[darkpurplesecrets]

I feel so alone and scared. I am trying so hard to be of a good cheer and nature and in a place where no one knows how I really feel. Aw--do not really feel anyone will care enough to read this anyway. But this is a very powerful week for me. I do not usually open up about myself because I do not think anyone really cares.

My life has been a secret thus far for the most part and I feel it still it. Why you may ask--because I have always been told I was not worth anything and I did not belong anywhere. I still feel that by a long ways. I feel in the way everywhere I go. I find it hard as maybe for some you can think someone is your friend until they sometimes seem to forget you. Many others become much more important over you. You begin to close back up again so you are not in the way. The truth of what happened to you is not important . Your pain no longer seems to matter. So you begin to hide away once again and no one knows what you think any more.

You grow yes, but when a time comes of eternal pain that pricks at your heart until it almost pricks you away--and no one notices it hurts. Inside you scream just like you use to and no one hears you and even if they do, they do not hear. I know I am not making any sense right now and I apologize. I am really afraid, and I am sorry. But if anyone out there can care for even a minute please, I could use a hug--please----I am afraid. I am afraid of me and of what is inside. Because none of you really know what I am holding. I am shaking and scared, and maybe I have no right to even ask--but I am holding a very heavy heart that to be honest--it is toooooo much for me.

darkpurplesecretes

[complic8d]

(((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))

[SpottedOwl]

(((darkpurplesecrets)))

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I send you a ton of virtual hugs, and support. You're not alone.

One thought I had reading your post -- "I'm trying to hard to be of a good cheer and nature..."

Maybe you don't need to always try to be in a good mood. Maybe it is ok to be sad or angry or lonely or scared.

I don't know your story, but since this was posted in 'Survivors of Abuse', that is enough. In my own journey, I have found that sometimes fighting the uncomfortable feelings by trying to be the 'happy, put-together person', just makes me feel worse. Slowly I've been working with T to just accept *all* my feelings -- the happy ones and the painful ones. I've noticed that once I stop trying to deny the painful feelings, they don't seem so overwhelming.

I don't know if this helps. If not, ignore what I said, and just accept a few hugs.

[chaotic13]

(((darkpurplesecrets)))
I'm sending you good vibes and many virtual hugs.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Be gentle with you.

Many many hugs.

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

[Justgiving]

((((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))))

(((((( Darkpurplesecrets ))))))

((((((((((((((((DARKPURPLESECRETS))))))))))))))))))))))

Many safe hugs and lots of care to you. You are such a wonderful person, so kind, caring and so worthy of love and care. Iknow it's difficult not to listen to the lies of yesterday ..... leave them behind, they are as useless as the people who spoke them ...... you deserve to be heard, loved, cared for .....

love you, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[pegasus]

Wish I could write like that and say how it really is!

Much love to you. (((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))

[pachyderm]

Yes, many of us (I, at least) recognize exactly what you are talking about. It is not at all strange to me. I live with it and grow nevertheless.

(((((purple)))))

[thelostone]

(((((((((((((((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))))))))))))))))))


i understand what you are saying. i am in a similar place.

lost

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))))))))

[sabby]

My dear friend (((((((((((((((((((((((((( dps )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Your pain is so evident I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and wish I could give you even an ounce of peace.

How does a friend, who has never experienced your experiences, be able to touch you in a way you can feel that ounce of peace and understanding that I so wish to give to you? I guess all I can hope for is that in time, with love and patience, you will be able to feel and understand the love and respect that so many people have for you. And hopefully, you will also feel love and respect from within as well. I know you are working hard to get to that day....and I'm right behind you in your cheering section along with so many others here.

In the meantime I will extend my hand to you ................................................................................................................. Take it whenever you need it


sabby

[ginniesky]

awww.... safe and gentile hugs ... wish i could do more .....

darkpurplesecrets

I know from your writting your pain is real
I feel for you
I wish i could lift your heart and give you some peace
Know i care and I do wish for you to feel better
(((((you matter)))))))))))))))))))
muffy

[ginniesky]

many safe and gentile hugs ...... i wish i could do more .......

[nowheretorun]

((((darkpurplesecrets)))))))))))))

im sorry i am late on this....

within you is a person who loves so many, cares for so many..

i pray for your healing.. i pray that the suffering and pain will end for you, that in your future are days of love and enjoyment with caring others surrounding you... please never feel despaired with lonliness or fear... there are many kind people who care... love, kindness, and healing to you always