[Kiya]

Originally Posted by _Sky

There was a discussion in a thread here once that approached the same topic. Only I think it ran along the lines of whether you were still a virgin if you never engaged willingly?

...and the answer is??? I've never willingly. never. the grooming started at 2 or 3 and the final acts ended at 12. until i dated my abusive boyfriend at 18. even there, tho he was still wearing briefs, he forced me and the t considered it r***. i've never allowed things to get that far again. but i have a hard time considering myself a virgin. in high school, i said i was half a virgin and let ppl guess at that.

((((kiya)))))

sometimes to help myself feel better i wonder if it matters at all...

we are who we are no matter what happened to us and we all matter (as muffy says)

[reddevil]

I would say that if you were never willing, then you're still a virgin.

But, then, the whole concept seems a little.. pointless maybe? Obviously, it's necessary to know when 'sexual contact' (quotation marks, because when it's forced, it's not sexual, at least to me) started, but other than that, too much importance is placed on it in my eyes.

[Kiya]

((((((bunnies, reddevil))))))
yeah... i guess none of it matters in that "sense". It is so pointless a conversation to have to have in public. And yet - it IS one that is held in public - one i usually try to avoid. I don't even feel i *can* be intimate or sexual. to me, it is such a foreign idea, and only conjures pain.

[chaotic13]

I think for me the confusion and anxiety comes when I consider the emotional, intimate component.For me physically..I'm not a virgin, that part I had little control over. But emotionally, well even being married with kids, I might still be a virgin and at this point may die one.

[Kiya]

((((((((Chaotic)))))))))
I am sorry you are hurting so much =(

The whole virginity question is something that has bothered me a lot, and when I was in highschool it seemed like something all the guys I hung out with were obsessed with bringing up. If I'm asked I don't like to answer and in my head I tell myself that if it was forced, then it's not losing your virginity.

[Kiya]

I know that I don't feel like a virgin... i know too much, seen too much. But as far as my waking mind is concerned, i've no reason to know such things. What lies underneath would make any veterin blush.
...there goes my head spinnin again....

[multipixie9]

I got married at 26 and literally thought I was a virgin. I was in my 30's before I realized I had not been a "virgin" technically since I was a toddler. I was in my mid-50's - which is now and I recently realized I had had an alter who was sexually active, in childhood, from a desperate need for touch and "love". My so-called sexual history is so screwed up it makes my head spin and my stomach hurt.

But I do at least know this - I had nothing to do with any of this and I am not guilty. I was made to be what I was by adults who knew better. If there's blame it is not mine and I will not own their's any more. I am not the guilty one.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((Multipixie))))))))))))))))
those sound like good, strong choices.