When a loved one hits you....

may i say that you each have showed high amounts of bravery in sharing your lives with us? i know i for one feel encouraged by your show of bravery in the face of fear... bravery takes many forms.. to look within, to ask, to seek and wonder when there is a storm in our face is an act of courage in any profession..

Yes. Sometimes when I'm upset with myself, I want my husband to beat me, punish me the way my mother would. Doesn't matter if I actually did anything wrong- I want to be punished to help ease my emotional pain. Of course, my husband would never do that. He was upset when I told him I felt that way. I know this is not healthy and am in counseling. I'll bring it up eventually.

Hugs for everyone who's gone through this. You are not bad, you did nothing wrong, and it is not your fault. I know it's hard.

i know how you feel i was afraid of my mom because she used to hit me and i dont remember doing anything wrong

Yes, I notice even now that I expect some kind of assault much of the time. I spent years cringing, and inside I notice that I still feel that way. It is daunting and liberating to just watch that reaction taking place.

Hi Patty,

I know you posted this quite a while ago but I am new to this community and yours is the first story that is a lot similar to mine.

I didn't have much choice as a child to get away from the abuse from firstly my father and then my mother but I certainly do now.

I have never and will never, and I can say this with all certainty, be in a relationship which has domestic violence in it. With what I have been through I just cannot understand why people stay with their partners who abuse them. They will never change.

My father was treated badly by his father and he is now an alcoholic who is living on borrowed time. My parents have been married for 36 years and they are still the same as they were back then. The only thing that has changed is that my mother has now turned into the abuser to a point.

Thinking about my family and what has happened in the past, most of my brother's and sister's relationships are a total mess. My sister, who is a year younger than me, seems to have emulated my mother's life right down to the domestic violence and my other sister has a deadbeat boyfriend who is an alcoholic and drug user all by the age of thirty. My brother is onto his second marriage and third child by three different mothers but he still isn't happy. I cannot understand how my frame of mind is so different to that of my sisters.

I am thirty five and my problems have come to a head in that I have to deal with them now.

I used to go to my friends house when I was a teenager and her dad was brilliant with her and i used to think why can't I have a dad like that.

i just wanted to let you know that I recognise what you have gone through and if you ever need to talk please feel free to.

I know the only way to get through this is to get it all out in the iopen but there are not a lot of people who want to listen. This site is brilliant for listening from the posts I have read.

"What goes around, comes around"

Sharon

Unfortunately it is a cycle that they are all repeating! I recognize it in all of my sisters and brothers and myself! The abuse destroys are self-esteem so much that we seem unable to make good choices, become dysfunctional ourselves in so many ways...codependency...in many of us! Someone on these boards who has helped me a lot said, "it is because we feel unhealthy around HEALTHY PEOPLE...AND SHE IS RIGHT! It's too easy, too right, no chaos and so we are BORED! At this point in my life I could use some boredom, I'm tired of the drama!

TJ

I wasn't hit constantly during my childhood, onlywhen I was bad or said something wrong. I couldn't disagrue with my parents though. I had no opinion when I was a child. Maybe that is why I tolerate the abuse now, I feel that I was the one doing bad things. But that doesn't give him the right to chocke me or beat me upside my skull. He feels that with the things I'vd done to him like not answering his questions or lying give him rights to abuse me. It doesn't. I know I was wrong in most of what I did. But he isn't any better. He rips my clothes so I can't wear them or he cuts my shoes. It's too much.

Hi,

I am sorry to hear that you are in that type of relationship. Is there no one you can talk to who could help you.

I do not want to appear to be judgemental but why do you stay with him. A relationship should be about mutual respect and consideration for each other. You are worth a lot more.

If you do wish to talk any more about this, I am a good listener.

Sharon

I wasn't hit constantly during my childhood, onlywhen I was bad or said something wrong. I couldn't disagrue with my parents though. I had no opinion when I was a child. Maybe that is why I tolerate the abuse now, I feel that I was the one doing bad things. But that doesn't give him the right to chocke me or beat me upside my skull. He feels that with the things I'vd done to him like not answering his questions or lying give him rights to abuse me. It doesn't. I know I was wrong in most of what I did. But he isn't any better. He rips my clothes so I can't wear them or he cuts my shoes. It's too much.

Sounds familiar Letgo... I couldn't disagree with my mother or talk to her about anything... I think that is why I take a lot of abuse from people without saying anything, I bottle things up, I eat my feelings... If I said anything back to my mother, I was hit so I just learned to shut up!

Please try to get out of that relatinship, abuse is abuse whether it is physical or mental... I'm in a mentally abusive relationship and I''m working on getting out, please do the same it is not healthy for you and is very dangerous! Please feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to...

TJ