[xylia]

I've got this memory really bothering me tonight from a few years ago when I was in middle school. Sorry, I guess it seems kind of stupid and insignifigant, but I'm really hurting about it right now.

I was hiding out during lunch in a remote part of the school grounds, trying to hide away so no one would find me crying, when I heard voices. It was a group of girls, some who I recognized from class, others not. They were shouting and swearing. And then they found me. I stood up to run, but I couldn't move. They came over and one of them pushed me on the ground and kicked me in the stomach. She screamed "Little #@$*%! You think you're so smart, huh? You think you're better than us?" I tried to get up, but they tripped me. "Why can't you be normal? It doesn't matter if you're teachers pet when you've got no friends!" "Fag!" "Idiot!" "You're such a loner, why don't you just kill yourself!" "Or go home crying to your mom, like a little baby!" The worst thing was I had no one to go to, not my parents or teachers and I had no friends. It went on like that for a while, and then they all spit on me and left. When I got up, there was a small cut on my face, and many bruises on my arms and stomach. I felt terrible. I just sat down and cried until the bell rang.

I hate myself.

[RozG]

I'm sorry i have nothing to say except you must PLEASE know that wasn't your fault, kids can be cruel. Please don't hate yourself coz i KNOW you are a special human being.

Much love & hugs to you ok?
roz
xx

p.s. i'm so sorry you are hurting over this right now.

[reddevil]

(((((((((((Xylia))))))))

Kids can be so.. lovely (yeah, right) at times.

Please don't hate yourself, it was not your fault.

[MINIME]

I wish i could go back in time and I would have kicked those kids you know what. Im sorry that they did that to you. I never will understand why some kids can be so mean to other kids. I bet they feel bad about it now. You gave me comfort tonight and good insight and that shows what a good kind gentle person you are. Can U talk to you with the same gentleness?

[pachyderm]

Yeah, similar experiences.

Your being afraid/down & out is SO scary to many people that they HAVE to do something about it and kicking you is the "best" way they can manage. Especially children who can know no better. I think there is an animal instinct to shun or punish one who is down. It seems to be blind nature's way of pruning out the sick. Although it may be nature's way, that doesn't mean it has to be our way. After all, that's what doctors are for (or are supposed to be for), isn't it? Let's choose a healing way...

[xylia]

(((((all you guys)))))

You made me feel very loved when I was hurt, and I appreciate it a lot. I just have a hard time talking to anyone, about what I remember, in real life. I have such low self-esteem.

Roz: Thank-you for the hugs and comments. I felt very much that you cared.

reddevil: I know, kids can be great sometimes, and at other times they just.... thank-you very much.

Minime: I hope that maybe those kids felt bad, but I bet they don't even remember it. It's so hard to talk to myself the way I talk to others. I always start with "Why can't I be more normal..." or "What do I matter...". It's a bad habit, I think. Thank-you.

pachyderm: I feel somewhat, relieved, to know you've had similar experiences. Your views are highly appreciated. I understand what you mean, about being the down one is so scary the others. Thank-you.

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I guess it seems kind of stupid and insignifigant[ /quote]

Just thought I would say... I don't think the experience you wrote about was stupid. I certainly don't think it was insignificant either.

(((xylia)))

[multipixie9]

Xylia,

It is not "stupid and insignificant" to hurt over bad memories. Those girls committed a crime - assault, against you. They were bullies, cruel bullies.

It is just such a horrible feeling when the whole world seems against you and you have no one to run to for help. I went through verbal bullying at times and abuse at home and felt completely alone and miserable. For some reason I got angry at myself, rather than at the bullies, which seems wrong to me now.

I'm glad you came on here and let us support you. That is a positive thing to do. There are people here who understand and care.

I wish I knew something to tell you that would heal the hurt you feel, but I'm not that powerful. God was the one who helped me heal from so much of the abuse and pain in my past. He helped me know that I am loveable and that I am not really a problem - I had a problem.

You are an OK person, you are not the problem - you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm sorry that happened to you.

Leslieann