[HALLIEBETH87]

T says because of my childhood abuse for so long she thinks its greatly affected me. I am dxd bipolar. However I came to realize yesterday that I have dealt with depression since my stepmother came into my life. I was happy-go-lucky but she broke me. I turned inward, scared of people/everything, no contact with outside world as it was forbidden and became depressed...reading books and wanting to be invisible or die...started when I was 8. Since then I have developed the worse anxiety, chronic worry and mood swings (bipolar). My T wants me to discuss Dysthymia with my Pdoc b/c she thinks I have/had it.

Can Dysthymis co-occur with bipolar disorder, or can it develop into bipolar?

[bebop]

it seems if this happened because of a specific person then I would say it is situational depression. something that would go away if that person is not a part of your life much if at all anymore. I know for me I have that happen but when the situation resolves the depression is then gone.

[Rapunzel]

Basically, if you overlap dysthymia with bipolar, that's still bipolar, just with long periods of depression in between manic phases. Bipolar is over-diagnosed a lot currently, and one consideration is that if you are constantly depressed (dysthymia), then when you do ever get up to a normal mood level it feels like something is wrong, because you're not used to it and can't remember feeling good before. So that normal mood state can get misidentified as mania and you can get diagnosed with bipolar. I don' t know if that is the case for you or not. I would have to know more about what your manic states are like. Specifically, how destructive are they? I know that if I start approaching a normal energy level or positive mood, I tend to think that I'm getting a bit manic. I have had dysthymia since childhood also. I think that can come from being a vulnerable and sensitive child, and being exposed to change or instability without getting the support and validation that you need to work through it and adjust.

[HALLIEBETH87]

my recent mania(i get mixed episode and rapid cycling) has left me with barely any friends as I have yelled and said very cruel things A LOT. I no longer have a job because I kept going off at work and I eventually walked out. I wasn't sleeping. I started SI because in between my anger I was so sad.
I am back to my normal state, but I know this is the normal/healthy me.

[pachyderm]

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bebop said:
it seems if this happened because of a specific person then I would say it is situational depression. something that would go away if that person is not a part of your life much if at all anymore. I know for me I have that happen but when the situation resolves the depression is then gone.

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The person not being a part of your life (physically) is not the same as the situation being resolved...

[bebop]

you are right. if you don't allow it to be resolved. somethings will never be resolved though. kind of what you do with what you have I suppose.

[HALLIEBETH87]

the person is gone, but her cruelty lives on inside me. I fight to get past the memories and am working with a T to deal with it all.

But, as a child, it was torture. My mother moved away so I I felt she didnt care ( and mean stepmother told me on a daily basis that my mom hated me and she left because we were bad. I began to believe it.) My dad was there physically, but emotionally he left me 14 ys ago. So, now my dad has died and my mother is so far gone from her illness that she forgets I exist. I am kind of like an orphan. But, the problem is....I have always felt like an orphan. From the time stepmother came in to my life I was alone. No one cared for me anymore. I couldnt even talk to my dad privately. At 11, I wasnt allowed to see my mom anymore (stepmother brain washed us into this) and at 14, all contact with my sister and grandparents stopped as well. All of my family was gone and I was alone. I have been so alone for so long I dont know how to let people in.

at the age of 16 is when it got worse. 2 kids had moved out and ti was just me and stepsister who liked to lie and get me in trouble. I was the slave....I did the cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, and about anything else you can think of. If I didnt do something right away I was called lazy and stupid. Everyday I was told how ugly, fat and stupid I am and how no wonder my mom didnt want me.

I know if I dont stop here Ill go on and on. Sorry. The flashes of hell just keep coming back.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Oh, I have since moved away from the mean lady. I ran away at 17 and now live my granny and sister. When I moved I was usrrounded my family I didnt know anymore. They couldnt undertand my depression (which started at 8) because they onyl wanted their happy go lucky girl back.

I am still trying to get to know them even after 4 years. I still get uncomfrtable around them.

[Rapunzel]

Severe and constant childhood abuse and neglect is a severe trauma that isn't likely to resolve or go away without a lot of work and good treatment. You can recover and reclaim your life, but it won't just happen. And you do deserve to recover from this.

Your depression is understandable, and makes sense given your trauma history. Do the people you are with now know about how your stepmother treated you?

[Soidhonia]

(((HALLIE))). I am sorry that you are sufering to this degree. Trauma like you have wemt through at such a young age takes a long time to overcome and move forward from. A FEW therapy sessions is not enough for you to feel safe. The best thing is to keep going to therapy and getting the professional help needed to help you move forward in life. I hope things get better for you soon (((HALLIE))), and yu start to feel better about your future. Take care. Soidhonia

[HALLIEBETH87]

yes they know what happened. there was like 27 counts of abuse on her....they were all dropped suddenly.

[crazy1]

You say they say your bipolar. They label you for services you are what you are because of abuse not because you are bipolar. Abuse takes the form of many different mental disorders. All the label is for is to get help. Don't focus too much on that focus on overcoming the hold your step mother has over you in your mind. She put her guilt on you don't accept it. Keep working with T.