[lisasays]

I got attacked last year and cant bring myself to get checked out.i know its disgusting i havent.iv got to the clinic before but not thru the door.id ask my doctor for a sedative but as ive had addiction issues with diazepam im very doubtful they would(maybe this is me giving myself excuses).i want desperately to get this done.noone knows about what happend except the police,i thot my gp did but maybe not.i pussyd out of the trial too(the procurator pressed charges on my behalf,i never wanted it) still got 12years.why am i so pathetic.i know what i need to do.why cant i do it.ive been b4(b4 all this).i hate myself.and now ive left it so long theres that shame too.im hoping writing this makes me face up to what i need to do.sorry 4 grammar etc im on my mobile.has any1 left things too long?what helped u?im embarassed.i know i need to just go.i wish i was someone else so i could drag this body there.i hate myself 4 this.whats my plan of action?clinic or gp?god either,just go.my heads screaming it at me but i jus

[lisasays]

Just want to disappear. I find going out hard in general,shop,anywhere.if i hardly manage to buy food how do i do this. Thanks 4 ur time, apologies 4 ramble

[Lost71]

hi lisasays

Sorry if this is not much help but maybe you could call a confidential helpline first and they can help, advise, put your mind at ease? You really shouldn't go through this alone, hun!

Peace and Hugs to you,
Julia
xox

[deliquesce]

you're brave for posting here, darling .

i've never got one done, even though i should have by now. i never had one done before the attack, and then i got too scared about after.

asking your dr for a sedative is a good idea, if you think it will help you through. i dont have addiction issues, but my dr only prescribes me 7 at a time so he can monitor how much i'm taking. i think he's scared that i'd try to overdose. so maybe you could ask your dr to only authorise you for 2 or 3. sometimes drs even have some samples, and that way you wouldn't get more than you need.

i dont think you have anything to feel shame about. a lot of women go through the same stuff after an attack. a lot of women (like me!) even are too scared to go when they've never been hurt. so there is nothing wrong with you.

i like lost's idea of calling a helpline. in australia, we have a rape crisis centre and they do phone counselling but you can also go to their premises and they will do the medical tests for you. they provide counsellors before and after the procedure, because they know it can be scary. maybe there is something similar for you in scotland?

im concerned that you're seeming to shut yourself away from the outside world and are scared to do the every day things. were you ever offered counselling to get through what happened to you? i would encourage you to seek out a therapist if you could, because i dont want it to get to the point where you're too scared to leave your house, yknow? you deserve a better quality of life than that .

[lisasays]

Thankyou for your replies.still not got to a pc,so not able to write all what i want but i really appreciate what u guys wrote.
They have a crisis line here,they offer counselling too.im on the waiting list,it was 12weeks but has gone up.ive been on it since april.i phoned a few weeks ago to find out wat was goin on and told its now longer.i think i will fone back and ask them,as suggested.when i phoned b4 it was a man that answered and that threw me a bit.i will fone again,is at least a first port of call.the past few weeks ive been feeling a bit stronger,i mite make a gp appt.am i wrong to think its bad that im dragged thru this court thing all year and offered no support.i want to ask someone about it.i wish id testified,i now think it was mayb important 4 me to do.he kept changing lawyer so went on 4 8months or so.i only chickend out the last tym it went to trial,and that time it was heard in full and a verdict given.hes appealing,but just the sentence.maybe i cant afford to regret this.

[lisasays]

I dont know how to ensure i keep this burried.

[Lost71]

[quote=lisasays;1129307]am i wrong to think its bad that im dragged thru this court thing all year and offered no support.[quote]

No, you're not wrong to think that, hun. You should have been offered some support from a victim support worker or a court witness protection officer.

I'm glad to know you've already called the crisis line. Sorry to hear their counselling service takes so long though. Maybe you could go see a female GP? And maybe she can access counselling for you quicker too?

Hugs to you, hun, hang in there and do keep posting here on PC if it helps.

Peace and Hugs,
Julia
xox

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

I know how you are feeling as I went through this about three years ago and going out of my house into the public eye was hard - but no matter how hard it got I promised myself that I would always leave the comfort and safety of my home to see my T and to go to my GP.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

[lisasays]

I just thought I'd update that I went and it wasn't that bad! She let me do it myself, I'd encourage anyone who struggles with the concept to ask about doing it yourself, it seemed the standard procedure at my GPs (it's not at a GUM clinic). But anyway, glad it's over and done with!

[Hunny]

Well done!





h

[Rmdctc]

I am glad you were able to go!