[searchingmysoul]

Most of my childhood was traumatic and/or I was abused. I have talked about it some in T, given a brief overview. But I am holding back. I am scared to talk about it. And so far when I have talked just a little about it my PTSD symptoms get worse. I want to do it. I truely desire to. I just need some support in taking this next step and would love to hear what the experience has been like for others....

Thank you.

~Searching

[skeksi]

I know that when I first began talking about the abuse in T, it made my PTSD worse, too. I felt like T was making me sicker! I had to trust the idea of "it gets worse (for a bit) before it gets better." But it DOES get better, so hang in there.

We spent a lot of time talking around the abuse before I felt safe enough to actually discuss it. It helped me a lot just to be able to talk about my fear--to admit that yes, I was scared to talk about what happened to me, and to be reassured that it was okay to be scared.

The biggest thing I learned was that rushing things would not help me. I had to go at a pace that felt okay--well, not *okay*, but not too overwhelmingly scary. My T and I found all kinds of ways for me to 'take control' in a session so I felt safer.

Be patient with yourself. Our fear is there for good reason, and it will take time to be able to discuss what happened to you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((searchingmysoul))))))))))))))))))))))))))

When I started T, I definitely felt an "urgency" to get better - NOW! I was so sick of living with the memories, the PTSD, etc.

It turns out healing is a slow process (at least for me). During some sessions, we literally managed to get through only ONE SENTENCE about a trauma...there would be all of this fear leading up to it that would take up a bunch of the session, I would finally spit it out, and we would process it. Talk about slow!

AND, yes, my PTSD definitely felt much worse at times during the process (and I'm sure there will be times when that happens again). T compared it to chemo - sometimes the thing that heals us makes us feel sicker for a while...

Let yourself take your time. Talk about how hard it is to talk. You will get through this.

[searchingmysoul]

Thank you both!

It helps to hear from others who have been there. It is helpful to read that it is difficult, that symptoms can get worse, and that it is okay to go slow.

I guess I am in need of quite a bit of reassurance and encouragement right now. Thank you again.