[Kiya]

AAAAAAHHHHhhhhh!

[pegasus]

((((((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))))))

[Kiya]

[nowheretorun]

sending hugs and cares Kiya... some days are so very hard

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by Kiya

No bangy heads please.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Kiya]

sorry - it's just too much.

[Sens123]

i dont understand why they call this group suriors of abuse.when your abused mentally phyicsal the abuse doesnt stop in your head i have flash backs, night mares all the time,my panic is out of control..im not a survoir im a victim. because i deal with the pain of that abuse every day every mintute of the day..im a victim..........i dont go outside because im so scared he will find me and finish me off. im reminded of him every second of the day.. and who reads these posts any way i have been sending pm's to people and invite them to become freinds with me there add me and i dont hear from anyone except trevor...so whats the use.

[madisgram]

sens i was once a victim like you so i do understand your fears. what i did was join a support group for victims of abuse. it helped me so much and i got the support i needed there. as a result i can now say i'm a survivor. yes, there are moments that my heart will race when something triggers it but now i can remind myself i am ok and calm myself down. it's very rare that i have dreams that frighten me but if i'm really tired sometimes it happens. for the most part tho my spirit is healed by participating in that support group.
does the abuser live near you? is that why you are still in fear?
feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat.

[Kiya]

well... we are "survivors". we are not dead and we are not thriving.... i am working towards "thriving".... but slipped back right now.
we are each different - for me, i don't use the word "victim". i never have. i can barely even acknowledge there was abuse (even tho i am DID so this rabit hole goes further than even i understand). but that word -for me only- is a trap and i refuse to be trapped. i hate confined spaces and that word confines me.
again, we are each on our own path... and can only do the work we can do. thanks for the perspective. yeah, i (collective I here) attacked the body because i was dealing with the subject of incest in my school work. but i haven't given up and i won't let it win today. i almost did last night. but today is new and i have some power back. i lived through last night. it was close... too close for comfort. but i am here. i am not a victim.

[pegasus]

*Kiya*

[Sens123]

Originally Posted by madisgram

sens i was once a victim like you so i do understand your fears. what i did was join a support group for victims of abuse. it helped me so much and i got the support i needed there. as a result i can now say i'm a survivor. yes, there are moments that my heart will race when something triggers it but now i can remind myself i am ok and calm myself down. it's very rare that i have dreams that frighten me but if i'm really tired sometimes it happens. for the most part tho my spirit is healed by participating in that support group.
does the abuser live near you? is that why you are still in fear?
feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat.

yes he lives bye me,and i am in T and go to groups there 1 time a week,he is 6'7-550-lbs i was married for 15 yrs to him.and for all those years he abused me he ride with the pagans 1% club and they taught him how to hurt me without leaving marks on my body, he controoled me be my dogs, he would hit my dobbie with a tire buddy for a 18 wheeler,if i ran away he would use that to hits my animalsi had other pagans tell me that they where going to kill me my x used to ride around in his van with my pix posted to the dash board.the last time he hurt me was after my mom died of brain cancer and she was living in the home with us and he abused her also she my mom saw the things he did to me but i was talking care of her 24/7 and he would get jealous of me talking care of her, when he hurt me the last time i was sitting in a office chair, he was soppused to have gone away for 1 day and i didnt see him for a week.i was working in my office @ the time he came home and he came in the office and i said i cant take this no more 1st thing he said wheres my motorcylce title i told him it wasnt in the house and he went balistic he picked me up in the chair to throw me agaist the wall i came down and hit my head on a oak desks then i bounced off the floor he went and got a knife and told me that he would kill me. i layed there dazed because he was in a wheelchair.he lost his leg in a motorcyle accindent with another women on the back of the bike,after a yr she od'd oh drugs , after a while i was able to get up off the floor and got in my van and when i did that he took the tire buddy and started hitting my dobbie.and let my other dogs out of the pen.i got to a public phone and called police. i wa all alone because i took care of my mom,dad,grandmother,and they were are dead. i had no 1 to help me throught this ,the police took me to a hosptial, i layed there and the light to my eyes hurt me so much they though i had brain damage,i was layin there bye myself and thinking that i am so alone not knowing where or what hurt me so badley i had tests after tests done and they didnt know where the pain was coming from they had to put a towel over my face bc it made the pain so much more hurt me.they told me that i had henratied disks in my neck and down @ the bottom of my back this was in 1998. i dont walk good and its hard for me to walk up the stairs,i went last yr to another dr and he told me i now have Facet Joint bone diseaseim in pain 24/7 i take oxy but it doesnt help me just gives me a speed rush.
i dont go out bc im so scared of him,its like i live in a basement only time i go out is to my T and before i go i trow up outside bc im scared to leave my home when i go after T i go to the food store and go home as fast as i can in my van ...i had freinds when i was marriage but he told them that if you hang out with them then your kinds would suffr.i lost all my freinds and i have no one.im in my 40's and i walk like im in my 70's i feel as though i living in a basement with no window to look outside.
i dont call myself a survivor becaue every day & every min of day i am remined of him bc of my spine and my inablity not to be able to do what i used to do.
i cant seem to trust any 1 bc of my ex husband father when we go the settlemnt i signed it over to my fahter in law who i trusted . and @ that time we got throw out of our appt he told us to look for a home.we founud one and i wasnt allowed to go to the closing i was working @ the carlot.he heanded me the keys to the house and said here you go..but when i left my ex that nite i had talked too women aware in my state they told me to take things that i would need to go if he ever hit me again.all i had was a proprty survey..after about 2 weeks i went down to township hall and said i cant find my dead my ex & my ex fahter in law both have same names except for middle intale is differnt.
the women gave it to me as was walking with my chain and buy the timei got to my van on the back of it it said to my ex only as being single. i was devaished
ive tryed reaching out to people on this site they add you and you dont hear from them again and i have set out pms with no response i thought this would be a outlet for me but i guess i was wrong. have to get outta my chair.