[emwell]

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Has anyone ever had a hard time with showering or bathing? I am having this problem for the first time. I have been open about this with my Doctor. We have come to the conclusion that I feel too vulnerable to be naked. Especially in the bathroom. When I want to shower, I find a reason not too. Or distract my self until it is too late to shower. When I got home from work last night, my husband said a hot shower would make me feel better. He was right as I was sore all over. I am mad at myself that I could not make myself feel better by showering.

Any experience is appreciated.

Hi emwell,

I do not like showering in a stall shower as it is triggering of the morning following when I was assaulted and raped.

It took me many years to find comfort in water and tubs are hunky dory for me but showers? Nah! Ick!

If my schedule isn't full I will find excuses not to shower here (no tub) for more days at a time than I care to admit to.

Don't get mad at yourself for having a hard time with this. Instead try some gentle acceptance with yourself around this issue.

It will take time to find a way to make it work for you. Like I said it took years of focused work on my part in order for me to feel comfortable naked under running water.

Feel free to PM me if you want to hear some of the more detailed things that I did over the years to help..............but I still don't like showering so not sure how much help I am.

[emwell]

Thank you for your honest response. You are the first from a few sites who wasn't afraid to reply to this topic. Thank you

Like anyone is going to be able to smell me over the computer?! lol What do I care if a large audience now knows my showering habits are less than stellar?!

It isn't as if I enjoy being less than sparkling clean however the shower issue still presents challenges and difficulties to this day. I do the best I can and the rest? I wear lots of hats!

That's such a very common problem for abuse survivors. If you want to work on it a bit, you could try showering or bathing with shorts and T-shirt on, or even a nightgown. Something to make you feel less scared. Or if your hubby brings you a feeling of comfort, perhaps you could do your showering at night and have him in the room with you, or near by? Then in the morning, maybe just stick your head in the sink to wet it, and do whatever to it.

Making little adjustments during these extra stress times are important, and part of a healthy coping plan. Going without bathing at all is ...um....well.....ahem... just not such a good plan. It's not great health-wise (ummm....prolly didn't need to tell you that), and it's not good for your self-esteem either. Taking care of yourself is loving yourself, mothering yourself a bit. We all need that. I know *I* do!

BIG hugs! emmy

[emwell]

Thanks a bunch for the replies. I was thinking of trying to take a shower with my bathing suit on.
I have also started therapy two times per week so I should be able to work on it there as well.
This is a new problem for me. I appreciate hearing about others experiences. Thank you again. I need to know that I am not alone.

[Mindy]

I have a similar problem, but different. I take showers that are forever long. I never seem to feel clean enough. My kids get frustrated with me, but I turn into a prune before I get out and often run out all the hot water. I have been known to scrub so hard I have sores or bruises. I have to use perfume and powder and lotion and anything to not smell "human." It makes my stomach turn to smell normal human scents, especially my own and male. I especially have a hard time with hands... I can't look at some male hands for any period of time without triggering.

Many of my assaults/rapes/sodomy were in the shower or bathroom as well, but most were in the bedroom, basement, car, etc... so there's not really one particular place that triggers me more than others. But, being alone or in darkness and I'm a basket case. I leave a light on at night and every once in awhile, my 23 year old son will come in and turn it off. If I wake up and I'm in darkness, I panic completely. I had to put a "rear view" contoured mirror in my office because I kept scaring my coworkers when I'd jump out of my chair when they entered my office without my knowing it.

Yes, I understand the showering and triggering issues. You all deserve a big ((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) I wish I could take it all away so we'd all be better now, but it's good to know there's more people out there going through the same thing. My "being alone" thing... doesn't feel quite so bad knowing you're all here.

I had a problem flushing the toilet. Ick I know, but if i had to go at night, I was scared of waking people.

I also slept in my bra until i turned 23. I guess I thought it would be the sheild of protection.

[emwell]

Mindy, I used to have to brush my teeth way too much. I was obsessive over the cleanliness of my teeth. Kind of like your showering.

You are not alone either esthersvirtue. I too slept in a bra for a long time. And that was for years after the abuser was gone.

How long can someone go without a shower? And what type of problems can I expect if I don't shower soon? Besides the answer that I am going to stink.

I am so glad I started this thread. At another site I posted the exact same thing and haven't noticed any responses yet. I am so glad I thought to come here as well. I am also happy to see that people with the opposite issue as I have are also posting. It is all the same when you come right down to it.

Thank you all again
Deb

Hi Deb,

Wondering how the twice weekly therapy is going in regards to the showering issue?

Have you tried the bathing suit idea yet?

I have more questions......Is it your particular bathroom that you are avoidant of? Are you able to shower anywhere else? For me I just loathe shower stalls so much that when friends offered their tubs I'd boogie on over and wash up in a heartbeat!! So for me it was mostly my own negative memories/associations with a shower stall AND the actual shower stall at this house.

You mentioned feeling vulnerable when naked...............is this so much so that changing clothes is difficult? What is dressing and undressing like for you? Where do you do this in your home? Is it with lights on or off?

Are you comfortable being 'looked at' when you are fully clothed? By that I mean having your hubby look at you in a 'hey pretty wife lady way" ..............is that something that is okay.

When did this showering 'phobia' begin? Did any medications get changed before this?

What things in your life help you to feel safe? Are there any things you can incorporate into bathtime/showering that would help remind you that you are safe the entire time from undressing to drying off to putting clean clothes onto a clean body?

I've got more questions and suggestions but will wait to hear from you as to where you are at and what has or hasn't been working.

Dirty girl zh over and out (think pigpen from Peanuts and the cloud of dust! lol)

[Rapunzel]

This must be a much more common issue than we think. But nobody wants to admit to not showering every day, do they? I know that hygiene issues are involved for several of the girls at the facility where I work. There, they are required to shower daily and wash hair at least twice a week. I grew up in a family that still belived in Saturday night baths. Everyone got a bath or shower on Saturday, but that was the only time. I feel like I'm not worth more than that, but I feel dirty if I don't bathe at least twice per week. And my hair sometimes takes more than 24 hours to dry, so if I washed it every day I would never have dry hair. I could blow dry it, but my hair dryer isn't very good and burns it up. I'm not convinced that bathing more than twice a week is necessarily healthier. Your skin needs some of those natural oils that get washed away. And you can always spot clean in between. But each person is different, and people tell me that I don't smell bad or anything like that, while I know that others just do need to shower more often. Ok, there's my confession.

Oh, one more. I sleep with my bra on too. It does seem to offer some small amount of protection. Sports bras are really good for sleeping in - no hooks.

I slept until i was 25. I dont know what thats about, ut I did it too!

[emwell]

WoW so many questions. I will try to answer them all. But first, I showered twice this week. I went upstairs to shave my legs, and figured what the heck might as well shower. Keep in mind this was after a SuperBowl Party. Then yesterday I finally colored my hair. Definite shower needed after that. I did start with a quick bath, but kept my shirt on for that.

There is nothing in particular about the bathroom that I don't like.

Changing clothes is different than showering. I do not feel all that vulnerable. I am usually home alone when I change, and only have to be half naked at a time.

I do not like being looked at. I spent many years perfecting my style of dress so no one can notice that I have boobs.

This showering thing started around Thanksgiving.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What things in your life help you to feel safe? Are there any things you can incorporate into bathtime/showering that would help remind you that you are safe the entire time from undressing to drying off to putting clean clothes onto a clean body?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I'll have to give more thought this one.

Hi emwell!

Checking in with you on where you are at. I'm totally impressed that not only have you coloured your hair but also shaved off the fur! I don't have a tub where I live so the whole leg shaving thing for me is amusing to attempt in my tiny stall.

Let's see what we've covered so far..... the bathroom itself isn't triggering, changing clothes doesn't leave you feeling vulnerable because you only have to be half naked at a time, and you expressed that you have discomfort regarding your bosom. Am I correct so far?

You also were gonna think about what helps you to feel safe. Did you put your thinking cap on during this time?

Last week I managed to shower 'enough' but didn't manage to get much done. I'll still chalk it up as progress!!

I've really been thinking about this a bunch trying to remember how I've become more comofortable with my body and being naked over the years. It certainly wasn't easy and it isn't as if I don't still have issues here and there that pop up. Again with that non linear path of healing.

Please keep posting if you are able as I think this thread is helpful for more ppl than just the two of us 'less than sparkling clean' gals!! lol

[emwell]

Thank you for sticking with me on this issue. I left the original post on another website as well. I have been blown away by the number of responses here and there. I thought I was alone. Now I know I am not. I guess when someone is willing to open up the can, some people feel more comfortable sharing.

Thank you again. I finally replied to your email. Will continue with this thread more later. Thank you again.

Deb

[dalila]

<font color="green"> [b] I prefer the shower to the tub cos I have clear memories of my godfather bathing me afterwards, and my godmother abusing me during bathing(shudders)so any avoidance of that is sought after by me. I have a tendency to delay showering too, but I don't know exactly why. If I have to go somewhere I will wait until about an hour before I have to leave the house. Occansionally I will do a hairstyle that pulls everything back so that I can go one more day without showering. I use scented lotion and that helps hide my derilection.</font> [b]

[emwell]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
But think of this: the shower cleaned your body of the harm that was done. Think of it as a way of cleaning your soul, as well.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This would not work if the abuse took place during bathing.

[worrywart]

I have often felt nauseous when I am dressing after a shower and I wonder why. I also dread going into the showers in public swimming pools i will not even go there