Feeling Worthless, don't know what to do

My story is too long to get into details, but I'll give you the most recent bits so you have some idea what I'm going through.
In February I lost my job. in April I lost my apartment and very nearly ended up homeless. Moved back in with my mother in Pennsylvania (I was living in upstate NY). By this time I was suicidal, but did not actually attempt. I went to the hospital for help, they put me in the psych unit for a week and gave me a bunch of pills that I didn't need (anyone who's been through this knows how horrible it is).
Since I was discharged, I've been living with my mother (who I don't have a great relationship with). I got a crap job at a warehouse where it's a minute-by-minute not to just walk out. I have zero friends in this state, I'm not close to any of my family so I have literally no support.
They changed my meds 3 times already because first nothing was working, the second drug gave me a bad panicky-manic reaction for 3 days, and I just started taking a new one supplemented with lorazopam.
But over the course of the last 3 days, I've been feeling the familiar feeling of being overwhelmed and just slipping backwards into myself.
I don't care anymore. I have never felt so alone, or so unwanted. I don't have the motivation to even try to look for a better job or to take care of basic bills I need to pay. I missed 2 days of work this week. I just stopped caring completely.
I'm afraid of where I'm headed right now, but a big part of me doesn't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I've tried professional help, I've tried meds. Nobody in my life gives a **** about me. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Aloha Lonely,

I see that no one has responded to your post. Perhaps you should post it under general "depression" thread to get more responses.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with life in general. I know what it's like to see your life disintegrate in short order and not being able to find solutions. Yeah, the job sounds like crap but I encourage you to see that at least the job distracts your mind while you're there and does give you some financial relief. I know it's difficult to see the big picture when you feel so rotten but keep trying.

It sounds like meds don't work well for you (at least the drugs you have tried) I have been on 30+ drugs over many years, some worked for awhile. If you haven't exhausted the medication route, I hope you keep trying.

I also want to at least bring up the possibility of TMS or ECT which are proven methods for treatment resistant depression (not very pleasant, but effective). I guess I just want to point out that there may be some options for you. I didn't respond to any of these options so I am going to try Ketamine next week.

Although you believe no one cares for you (or about you) please realize that it IS the depression that causes us to feel that way. You may have to think hard, but you WILL find evidence that somebody/anybody cares, and if not... I sincerely care how you feel.

What was your most favourite thing to do in NY? Can you recreate it where you are or find people interested in the same thing? Maybe you could find an online forum for stuff locally so you wouldn´t have to leave the house you could just observe what others are doing and when you are having a good day you´ll be able to take the plunge and maybe make some new friends on your wavelength? Hope you are feeling better soon. I have to force myself to look after myself constantly so I know how hard it can be. I really hope your situation improves.

Hello Lonely,
I'm sorry you feel so bad. I could tell you all the stuff about ' if you felt better than this before, you can feel better again' which is of course true, 'try to find something positive in each day, even if it is only that the sun shone, or you saw a flower' (which can also sometimes help us feel better), you probably have heard all that and it makes no sense right now . All I can offer is that I care about how you are right now and sincerely hope that you can find a way forward soon.
Remember you're a human being and as such are worth as much as any one else. That's my opinion and I hold tight to it.
Be kind to yourself if you can.

- The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

I only found this yesterday but it helped. We are all human which means we aren´t perfect. Treat yourself as you would a best friend. The video explains it better than me but I keep re watching this and hoping it sinks in. Hope it helps x

Hi Lonely,

I definitely know the feeling.

You've gone to the professionals, and they haven't helped much from the sound of it. This can be discouraging because if the experts can't help you, you must be in bad shape, right? Actually, the experts often don't have a clue and the meds mostly don't work anyway.

I have a couple of suggestions for you. First, try to understand how your own depression really works. See these notes, for instance:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

Is this happening to you? Whatever it is, it is happening in your own head, after all, and who knows better what's going on in there than you do? If the notes are right, it's very understandable that you should feel bad after a change in your life like what's happened.

Another suggestion is that there are a lot of known things to do to make depression better that are great for your health anyway. There is no down-side to giving these a try:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

I find many of these things to be very helpful myself.

- vital

things will get better. My thoughts are with you

Thanks for that video festidump!