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#1
Dec 02, 2004, 09:12 PM
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I wrote this in 2003 for a therapy session.
SHAME Hurt, confusion, anger! Tears burning my flesh! The searing, salty splash of them streaming steadily, silently. Remembering with shame. WHAT? Remembering a childhood, Taken away by children. Touching, tantalizing, teasing, telling me it’s okay… It’s our special secret. LATER… Anticipating, glancing, flirting! Did I catch his eye? ******Edited Out****** Wishing, waiting, wanting, NO, WAIT!…WICKED!!! A sinner doomed for Hell! NOW… Therapy and more therapy, Dredging up the past. Vile, venomous, vicious, visceral thoughts As vomit rises from my belly. Hurt, confusion, anger! Tears burning my flesh! The searing, salty splash of them streaming steadily, silently. Remembering with shame. Searching for peace…
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> "As I sit on the balcony, a large flock of birds, maybe fifty or sixty swallows swirl around in large circles swishing past my observation post, sometimes in silence, more often with a terrible shrieking. They are like the many thoughts that go swirling around in my head, sometimes making an awful racket..." --Basil Pennington </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> |
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#2
Dec 02, 2004, 09:18 PM
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Ohhhhh (((((((((((((Droopy))))))))))))))
I relate alot to those words and I am so sorry you went through that. How horrible for you, but you have come through and you are a great person who I really want to get to know better. Thanks so much for sharing such a big part of your past with us. Take Care and Many blessings, Kimberly. |
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#3
Dec 02, 2004, 09:51 PM
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Hi Kimberly,
This is the first time I have really come to this forum. I've kinda avoided it. But I got to thinking about something I had written last year and I thought I would share it. Yes, I have come through this, through the help of God and my therapist. When I finally said it out loud to someone whom I trusted, the healing began. I look forward to getting to know you better, too. droopy
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> "As I sit on the balcony, a large flock of birds, maybe fifty or sixty swallows swirl around in large circles swishing past my observation post, sometimes in silence, more often with a terrible shrieking. They are like the many thoughts that go swirling around in my head, sometimes making an awful racket..." --Basil Pennington </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> |
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#4
Dec 02, 2004, 11:06 PM
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Geez did we have the same perp or something?
(((((((((((((Droopy)))))))))))))
__________________
~ Moriah Conquering Wind ~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ begin transmission 11.30.64 heh.finale (02) -111 11.22.63 jpl 156 435 666/93 abaddon temple annihilation bridge rev10 priestess 98 world-soul choronzon reversal babalon fallen forfeiture 01. unfinished sequence. system compromised. code gray. retrieval and cycling initiated 11.28.08, 74 >> 75 end transmission +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> postcards from the abyss << |
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#5
Dec 02, 2004, 11:17 PM
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((((((((((((Mal))))))))))))
It does sound similar doesn't it dear? I'm so sorry for both of you. I hope you guys know I do know where you're coming from but from so many people (all men) that I can't even start that long story  (((((((Droopy)))))) I'm so glad that healing has begun, but don't rush it. It takes a longgggg time. Hope you're both taking care! Many blessings, Kimberly. |
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#6
Dec 02, 2004, 11:29 PM
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This is very difficult for me to say, Mal, but my perps were my uncle who is 10 months older than me and a female cousin who is 2 years older than me. I can't exactly remember how old I was when all of it started, maybe 7 or 8 years old?
droopy
__________________
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> "As I sit on the balcony, a large flock of birds, maybe fifty or sixty swallows swirl around in large circles swishing past my observation post, sometimes in silence, more often with a terrible shrieking. They are like the many thoughts that go swirling around in my head, sometimes making an awful racket..." --Basil Pennington </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> |
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#7
Dec 02, 2004, 11:42 PM
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(((((((Kimberly)))))))
I don't know your story, but I'm so sorry you had to endure whatever it was that happened. droopy
__________________
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> "As I sit on the balcony, a large flock of birds, maybe fifty or sixty swallows swirl around in large circles swishing past my observation post, sometimes in silence, more often with a terrible shrieking. They are like the many thoughts that go swirling around in my head, sometimes making an awful racket..." --Basil Pennington </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> |
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#8
Dec 03, 2004, 06:56 AM
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Oh Droopy....hugs to you dear. I fear I've upset you more than helped you! I apologize....
As far as SA goes, I had it from 2 cousins, one much older than me, an old man that was the husband of the babysitter, the creep; and just various boys my own age or older who just would do things I didn't want them to, that made me feel ashamed Most of that has been worked through. I can't change it and really, some of it I don't know if it happened or if I dreamed it. Ya know. The lovely thing about dissociation from the moment. Started that very early. The Mental abuse and physical abuse, on the other hand has been harder for me to get through. This all from the woman who was supposed to love me the most.(My....mother, but I call her t) I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and this is NOT YOUR FAULT,no more than it is mine and we shouldn't have to feel ashamed, the people who did this to us should be the ones who feel ashamed ! I'm here for you no matter what, you can discuss it in private (pm) or post it on the thread, doesn't matter, buzz me day or night and I'll be there. Take Care of yourself, Kimberly. |
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#9
Dec 03, 2004, 08:32 AM
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(((((((Kimberly))))))),
You've not upset me at all!!! As a matter of fact you have been very helpful. It was me that triggered myself by even posting the poem. But it's not as painful as it used to be. As a matter of fact, I think that I have worked through most of it! I don't dwell on it anymore but I'm concerned about what goes on in the recesses of my mind that might still be affecting my mental health. I'm so sorry about your SA!!! I'm glad that most of it has been worked through. And I hope that you can come to some sort of closure with your mental and physical abuse. Thanks for being here for me. I only hope that I can do the same for you. I probably don't have any answers, but I AM a good listener. droopy
__________________
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> "As I sit on the balcony, a large flock of birds, maybe fifty or sixty swallows swirl around in large circles swishing past my observation post, sometimes in silence, more often with a terrible shrieking. They are like the many thoughts that go swirling around in my head, sometimes making an awful racket..." --Basil Pennington </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> |
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#10
Dec 03, 2004, 11:21 AM
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((((((((Droopy))))))))
(((((((((Mal)))))))))) & ((((((((((Kimberly)))))))) I'm very sorry for what you all have been through
__________________
 Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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