childhood abuse

As a child i went through a lot of mental and verbal abuse from my father. As well as physical abuse that isn't or shouldn't be normal. Now when someone pushes me and upsets me I feel like i want to get violent. I don't but I want to hit sometimes. What is it that I should do to keep these violent thoughts out? Does it come from holding in so much from my childhood and now I can't take it anymore?

(((((((((((((((DSVirginia82)))))))))))))))))

Welcome to PC. Underneath anger and violence is hurt. Because you were abused and controlled, if you feel someone is trying to do the same again your defenses come up straight away .... you really need a good therapist to help you work through these issues. I'm so sorry you had to endure the bullying and abuse from your father. It hurts when someone who is supposed to love and protect you acts this way, my mother was the same, and to some extent throughout childhood so was my dad. Easier said than done, but when you have these feelings of anger and want to hit out, walk away until you have calmed down. Break the cycle of abuse by not following in your dads footsteps..... i wish you well, lots of care and keep reaching out here. There are some wonderful people with good advice on this forum ......

safe hugs, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

HI DSVirginia82,

I was phys/sex/emo abused in childhood and not allowed to be angry or protect myself.

I've had lots of hurt feelings and anger inside. I never wanted to get angry because I might become just like them.

At one point I found a plastic bat and allowed myself to beat up my pillows and the bed to physically let out some of the anger that I neede to release. It was hard to do that, but it made me feel some better. Some people beat up phone books with rolled up newspapers - it is kinda noisy and that helps to let it out. Sometimes (only if alone) I holler too, really loud and long and just let it all out. It feels really good - but I do have to protect myself from myself and stay safe. One day I beat up a 55 gallon Rubbermaid trashcan and split my knuckles open when my hand slipped - but it was still worth it. Most of this stuff is ways to let the anger OUT of my mind and my body. If any of this resonates with you maybe you can try it out.

Feelings ARE NOT wrong. We just have to learn how to have them and stay safe, too.

Hugs and Hang in there!

Leslie