[sadly_me]

i wanna hide here otay. i not happy. my big me hurts us sometimes but i dis hurted me too. i scrached my arm till it hurted an it red now 'n it stingez. i lernded dat from big me. her not mad at me. we boff hurt. i used to not hurt but now i do. i used to hab big me friends who played mommy and daddy to me but dey dudn't wanna do dat no more. dey dudn't want me no more. no bodee wants us. no bodee wants big me an no bodee wans me needer. big me say i was da part dat dudn't be sad. but i not happy no more. no more! no bodee luvs us. no body wantez us. wee iz all bad! we not no good for nobodee. we has a fweend but we scarded him away. we scare eberbodee awayee. ecept da bad man dat wont leeeb us alone online. onwee da bad man online wantez us. him wantez big me to make him a babee so him can hurt it. i tink peepew is bad! awll peepew is bad!!! eben wen dey tewll dey lub you dey dudn't. i wanna be a anjel. dat wut i wan.

[ujaz]

You sound very hurt, that's sad. Not all people are bad & some honour does survive in this world. Even in the darkest moments better times call across our lives. In enduring holding on to ourselves only stronger can be. There are moments in this world of great beuty, love & grace that make a soul. Also such awsome emptyness can swallow the spirit in horror. It's the interplay of the drama our beings are tested & questioned buy our actions as to our own morality. Hang in there one hopes & survive for another day.

[iamtwilight]

ujaz put it very beautifully.

(((sad angel)))

sorry you are hurting so much.

safe hugs if that's ok.

twilight

[sadly_me]

tank you boffs. dem big words but big me try esplain. we didn't sleep none las nite an i soooooooooooo tiwered! sleepy tiwered!!! an my booboo hurts. dat where i scratchted an it huwrt. big me put meditin on it but it till hurwrt.

i so dudn't feewl good. i feel reawy reawy reawy sad. i not happy none no more. awll da happy awll gone. no more happy. i stiwl dis wanna be a anjel.

big me say to twy to pway. her say pway make believe. her say pway fun... but i no not have no more fun. all gone! no more happy fun neber neber neber neber neber agin. awlll gone.

i has'n smiweee ishus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sadly_me]

dumdum smiwees

[cantstopcrying]

Hi little one. I'm so sorry you're not happy anymore, and that you scratched. I think your big has a good idea about praying. Praying can help you feel better. Do you know any prayers? What kind of things used to make you happy? Do you like to color? Maybe you could color or draw a picture of what makes you sad? I think snuggling up with that teddy bear in you picture would be very good, taking a nice sleep. Those smilies can be kind of hard to work sometimes. I have trouble with this one sometimes: I hope you get some sleep and maybe before you sleep you can say a prayer.

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

Hi little one. I'm so sorry you're not happy anymore, and that you scratched. I think your big has a good idea about praying. Praying can help you feel better. Do you know any prayers? What kind of things used to make you happy? Do you like to color? Maybe you could color or draw a picture of what makes you sad? I think snuggling up with that teddy bear in you picture would be very good, taking a nice sleep. Those smilies can be kind of hard to work sometimes. I have trouble with this one sometimes: I hope you get some sleep and maybe before you sleep you can say a prayer.

crawls ober to sit near cantstopcrying

i reawy sad today. i scawtched an my booboo huwrts now.

i know now i way me down to sweep i pway da Lord my soul to keep if i die before i wake i pway da Lord my soul to take... but dat kinda sad pwayer

i dis pway God make me feew bettew pweeeeeeeeeeeze an make my booboo no sting no more

i like to color pitures. i good at dat. i can dwaw pitures too. big me sometime dwaw pitures so her not huwrt herself. but i too sad and tiwurd to do pitures.

big me say her got meditine we gonna take make us sleep for allll day. i wanna sleep for alll day. i didn't sleep no lass nite. i got cwanky too.

i has a teddy bear and a cat in da hat and a doggie. dem all i sleep wiff. but i dudn't let big me real doggies take mine! i has to keep dem safe.

i go now

[cantstopcrying]

You can come sit next to me while you sleep (I'll make sure bigs dogs don't get yours ) You rest now.

[sadly_me]

otay. dudn't let dem gets my aminals. i gonna lay down go to sweep now. cuz i tiwerd. you dudn't go no where. tay. i sleep.

[cantstopcrying]

I'll stay right here!

[sadly_me]

i tried to sleep...but i can't. i gave up...

[cantstopcrying]

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep...but at least you got to lay down and snuggle! Maybe you could draw and color! That would be fun! Do you like snow? I have a lot snow where I'm at. Maybe you could draw a snowman in a yard of a pretty house.

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep...but at least you got to lay down and snuggle! Maybe you could draw and color! That would be fun! Do you like snow? I have a lot snow where I'm at. Maybe you could draw a snowman in a yard of a pretty house.

hi my bestest fwend,

i did layded down. affer i took bunches of pills i sleepted. i feel'n reewy reewy loopy right now i dudn't tink i could draw a line...i twy later doh. i dudn't know if i like snow. big me seen snow bafor but i hasn't. dere not snow here!! but i knowed wut a snow man is cuz i watched frosty da snowman lass year. i tink i could drwaw one.

bye bye cantstopcrying!

[cantstopcrying]

Hi sweety! Will you do a favor please? When you take medicine to sleep, make sure you take only the amount it says to, ok? It would make me very sad if you took too much and something happened to you. Ok?

You don't have snow where you are? I used to live in Hawaii where there was no snow; it made me sad at Christmas. Then I lived in Virginia Beach and spent Christmas day on the beach and loved it! I love Frosty the Snowman--it's such a fun movie! I looked out the window just now and it's still snowing!!

If you're still feeling loopy, make sure you stay safe, ok? Pretty please? Ok, sweety, I have to go feed my dogs. I have two dogs. You be safe tonight, ok? Will you post here tomorrow and say hi and let me know how you're doing?

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

Hi sweety! Will you do a favor please? When you take medicine to sleep, make sure you take only the amount it says to, ok? It would make me very sad if you took too much and something happened to you. Ok?

You don't have snow where you are? I used to live in Hawaii where there was no snow; it made me sad at Christmas. Then I lived in Virginia Beach and spent Christmas day on the beach and loved it! I love Frosty the Snowman--it's such a fun movie! I looked out the window just now and it's still snowing!!

If you're still feeling loopy, make sure you stay safe, ok? Pretty please? Ok, sweety, I have to go feed my dogs. I have two dogs. You be safe tonight, ok? Will you post here tomorrow and say hi and let me know how you're doing?

i otay. nostop'ncwy'n

i did bad an i tookted lots of meditine i tinks i took bout 8 klonopin (dat all i had!) - but i iz a big big girl. but it made me sleep reel good awwwl da way to 3 clock today. i likded sleepy. now i dis has benydril to take to sleep. i likes sleep.

but no wut happen when i sleep. da bad man cummed turn off my water. now i dudn't has any. but it gonna rain tomoroow. so big me say we gunna put buckets outtide to get rain!! an her say i can takes a baff outtide in da rain cuz no body see us in da back yard... giggles. i wanna takes a baff outtide!!

i gotta melts some ice so i kin was my hands so i kin suck my tumb cuz i wanna do dat now.

no snow where i libs. big me say dat a good ting do cuz preey soon i not gonna has no heat! lol!

dat otay i still gots my cwayons. dey been paid for aweedy.

bye bye

[cantstopcrying]

Oh sweety, I really don't think you should be taking that much medicine. That's not safe. Make sure your big knows that it's not safe. I will worry about you.

That'll be kind of fun to take a bath outside Do you want to have your big send me a private message with your zip code and I'll see if I can get her a number to call for help getting you some water?

What are you going to color or draw with your crayons? I don't draw very well. My youngest daughter likes to draw a lot. Will you describe the picture to me?

[sadly_me]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

Oh sweety, I really don't think you should be taking that much medicine. That's not safe. Make sure your big knows that it's not safe. I will worry about you.

That'll be kind of fun to take a bath outside Do you want to have your big send me a private message with your zip code and I'll see if I can get her a number to call for help getting you some water?

What are you going to color or draw with your crayons? I don't draw very well. My youngest daughter likes to draw a lot. Will you describe the picture to me?

i otay. da meditine no make'n me sick. big say her know not safe to take lots of meditine. her know not to take tylonel lots cuz dat hurt sumfin called a liber. dats inside my tummy. we dudn't takes tooo much. pwomise.

it gonna rain tomorrow by da morning. i gonna awe wet den i gonna come back intide in my laundry room an get all soapy! lots 'n lots of soapy. den i gonna go outtide an make awll da soapy go way. but big me say it gonna be cold!!! uh oh. i dudn't liek be'n cold. dat otay. i warm up inttide.

big me gonna fill buckets of rain to wash dishes and underpanties. we got 12 dowars to pends at wawmart 'n we gonna buy water for da dogies.

you no worry bout water. we loss water before an when we get money we pay big fine an we pay all da money we owded dem an dey turn back on.

i gonna go to see my bestest fwends sunday an we gonna bakes cookies monday and i gonna get lots and lots and lots and lots of hugs. dey love me. but i no tewl dem nutin bout all da bad stuff cuz dey dudn't want to know bout all my "dwama" dey say dat one time. we dis be happy fwends.

big me gonna be sneeky an pwatend to spiw sumfin on her shirt an dend her gonna sneek sum laundree to do. big me sneeky like dat.

den we gonna get money from da ployment people dat you don't hab job. den we gonna pay da morgag an da lite an den maybe da water. maybe maybe we dis pay da morgage an makes da money lass longer big me say.

i dudn't liek da big me stuff i dis wanna be lil now no more big stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dudn't know what i dwaw picture of. i dudn't feew like dwawn' no piture. cept if i did dwaw a piture it would dis be black awwwwlll black NO happy colors. nope.

[sadly_me]

my hed hurt'n.

big me made a fwend go away online. now i sad cuz i dudn't tink he gonna wanna be our fwend no more. an he knowded bout me too. big me makes eber body go way. now hims gonna be mad.

i not sleep'n.

it' not waining yet. i stinky 'n wanna take baff.

i sad. i tired of being sad.

when da sad gonna stop? i dudn't eben wanna color no pitures.

i wanna die an be a angel. but big me say we not gonna do dat. big me sad cuz i so sad. her say it her job to not let me get sad. an her say her fayer (she means failure) i sayd dat, big me!

[sadly_me]

i tin no sleep. i no sleep lass nite and i no take a nap yesserday an i no sleep to nite. i can no sleep. i fijedee. i not happy not sad jis sleepy. sleepy. but win i lay down to sleep i no sleep. i wanna sleep!!!!!

[sadly_me]

wow..that's some powerful stuff...i took 4 benedyl and i just woke up. i think it's saturday evening? i think i took the stuff

ugh this sucks cuz my house is a disaster and i'm supposed to go to a friend's tomorrow and my Dad was coming over to let my dogs out so i HAVE to clean and i still have to go to wal-mart to buy water with my gift card since the water was shut off...

sorry i'm posting all this here...

i just remembered posting about how tired i was...and was trying to figure out what day that was and when this is!

ugh!!!!!!

well, at least i finally got some sleep?!

[multipixie9]

sadly me, you are in a very bad place emotionally, financially and socially. i am very sorry that things are this bad for you. when it happens during the holidays that just seems to make the bad feel awful and what bothers seems much worse.

your little has been saying some things that hint at really, really bad stuff, scary stuff like overdosing medicine and wanting to die and be an angel, self-injury, financial issues leading to water being turned off and worries about the basics of life being un-available. PLEASE do not ignore these warning signs of how bad things are getting for you.

if you haven't done it please start looking for financial assistance from city, state or church groups. you do need help and i hope will not feel embarrassed to take help. i know your little said you lost friends due to issues and others do not want to be involved in your "dwama" as she puts it. some folks can't or won't be able to handle the reality of your issues and wounds and needs, but there are people who are willing to help. please use them. i'm willing to bet that if you had money and saw someone with your kind of needs you would reach out and help them, right? FOR NOW, y ou may need to take and be the needy one until things get better. if you will do the healing work of counseling you will be able to be the giver some time - maybe even pretty soon. do whatever it takes to make it through, please. please call any available crisis line when you get desperate enough to take 8 klonopin. that may not be enough to kill you, but it sure is NOT good for you. they will help you think it through more clearly.

leslie and her pixie pals sadly me

to sadly me's little: it will get better, it takes time and it seems slow, but it will get better sooner or later. please do NOT obey any voice in your mind who says to take too much medicine or to do anything that will worry people about you.
when you feel like scratching take out the crayons and draw colors and shapes for your feelings. when i want to scratch i feel like big black scribbles and scratchy purple and red marks. u can use any shape or picture to show your feelings.

PRAYER is talking to God like he is right there in the room wif you. you can think of him sitting right beside you, then you tell him all that is inside of you that worries or hurts you. you can just ask him to take care of you and he will help you. God is always good and will always help when we have problems. He always loves small children and big ones and God hates bad peoples behavior when they hurt children.

even littles can make good choices and they can let God help them. me and my littles got to go now. we only got 4 hours sleep last night because there was a break in at the church my husband attends and we helped clean up. i'm glad no one was hurt, but we don't have much money at the church and people trying to rob it is not ok!!!

my pixies and i are sending you both big, gentle hugs if you want them. take GOOD care of you.

[sadly_me]

thank you. i was in a very bad place last week and the week before. but i am feeling a little bit better. thinking a little more clearly anyway.

i spent Sunday to Tuesday with my two best friends (a married couple) and being with them helped calm me down and let me escape everything for a little while. it was a blessing!!!!!

i'm still feeling badly, but not quite that desperately. i did come close to going to the hospital - for me that is as desperate as i get before doing something that can't be undone.

i do really really thank you for all your posts!!! multipixie9

i feel detached from my life - which is what's so hard right now. there are so many many many many things i should be doing but can't. i am looking into vocational rehab that i found out about last week - it might be possible that they could help with some therapy. the state program would pay for it...if they see it as being necessary to helping me work. i'm afraid how i'll feel if it falls through though.

as for the basic necessities. i was able to get an extension on my electricity until mid-january. the water is still shut off. but i'm working ways of fitting a shower here and there at a friends or parents so no one realizes what's going on. like tomorrow my parents are taking my aunt to lunch and a movie...so i'm gonna go over to their house to shower and wash a load of clothes. pathetic but it will get me through this week. the friends i stayed with this past week picked up on some stuff and i know they know i'm financially strapped. my friend felt the need to "clean" out her pantry so i took home some cans of soup. next week there'll be lots and lots of left overs from Christmas. i know i'm thinking in the short term...but that's all i can handle right now.

my little thanks you for what you said. she feels bad that she hurt herself and wanted to be an angel. she worries that it made me sad. but i told her it was ok. being with my best friends really really helped calm her down. they accept her and kind of parent her. she feels safe with them and can be herself. so that was awesome for her. she got to play video games and bake cookies.

((((hugs)))) & thank you's

[Jewels]

I'm glad to hear you are doing a bit better. it's an awful place to be sometimes, and the struggles that you face in getting things done can be so overwhelming that it piles up and piles up and then you really can't face it...that happened to us this past week...we had laundry from six weeks ago that wasn't done because we just couldn't move off the couch. a friend came over, took all our laundry, went to the laundromat and came back with it all clean and ready to be put away. what a blessing that was, and now we have tons of clean clothes, sheets, blankets and other necessities. we have come to the conclusion that we DO need help in the house, keeping it tidy and helping us with laundry, etc., so we are looking into getting help from the local welfare office for that. we shouldn't have a problem with that since we have physical limitations as well. sometimes we just sit and cry because of all the things we should be doing, but just can't bring ourselves to do. our friend from church has been so strong for us, helping us in every way possible, and even took us to our facet injections appointment, waited in the waiting room for it to be over (it took about 2 hours) and then took me to their house to recoup for the day. they did laundry again at their house. i can't ever repay them for their kindness, so i do try to give them gas money and pray for them for blessings for reaching out to us. suffice it to say we understand where you are, and are hoping things will turn around for you. you deserve to be affirmed and valued as a person as much as everyone else does.

take time to pamper yourselfs, and remember, we are all here waiting to sit with you while you cry, listen to you when you talk, and hold your hand when you are too weary to do anything else but cry...

soft hugs and prayers, Beth

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( sadly me )))))))))))))))))))

[sadly_me]

i not feew'n good. i dudn't sleep no none at awll lass nite an i get itchy when i no sleep. i dudn't like not sleep'n. an i wanna takes a shower but i dudn't gots no water! i wann water!! i NOT happeee. NOT none at awll!!!! i mad... i very very very very very very MAD!