[Typo]

I am a tad embarrassed to post this subject, I'm never shy about it till it comes to me and mine. Hence why I put it here and not in the other forum.

I feel a lot of guilt sometimes about my sexuality, I struggle with it on occasions, I know it's natural and nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed of, it's part of human nature.

I can't seem to always shake these feelings of shame or guilt sometimes.

It sometimes gets me in a bit of a depression funk, and causes me a bit of personal distress.

Has anyone else had problems with this? If so how did you overcome it?

ermm throughly embarssed now, I'm going to try to leave this post up....

I was tempted to quote you forcing you to keep it up ! But I am nice so I didnt lmao....

Anyways....

I was brought up in a christian household and even though my mum tried her best to not be shy about sex it didnt work and she put it on me. I still have trouble walking around naked in front of hubby let alone go swimming and its not cos I am overweight (which I am) cos I was the same when slim (many moons ago)

So I really know where you are coming from and both you and I need to 'liberate' ourselves ! As there is no shame in either sex or sexuality or any parts of our bodies to be honest with you .....

[theotterone]

{{{{Sparrow}}}}

Your profile doesn't show your age (and I'm not asking, really) but think about how you were raised. Both my parents came from very conservitive backrounds. When the issue of gay marriage (not saying you are, you didn't specify, but it's the sexuality this story relates to) started hitting the main stream media headlines, we had an annual family gathering with my mom's family. Listening to her family (both immediate, but not us, and her extended) I couldn't believe the misconceptions and hateful things they said. (They lean far right) I asked my dad (both my parents are baby boomers, born in 1944 and 1948) why when they both came from conservitive families, were we so moderate and accepting compared to what I was hearing? His answer:

"All their life they were taught what to think, we taught you HOW to think!"

You may need to change to how to think for yourself, not WHAT to think. I have gay, straight, differing race, age, economic and school backround friends. My parents had taught me to get to know the person, not the cover (cliche, I know and am full of them today). Am I guilty of making snap judgements on people? Sure, I'm human (Uh oh! I better email the home planet and let them know that! ) But I try to be as accepting as my parents taught me to be.

No matter who or "what" you are, you are worth loving and caring for! Hey! I'm blonde, suffered from clinical depression, anxiety disorder and ADHD. I am overweight and talkitive and overeager. My coworkers tease me constantly about being talkative, but that is who I am at the core. The hardest thing I have had to do is love myself, but you can get there!

[Typo]

Thank you Tishie and Otter.

I wasn't raised in a conservative home, I was never taught there is shame in sex or sexuality, and was educated and told to never feel shame for it.

I'm not a hundered percent sure were this guilt and shame comes from, I wonder if it comes from the abuse I suffered as a child...

lol as for age I'm 19 going on 20,

I think I need to change my way of thinking of myself, I am very self concious and always very anxious..

lol I want to make this reply longer, but I have to run to the store, I'll be sure to look back later and add more

Peace to all and much thanks
Sparrow

[theotterone]

Originally Posted by Silversparrow

Thank you Tishie and Otter.

I wasn't raised in a conservative home, I was never taught there is shame in sex or sexuality, and was educated and told to never feel shame for it.

I'm not a hundered percent sure were this guilt and shame comes from, I wonder if it comes from the abuse I suffered as a child...

lol as for age I'm 19 going on 20,

I think I need to change my way of thinking of myself, I am very self concious and always very anxious..

lol I want to make this reply longer, but I have to run to the store, I'll be sure to look back later and add more

Peace to all and much thanks
Sparrow

Honey, society as a whole tends to attack what it doesn't understand. With everything in the press lately, it's no wonder you feel guilt. You are what you are biologically wired to be. Why do you think those with mental illness are still sterotyped? Love is love, no matter which gender a person prefers. Just know that YOU are ok, and I think so too!

[Typo]

ty otter

I think another major thing is, the conflicting things I"ve been taught, I grew up and still live in the bible belt of the sourth, where you are taught to reamin chaste until marriage, and that you should only enjoy sex or other sexual activities until then.

even though my upbringing in my home was diffrent, that you don't have to wait, and to practice safe sex and make good decsions, that sexuality isn't wrong, it's just our nature, somce people are more sexual than others,

Being I grew up with those constnat conflicting messages, and I was sexually abused as a child, sometimes I feel really bad for being a sexual person, I Feel guilt and shame for enjoying something I've been taught I shouldn't and that has been used to harm me in the past, I'm a very sexual person, and I feel shame for it, for no reason it's just how I"m wiried, and even while I tell myself thaht, and I've worked thru a lot of the guilt attached to it, I sitll get these litlte twinges of gilt that tail spin me into depression for a day or a few weeks.

I've never had sex, I'm still a virgin, so I worry when I decide to make that decsion to have actual intercourse, my guilt will increase, and send me int a major depressive epsidoe, I can't quite figuure out how to shake the guilt and shame, I Feel bad for enjoying myself, sometime and most times I can shake it off and the dpression only last a few hours to a a full day.

I hate feeling this way though, it aggrivates me and upsets me, I feel I should be able to enjoy myself, but I don't know quite how to ditch the guilt involved in my brain.

[Maven]

I won't get into all I believe right now, but I grew up with conflicting messages (not just the familial teachings vs. the societal teachings, but conflicts from what my parents taught me but at the same time allowed). My parents weren't especially religious; we didn't go to church (except for a few times over my childhood), but they did consider themselves Christian (I think) and taught me to believe in that, more or less. I was given the message that sex should be after you got married, but I later decided that wasn't necessary, in my beliefs. Yet, they didn't do anything to stop me from seeing some softcore porn movies (like those that would air late-night on the defunct Prism network, and you sometimes see on the premium channels these days, like Showtime and HBO). My mom had my sister-in-law buy me Playgirl when a favorite celebrity was in it, and then I found they'd sell it to me (at 15), myself, so I bought it myself. I got the message that sex was dirty and filthy from my parents, and they'd make me feel ashamed, but at the same time, I read a lot of books about sex (not just "adult" material, but sex-positive health books, like those by Dr. Ruth--who was just on The Doctors yesterday! Love her!), and came to understand how sex can be healthy and isn't a bad thing, although those conflicts still reside in me. I recognize one is false (the "sex is dirty and shameful" message) and one is normal and healthy.

[theotterone]

My mom was furious with her brother, who would not even acknowledge me or my oldest since she was born "out of wedlock" (I am married to both my daughter's father, and we have been together nearly 13 years now). My parent's were happy I wasn't 16 when I had my oldest. Some girls can handle it, some can't. I would have been one that couldn't. So I get the dual message thingy

[salukigirl]

When I was 7 my sister got pregnant (she was 17 and a senior in high school) and had her, my niece, and, even though she considered giving her up for adoption, i'm so glad she didn't because she is the most amazing 14 year old I have ever met.

Anyways, when I was 15, my dad told me that he didn't want me to get into the same situation. My sister was a single mom while getting her degree.....needless to say it was very difficult on everyone. So he told me that he knew I would have sex whether he condoned it or not so if I wanted to to come to him and he would take me to the obgyn to be safe. So when I was 15 I told him that I wanted to go and get checked out and get birth control. Well, he suddenly changed his tune and I had to take myself to the obgyn and get my own birth control.

My point is, what people say and what they often contradict each other. So even though your parents might have said they were open and honest and accepting, the actions they did might have contradicted it. Whether that's them not acting loving towards one another, you or anything else. My parents never showed each other affection and got divorced when i was 6 so my perception of relationships and sex is very skewed. My mother has been overweight my whole life so she was very secretive of her body and very insecure. So, even though I am not overweight, I learned to be insecure about it.

So if your parents, or other influential people in your life, showed you actions that looked like insecurity or shame, it could cause you to feel the same.

The best thing about your post is that you realize it. You see that there is nothing to be ashamed about no matter what your preference is, but you have these feelings. Sometimes the hardest part is realizing what the problem is. once you see that these feelings/emotions are completely normal, it is easier to deal with. So please know that we are not here to judge you, only here to help.

[(JD)]

Silversparrow, from what you share it sounds like you do have some deep seated reasons to have reservations. I think before you marry (or even go looking for someone, so you choose the right one) you need to work through all this in therapy. It's a good reason for therapy, and will result in good self esteem and also in knowing how to choose a good match for you, rather than someone who will recognize your weaknesses and play upon them.