[Achy Turtle Armor]

I have a sponsor that I don't feel like I am connecting with but some would say that I don't even speak with her enough to know. This is fair because I don't. I don't want to have to be calling anyone to check in.

I have several things that bother me. 1) I just divorced a controlling husband and the idea of having to report to someone again is not what I want. 2) I have trouble making friends because I fear being smothered and I don't want to commit to anyone. 3) I don't believe in God and I don't pray. Though my sponsor knows this she still insists that I will "come to believe" and she's always trying to say "You just had a spiritual awakening." 4) I am extremely uncomfortable hugging and she knows this yet continues and has recently added kisses on the cheek. 5) The first time I went to her house to work on the steps she said, "I know you don't pray but I always do before doing any step work but you don't have to pray with me." In the same breath she reached for my hands to hold and began to pray. I was very uncomfortable.

I am aware that a lot of these things are my issues but I don't want to continue with her. It has probably been a month since we spoke and I keep hoping to see her at a meeting to tell her that I don't feel like I am ready to have a sponsor. I don't know why I have such a strong aversion to the phone. I don't want to tell her that I don't want her as my sponsor because of the hugs, kisses, God stuff, and the idea that I am supposed to call her even if I don't have any reason to call. I'd rather just blame it on me and not being ready to commit to having a sponsor.

Any ideas or thoughts on anything I've written would be extremely helpful. I have a meeting in 45 minutes in which I hope to see her. I hope I find the courage to be as honest as I can and just dissolve the relationship.

[Moogieotter]

Yeah. Sponsorship helps so many find longterm recovery. You can make it without one. I'd at least pick up a call list if you are really stuck and are about to relapse.

Learning to socialize sober is a huge part of recovery and benefit of the program. Just keep marking off days, going to meetings, and not worrying about much else. To each in their own way and in their own time.

Good luck,

moogs

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Thank you! My phone is about to die but it went better than I had hoped. I'll write more later.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

So yeah... It went better than expected, of course. She was understanding and ironically she just dropped her sponsor that she'd had for several years. I decided not to go into the hugs, kisses, and religion because it's not like I haven't told her my issues with these things before. I just thanked her for her kindness and willingness to help me and told her that I am just not ready to commit to a sponsor/sponsee relationship.

I appreciate the things you said. I do have a few numbers of people in the program who I can call if necessary. I'm just over 100 days clean and I plan to continue to go to at least 2 meetings a week. I was doing 5 but I started a meditation class and I am going to start yoga again beginning tomorrow. I think the key for me at the moment is to keep busy.

[Moogieotter]

Nice @ 100 days. Not sure what NA has, but in AA the 90 day chip is Red to represent maximum caution. Tons of people let doubt creep in around 90 days and the "did I really have a problem?" game in their head spins out of control into relapse. I relapsed at 100 days in 2011 after $30k 6 week rehab.

I really admire the good ole pot heads who get clean. With so much being studied and published about the reefer these days, addiction is getting bad for many - but denial is strong since it can be played off as harmless and safe easy fun. Not to mention all the crazy strains and edibles, vapes, oils, and CBD for kids! once they start advertising it on TV and billboards, it will be like booze.

So kudos to you for seeing the problem you have with toking and moving on with your life. Hit me up if you need anything. Good Luck and Keep Posting!

moogs

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Nice @ 100 days. Not sure what NA has, but in AA the 90 day chip is Red to represent maximum caution. Tons of people let doubt creep in around 90 days and the "did I really have a problem?" game in their head spins out of control into relapse. I relapsed at 100 days in 2011 after $30k 6 week rehab.

I really admire the good ole pot heads who get clean. With so much being studied and published about the reefer these days, addiction is getting bad for many - but denial is strong since it can be played off as harmless and safe easy fun. Not to mention all the crazy strains and edibles, vapes, oils, and CBD for kids! once they start advertising it on TV and billboards, it will be like booze.

So kudos to you for seeing the problem you have with toking and moving on with your life. Hit me up if you need anything. Good Luck and Keep Posting!

moogs

Thanks!

That's a nice piece of advice/heads up about the 90+ days and feeling "I've got this." We also have a red 90 day... Key tag. I'm very proud of it but I can totally understand that I might have a tendency to slack and end up relapsing.

It's interesting to hear also because as I wrote my post last night I thought... Is cutting back from 5 to 2 meetings a week really a good idea? I'm not sure it is. I do have a home group and I make coffee for my home group. The past 2 weeks I chaired a couple meetings. That was really cool. I think I will only cut out 2 meetings a week and go back to the Sunday AA speaker meetings. I really enjoyed them in the past. So that will be 3 NA meetings and 1 AA meeting.

Oh and yeah... Quitting smoking pot now with it becoming more acceptable, legal in some states, is like my worst nightmare. Then I thought, I'm no different than an alcoholic who can't drink even though it is legal.

[jwmann2]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Yeah. Sponsorship helps so many find longterm recovery. You can make it without one. I'd at least pick up a call list if you are really stuck and are about to relapse.

Learning to socialize sober is a huge part of recovery and benefit of the program. Just keep marking off days, going to meetings, and not worrying about much else. To each in their own way and in their own time.

Good luck,

moogs

This is all mental for you. You have issues rooted within yourself. Sponsorship is a means to an end. The end is stopping your addiction. Just commit to one and see where it takes you. You can always drop them although that's a slippery slope itself.

[LifeGetsBetter]

I don't have a sponsor. I'd love to have one but have too many trust issues. Sometimes I wonder how I've managed to stay sober for 13 years, one day at a time.