness.

I'm proud that I trusted myself to feel my fears and trust that if anything happened I could take care of myself. In the process, the thought that this situation makes me feel like I'm dying also helped me recognized how much grief and loss I am experiencing. I am an older women and ageism is alive and well in the business world. I mean, folks can tell just from your resume about how old you are...ah, I digress.

I lost my post, but not all is lost. Thanks for checking back with me.

River

[blue_roses]

(((((((((((( river2008 ))))))))))))))

i'm so sorry you are having such an awfully tough time.

i too am out of work. and you are right. in these times of high unemployment and fewer jobs, companies discriminate.

is there anyway to get unemployment benefits for yourself?

with your job searching, have you gone to web sites like careerbuilder and monster and hot jobs? they often have email and fax numbers for companies looking to hire.

best of luck with your job search. i do know how depressing and difficult it is!!!!!!!!

definitely try to get in to see a doctor as soon as you can so you can get your meds. ask if you can get free meds from the makers of the drugs. some drug companies give drugs to those who can't afford them. worth a try!

take care of yourself!

[River2008]

Hi blue roses,

I cannot believe how fast time is going for me. Here it is the 16th and I am now just reading your post!

I don't qualify for unemployment benefits because I didn't leave my job on the day the incident that prompted me to leave happened. I didn't leave cause I had some clients and my immediate supervisor asked me to stay so I could close out files and say good-bye properly to my clients. The last month was part-time and only for seeing my clients, but the judge said since I stayed no benefits...**sh*les!!!

Good luck with your search as well. I do need to get a profile on monster job and I keep forgetting. I usually go to Craigslist so thanks for the info.

My son should be sending me samples from my doctor's office from where I moved. She was out of two of them (4 in all) and said the other two would come in 2 weeks. I hope the ones my son sends are the anti-depressants and the blood pressure.

Please accept my apology for not responding sooner...must be these many senior moments...

River