This is something I would just like to share

I am a total misfit in my own gender. I hate shopping, couldn't care less about clothes + shoes, can't stand to wear make up, don't carry a purse, and like to wear caps because my hair has always been impossible. I'm totally straight, I just don't give a flying figg about girly stuff. I know I bring it on myself for people to ridicule me because I don't even attempt to fit in, but it still hurts my feelings when someone says something negative about my appearance. Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me or go through some of the same things?

hey, that's ok!!

i'm so sorry ppl ridicule you about it, why does it matter to them?

as long as you are happy with what you do, then it shouldn't matter to anyone else. i am a very girly girl, and ppl often say negative things about me being a "princess" and the like. so sometimes i wonder if it's just that ppl need to be cruel.

but i can definitely understand why you would have it harder . at least i "fit" the role i'm meant to play.

i dont really know if i have any advice, i just try to ignore it (although it still hurts). do these comments come only from specific people, or is it a general sort of thing? i'm just trying to figure out if it's only a group (maybe you can avoid them, or maybe confront them), but if it's something like -- the boys waiting at the bus stop also, then it gets a bit more difficult.

i hope someone else can chip in with something more helpful.

i still accept you for who you are. i dont care that you dont fit the girly stereotype. i admire your strength to follow what you're comfortable with and stay true to yourself despite other ppl running you down .

i know this sound so easy for me to say but i wouldn't worry about what others say....maybe it comes with age, amybe it comes with just not giving a rat's patootie, what ever.

i'm short....really short...like wierdly short...and fat...always have been (okay after the age of like 5), and not exactly pretty....okay...and my parents told me from about age...oh 1 that i was the ugliest thing on the planet...so don't even bother with make up...so i never did.

fast forward 50 years ...guess what...i'm still short, still fat (altho i have lost 40 pounds) and still don't have a clue about make up. am i the ugliest thing on the planet? damned if i know? damned if i care. do i know about make up? nope.

my parents were not fashionista's. given their desciption of me do you think they dressed me well? nope. i have zero fashion sense (okay being tall for a garden gnome and fat kind of limits you anyway)...i wear what i like and what feels good...you like hey thats nice, you don't too bad.

boys always laughed at me. girls always laughed at me. grown up laughed at me.

i guess what i'm trying to say is...find YOUR NICHE. BE COMFORTABLE IN IT & EVERYONE ELSE CAN EITHER LIKE IT OR PLAY SOMEPLACE ELSE. my niche is filled with humor, and dogs and fun. i laugh at me, my friends laugh at me and laugh with me.

i don't worry about what others think of me...if they like my clothes, or if i'm pretty enough, or what ever. when i think back as a kid i don't even remember doing that a kid. i just didn't care whether they liked me or not...i guess i figured when you are the ugliest kid on the planet it was a given so you had to be comfortable with yourself...maybe the parents from hell really did be a blessing by being so damn disfunctional.

you like hats? wear hem, i do. sneakers? same thing. shorts? go for it. look...you go thru life once...might as well be comfortable...why wear something you don't like and isn't comfortable just because everyone else is wearing it?

i am single...i vacation by myself all the time...which seems to amaze people...they ask...how can you do that? well life's too short...again if i wait for someone to ask me to go with them i could be dead or 99 (given my active social life...susan boyle has been kissed more than me) by then. so i go.

so...not to worry. be happy. be you. you are young.

stumpy

Hi Stumpy,


A most excellent posting!!!

You hit the nail squarely on its head with that one.
110% correct!!!

It's all about being happy with yourself. If someone is going to judge you solely on what it is you wear or what you look like-- rather than looking at your heart... or respecting and admiring you for your intellect, talents, education, skills, etc, then they're not really worth your time.

I'm the same way. I'm a t-shirt and jeans type of girl, don't do the dresses and girly thing. Don't go tanning or wear lots of make up or anything like that. Guys usually make fun of me for it telling me I'm more manly than them which kind of used to bother me. But I finally found a guy that didn't want me to be like those other girls and it's made me feel a lot better about myself. He always tells me how he likes that I like video games and sports and sitting around drinking beer with him. If they ever make comments to you just ask them why they're so concerned in the first place. Obviously they're projecting something on you that they don't like about themselves so just let it go. And maybe come up with a witty comment to kind of back hand them a little bit haha (that's what I do)

Like when 2 guys I work with were saying how I shouldn't have cut my hair and that they think long hair looks sexy on girls I said "well good thing I don't want to bang either of you" and they shut up lol

I'm the same way (except for the hats). I haven't put on make-up since my teen years. I started going grey at 13 and now I'm more than 50% grey and I don't dye my hair. Once in a blue moon one of my kids will comment and I reply "I've earned every single grey hair on my head, and you've given me half so it's staying." I absolutely HATE shopping. When I find a pair of shoes that are comfortable I literally wear them out. But I'm comfortable in my own skin.

You'll never please everyone so why bother? As long as you're comfortable with yourself don't give it another thought.

I dont think you're a misfit..... just a tomboy and thats OK

Well, thankfully I found a guy who didn't like makeup and doesn't care what I wear out, as long as it's not stained or has holes ect. Yes, he does like it when I wear a dress everynow and then, but it doesn't matter much. It has helped since I have tried fitting in a little better. The fact of the matter is you shouldn't care what people think about how you look, however some of us do so I'm going to list off things that I did.

1. I let my 'fashion forward' friend go through my closet and pick out everything she wouldn't want me to wear out with her (90% of wardrobe)and give them to goodwill (I kept some things for sentimental reasons and some for around the house wear). Than we went shopping at the mall and only shopped the 60% off clearance racks. I picked out a few things but she picked out the majority. We looked for clothes to replace the ones we took out. I tried on anything she brought to the dressing room and than bought the faves and staples of a 'good' wardrobe. (We ended up with over $400 dollars worth of clothes for $130. I know that's still expensive but it would be easy to go less drastic. Seriously, we replaced 90% of my clothes). I also feel so much better going out now because I can just grab something and not think about what people will think cause I already know her opinion on it.

2. I got an easy to take care of hair cut. I finally took the leap of chopping my thin long brown hair off. I like it. If you're worried how a new cut will look, ask your friends what they think. Go online and find somewhere you can input a pic and try out different looks. (Mary Kay currently has the option to change hair and make up).

3. I also had help on Make Up. My friend taught me the basics of eyeshadow. I also wear lip gloss and use foundation only for special occasions. Just using skin care can definitely help.

I feel much more confident going out now. I'm still by no means girly girly, still don't do more than wash and brush my hair and if I do make-up it's less than 5 minutes.

In a perfect world we wouldn't care what other's think of our outward appearance, however, these are some things you could try if you want to fit in better.

I rejected girly things for years.
Then I ended up with a therapist who feels comfortable in what she wears--feminine clothes--skirts, tops, shoes, jewelry, but no make up. As I connected with her my feelings around my gender softened and my feelings around not fitting in and therefore rejecting feminine clothes softened too.
I found myself looking at different clothes when I shopped. Just looked for a long time. Now I have added some feminine clothes that I feel comfortable in. (At first I bought things that made me think of my therapist.)

Maybe there is some middle ground for you so you can feel better?