[rainbow in the dark]

How many times did you have to read the big book to understand it. I did the 12 steps before with a good sponsor and then I think I have it all figured out...and then I get upset for some reason and I am back to square one it seems. I seem to forget this easier than say algebra,

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by rainbow in the dark

How many times did you have to read the big book to understand it. I did the 12 steps before with a good sponsor and then I think I have it all figured out...and then I get upset for some reason and I am back to square one it seems. I seem to forget this easier than say algebra,

I think you're being too hard on yourself...or perhaps your sponsor was too hard on you. As far as I'm concerned, understanding and accepting Step One is 90% of the job (many, perhaps most in AA would disagree with me & that's OK). There are two parts to Step One, of course:

1.) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -
2.) That our lives had become unmanagable.

First, I was never able to have just one beer & feel comfortable...It was a kind of powerlessness to stop at one, two or three like a "normal drinker." I was powerless over alcohol. I couldn't control my drinking, no matter how many times I promised myself I would. Once I started drinking, I never knew if I'd get so drunk that I'd say or do something stupid, or blackout altogether. Kind of a stupid way to live...

Secondly, since I couldn't control my drinking my life had become unmanagable. I had problems on the job, in my marriage, lost friendships & other relationships, drank instead of spending time with my parents & other family, etc. I made excuses for all of these things...other people, places & things were my problem. It wasn't me! Once I accepted that alcohol was a HUGE source of my unmanagability, it was a big step towards stopping...One day at a time.

Blah, blah, blah...I always go on too long. I was just outlining my own experiences; yours might be very different. Learining & living Step One is 90% of the job where my sobriety is concerned. And I know you've already accepted this step, because you've got a couple years of sobriety! In "How It Works," which is a chapter in the Big Book, it says explicitly that the steps are merely a suggestion. Anyone who tells you that they're working them perfectly, or that there's a "right answer" is too big for their own britches, in my opinion.

In short, now that I've blabbed on too much, the best & most important part of the Big Book for me is all the stories after page 164, because I consistently find myself thinking, "Yep, I did that!"..."Oh, I drank the same way!"...or, "They got sober, so I can, too!" The Big Book is like a portable meeting (that's all it is for me). Don't listen to some asshat who says it's algebra! It sounds like you've got this & are willing to learn about life on life's terms. Carry on, then!

[rainbow in the dark]

Well a lot of you're drinking experiences are similar to mine and I do find similarities in the book's stories also. I think I'll start reading the stories over again. Thanks! How did you find a sponsor who does this or is this how you learned on your own through time?

[emgreen]

I just went to meetings & listened to others speak. My sponsor is an old professor who asks a lot of questions & points out hypocrisies when he detects them in meetings. He pulls no punches, & doesn't treat the Big Book like it's some infallible text like the Bible. He's somewhat of a rebel in AA circles...but I didn't like authority figures much anyways, so we we got/get along fine. When he agreed to sponsor me, he had me read a book called A New Pair of Glasses by Chuck C. You should Google it & find some descriptions of the content. It's a pretty revolutionary look at the program. Chuck C. gave seminars called, "Don't Take Yourself So ****** Seriously." Here's an excerpt from one of his talks...I hope the link works:

[emgreen]

Have you returned to meetings yet, rainbow? If not, don't feel bad. I've not been to one in a few weeks because I've been isolating. It's a hard habit to break, & I'll be kind of cooped up for 4-6 weeks. I started using the phone again this past week to talk with a few guys from the program, but wasn't even answering my phone for quite a while there.

[leejosepho]

Beginning in 1981, I attended up to as many as fifteen meetings per week for over a year before I finally found someone who could actually help me do what is actually shared and suggested in the A.A. Big Book. I already knew my drinking had been a mere symptom (and not the cause) of my problem of not being able to manage my own life successfully (Step One) and I knew the book was about learning a completely new manner of living (Step Two)...but most of what I heard in most meetings was in conflict with what is shared in the book and I could not sort that all out on my own. If you have yet to find someone who can show you "precisely how we have [permanently] recovered" (Foreword to First Edition), send me a PM and I can put you in touch with someone who can.

[madisgram]

After close to 30 years sober I still learn new things from the "Big Book". Going to a Big Book meeting once a week helps. I'll read a sentence I've read many times before and then one day it's meaning or answer jumps off the page.