[blameme]

I am in a bit of a quandry. My mother married her second husband again. This is her fourth marriage. And like all of her other boyfriends and husbands, he.....well, lets just say that he is one of the reasons for my flashbacks and nightmares. (he was by far the worst of all of them.) I have 2 children, one is a boy and one is a girl. My mother is having a sleepover sort of party for my niece's birthday at her house. We live about an hour apart, and she wants my daughter (who is 11) to spend the night at her house with the rest of the girls. She always gives each grandchild a huge party for their birthday. She is very good to my children, I wish I could say the same about myself. I was in fostercare for about 4 years, because of the stuff that happened, although neither of my siblings were. and I believe she is trying to make up for that. Anyway, I didn't mean to digress. I told my mother that my daughter could come for the party but could not sleep over. She thinks I am being irrational and so does her husband and my husband. My husband thinks it is just fine for her to go. He says he (my mother's husband) would be crazy to harm her in any way as she (our daughter) has a brown belt in Ai Ki Jitsu and he (my husband) is a deputy sheriff. I tried to tell him that this man is not intimidated by any of that. But everyone still thinks I am crazy. My son adores my mother and wants to be there too. He is only 5 (he'll be 6 soon) and believes that she is the best thing in the world. My mother is good to them like I said, But I believe it is my job as their mother to protect them and I say NO. With him my husband says because he is a boy and I was a girl that because of what he does for a living he doesn't think that our son is in any danger of falling victim to him. I still say NO!!
Am I being an over protected, insanely crazy *&%$* or am I doing the right thing?

I have only my own opinions....and as an unwilling member of the "flashback" group... and a Mom...of a now 24 year old son..

My answer.. would be "NO"... to even being around the man... day, night.. or anything in-between..... but.. you have to form.. your own thoughts.. but... these are mine...and.. you did ask for opinions.. these are mine..

I... believe a man.. that is bold enough to hurt a child... will find a way to do it.... in any.. any type of circumstances... not just a "sleep-over"..

and absolutely.. no offense.. to your husband.. I can.. personally tell.. him.. many ways.. it happens..... right in the prescense of another adult.. and.. the fact that your hubby... is a sheriff.. well... the man.. just might find that a personal challenge..to see what.. he could do..

My own Mom.. a "good" person.. with a higher education.. not only let it happen to me.. but helped cover it up.... sooo... my faith.. in people.. and the "power" of the badge.. is a little.. "destroyed"..

And.. yes.. that is my viewpoint... from my own years of abuse...and also.. my very protective feelings.. towards my child...and.. if I ever have grandchildren... it will be my protective.. attitude...

Ya.. can bet.. my son.. never got near my dad...

[(JD)]

Always err on the side of caution.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by blameme

I am in a bit of a quandry. My mother married her second husband again. This is her fourth marriage. And like all of her other boyfriends and husbands, he.....well, lets just say that he is one of the reasons for my flashbacks and nightmares. (he was by far the worst of all of them.) I have 2 children, one is a boy and one is a girl. My mother is having a sleepover sort of party for my niece's birthday at her house. We live about an hour apart, and she wants my daughter (who is 11) to spend the night at her house with the rest of the girls. She always gives each grandchild a huge party for their birthday. She is very good to my children, I wish I could say the same about myself. I was in fostercare for about 4 years, because of the stuff that happened, although neither of my siblings were. and I believe she is trying to make up for that. Anyway, I didn't mean to digress. I told my mother that my daughter could come for the party but could not sleep over. She thinks I am being irrational and so does her husband and my husband. My husband thinks it is just fine for her to go. He says he (my mother's husband) would be crazy to harm her in any way as she (our daughter) has a brown belt in Ai Ki Jitsu and he (my husband) is a deputy sheriff. I tried to tell him that this man is not intimidated by any of that. But everyone still thinks I am crazy. My son adores my mother and wants to be there too. He is only 5 (he'll be 6 soon) and believes that she is the best thing in the world. My mother is good to them like I said, But I believe it is my job as their mother to protect them and I say NO. With him my husband says because he is a boy and I was a girl that because of what he does for a living he doesn't think that our son is in any danger of falling victim to him. I still say NO!!
Am I being an over protected, insanely crazy *&%$* or am I doing the right thing?

Ok, so if you are saying that her CURRENT husband abused you and that she wants YOU to allow your children to sleep over. Uh NO WAY, I would not allow it. First of all, your husband, bless his heart, has too much faith in the power of a badge to scare someone into doing something that is, for them, uncontrollable! I empathize with you because your children are little and love their grandmother, but no is the final answer! In my opinion, he is asking for trouble. There are plenty of children whose abusers have lulled them into a false sense of security, only to abuse them, and leave them floundering in the pain of it all!

TJ

[multipixie9]

(((((FreeWill)))))

follow your instincts. i don't know about you but i am really good with "radar" and when it goes beep beep then i pay strong attention.

this man is a predator and your mom will not be able to protect YOUR children from him. don't let anyone make you feel bad for taking proper care of them. Much better to be safe than sorry forever.

hang in there even if they disapprove and fuss at you!!!

leslie and her pixies

[hurtingintn]

i totally agree..it is better to be safe than sorry ..wishing you only the best

[cantstopcrying]

Always always always go with your gut feeling as a mother. If she wants your daughter to attend the sleepover then the husband can stay at a hotel for the night and you can stay at the sleepover too. Go with your gut!