Lately each time i go to the therapist i end up not feeling understood. I feel like she skips around and keeps focussing on "breaking the fantasy bond" between me and my parents. Sometimes I just want to her feel the pain i am in and not focus so much on that. I feel so frustrated and dissappointed in my progress. I wonder if she is just giving up on me making any change

[wisewoman]

What does breaking the fantasy bond between you and your parents mean? And yes, you need to have a witness to your pain as it was in silence for so long. It's for me like holocost survivers telling their stories on holocost rememberance day. We need to never forget and bear witness, both on a personal level, and for society. it is with exposure to the things that were traumatic for you that they start to lose their power.

[SweetCrusader]

EV, in the case of this post, I thought I had responded! I'm sorry!

Have you talked to your T about this??

Thank you both. WW. A fantasy bond is when you you see your relatonship with your parents as great b/c its too hard to really see their flaws b/c you can't take feeling alone and uncared for by the people who love you.

SC: I haven't talked to my therapist about it. I feel like im screwing up so much.. if I say anything shes going to hate me. She's like my only connection with someone who knows my struggles right now. I guess I have a real problem with trusting people are going to be there if i open up. Every time i call her its been taking a week for her to call back. I feel like shes pulling away and its making me so nervous. I just pray God keeps me during this.

[gloria]

I'm sot sure this is going to help but here I go,
my t is getting paid, yours is too, who cares if through you or state benefits or whoever, she has an obligation to provide a service she is being paid for. If you call her, she needs to call you back a lot sooner than a week later!! If not because she cares, at least because she is being compensated.

Also, I would let her know there are issues that for you are more important to address than your relationship with your parents. Tell her you expect her to focus on your needs and what is important to you, and that may be different than what she had planned for the session. If she is a good t, she'll understand.