[muchluv]

eating,breathing,sexing all feel like requirements of my biological body I feel no relief enjoyment satisfaction fulfillment in anything I do,i do everything but it just feels like a blan forced necessity of need,taking showers cleaning house,conversations with others just existing is totally undesirable,i don't have any form of satisfying peaceful sleep,sure I sleep, I eat, I have sex, I breathe, but all of it is done with a labor of unwillingness, mixed with dread that doing those things, only leads to more knowing I will have to do those things again, and that everything I do does nothing to help my depression,11 years of torment with this cancerous disease and i go to deeper and deeper levels of insanity thinking that might give some escape to the consequences of reality,i just seems that reality doesn't understand how much I want the suffering to end,death or insanity anything is better than the reality I have

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this suffering. You don't deserve it.

[Fizzyo]

Hi muchluv,

Sorry to hear how hard it is for you to function. I can relate very much with what you say.

I find when things get really bad I "shut down" so the world goes grey and fuzzy and I feel numb and empty.
I agree it is a respite from the pain, but then that gets too much and I want to feel again.
I think sometimes we do these things to survive.

I really hope you get some of the support and understanding you need.
PC can be a very good place to start.

*MEGAHUGS*

We're here for each other.