though to do that would to give energy away.. my energy... that I do not have.. nor want to "give up"... to you...

I say to myselves " you were a very broken person"... therefore I should forgive... you are the father of my son... therefore I should forgive... and my brain... does forgive... my heart.. does not...

Anger... I refuse.... to even "give" you anger in my life... except for when.. you say hurtful things to our adult son.. and then I go to battle for him..as I have all of his life...

Yes, even you knew that boundary... touch my son.. hurt my son with your words.. and.. I will get you.. and you will suffer...so.. you respected those boundaries...

Your words... your actions.. stay with me for a lifetime.... "worthless piece of %#@&#!"... "not worth the air you breathe" "dirt has more value than you" "the only thing you are good for is sex"..."I have to stay with you.. because no one else could possibly love you" "lose your job, and I will divorce you"

throwing me down a flight of steps.. dragging me back up.. my hair.. all because I broke.. a coffee cup...

dragging me out of bed... forcing me to clean the house spotless.. yes.. I remember it all....

sleeping on cold floors.. no carpet.. feeling your leg in the middle of my back.. pushing me out of bed.. all because I refused you sex..

making me have sex.. when I had the flu... fevers.. the day after getting home.. after surgeries... yes.. have your way.. the way.. you wanted it..

me.. not even a shadow of my former self... it took... 13 years of therapy... for me..to tell a therapist.. I didn't have enough substance to even cast a shadow...

and people.. judge.... try.... and convict me for staying with you...I can't talk about it... not even with therapists... the really horrific things because.. they fear for me... that... my ex-husband.. is what you did to me..

I am DID... I am an incest survior.. I am survior of a pedophile.. I was dying.. when I met you..

That... is why I married you.. I did not want to die alone.. I had no family.. I had no one..

I supported you financially... while you... had fun... had affairs.. earned degrees....
I earned my degree.. I worked.. 2 jobs to support us... I took out loans.. I paid them off.. you helped.. me.. not one bit...

I won... you see.... I divorced you... I said.. "NO, I AM DONE"... and I divorced you...pregnant.. makes.. you very protective.. you alsolute fool of a man....challenge.. a Mom... and she will protect..

Asking me to have an abortion.... big mistake... big... big mistake...

It... took 2 years... and me.. threatening to ruin you.. to take everything from you... but... the divorce went thru...

I had already offered you everything... BUT our son... the house.. the cars.. everything... but... you would not sign the divorce papers.. so.. I called you.. and said sign them.. or I will get you...took every oz of courage I had... and.. I got sole.. complete custody of our son.. as it should be...

That was 2 years of hiding out.. of sleeping with a knife under my pillow... 2 years of looking out the window.. and seeing you..having my door broken down... because.. you wanted in....

so you took.. everything in the house... the food even.. everything.. but our son's furniture... that I would not allow...I paid.. your brand new car payment...you paid no support...

I AM DONE>>>>> you no longer exist for me..

YOU HAVE NO MORE HOLD ON ME...the things you did to me.. they are public.. you can no longer hurt me using the veil.. of shame..

shall I say "SCREW YOU">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[TigerChien]

Wish you happy after these things you've been through!

[vetswife]

I knew you were a survivor the first time I read your post this only confirms that you are.

Hold strong you can defeat anything, you have the will and mind power to do so.

Congratulations

[bchlyn]

(((((freewill))))) you are amazing... lyn