should i be afraid if he hits his mother?

My boyfriend has anger issues and often loses control of his temper. He always is yelling about something that made him angry. I can deal with that, and even get him to calm down everytime. The thing that worries me is he hits his mother when she makes him angry enough. I'm worried that if one day we get in an argument, he'll hit me. I don't think he will mean to hit me, but he will do it because he is so used to hitting the person that makes him upset. Should I leave him to keep myself safe?

Yes! That woman gave him life and he hits her. It will turn to you. Don't just leave run! I have dealt with this. No matter what he promises it'll happen.

Hell, yes, he will hit you if he hits his own mother. Why would you think otherwise? Stay safe.

Yes, you should be worried - if a man will hit his mother he will not think twice about hitting another female (wife & child included).

It has always been said... If you want to see how your man will treat you watch how he treats his mother.

Yes! If his mother is elderly you can report it to elder protective agencies (assuming you are in the US) and they will take action to protect her, if you feel comfortable.

He is out of control! RUN!

I would most definitely say YES - he will hit you if he hits his mother. Please be safe and break it off with this guy, he sounds like trouble.

If he will hit the woman that gave him life, he will have no problem rasing his hand to you, this man sounds VERY unhealthy and dangerous. And if y'all were to have children together he would probably harm them as well

This man sounds out of control and unhealthy, you NEED to take care of you, you need to end this realtionship and get away from him, don't put yourself in the postion to continue a dangerous relationship. Googley made a good point as well, if he is hitting his mother and she is elderly you need to report it, Abuse is abuse, violence is never called for in an argument.

Run, get out, end it, keep yourself safe, this has red flags raised all over it in his actions, don't put yourself in the postion to be harmed. I've witnessed domestic violence, it's not pretty, it's not something you want to be a part of or ever have to deal with, and this man is going to make that scenario happen

GET OUT NOW!

It is common for an abuser to blame someone else for "making them angry" rather than accepting responsiblity for themselves. That is BS.

Angie,

It seems that you are starting to recognise his behaviour and acknowledge some harsh realities.

I am so sorry he is so unhealthy!

In your heart of hearts - do YOU think its OK for him to hit his mother?

Would you think its OK if your child hit you? would you want your kids to have him as a role model?

And as for your question - yes. He will end up hitting you. His anger is already abusive anger. It already affects you. Please be safe and start taking steps to protect yourself and your kids.

I hug you honey xxx

Get out now! How a man treats his mother can be a very good sign of how he will treat you. And even abusive men usually dont hit their own mothers! Do yourself a favor and cut this one off as soon as you possibly can.

This man needs some serious anger management. It's possible his mother abused him when he was a child and he's taking it out on her now, so I'm not going to give her so much credit for his life. Some women do bring children in this world that they do not care much about, want, love, or respect. Some women even m****r their own children. So just because it's his mother, the woman that brought him into this world, she may not deserve respect. Even so child abuse doesn't give anyone an excuse to abuse the abuser or other. The man is still unsafe to be in a relationship with until he gets some serious professional help. Yes, it is more than likely he would end up abusing you as well. He has problems expressing his anger appropriately and he is already abusive. Abusers are like addicts, they're addicted to hurting others, and they're very difficult to treat, since they're reluctent to admit their faults and they don't want to stop. I don't think that you should be with a man like this. It's not safe, he's unhealthy.

I doubt that his mother abused him when he was little or he would probably be terrified of her no matter what age. And if she was abusive like that, she probably wouldnt take his crap. My ex who was abusive to me had an abusive mom who left him and his dad without warning and he was absolutely terrified of her. He never raised a hand to his mom or dad or step-mom but man he would go nuts on me. Most of the time, when people are abused by parents all they can think about is getting their approval and wanting love from them.

Abusing a parent is not even close to abusing a significant other. Those things are so far apart. For someone to be able to physically hurt their parents with no remorse.....thats a sociopath right there. No matter how much hurt my dad has done to me over the years, there is no way I could ever do anything to hurt him.

And because HE is an abuser does not mean that his mom deserves no respect. Some people have seemingly a perfect childhood and turn out to be abusers later on. I wouldnt make any assumptions about his mother other than the fact that she cant defend herself against her kid. Who knows...she might have been the mom that let him get away with everything because SHE got abused as a child. There are too many scenarios and assumptions to go through but either way....I doubt you even want to stick around to find out.

Salukigirl, you make good points and you are right. I'm afraid of my abusive father, but once I did stand up to him and push him away, because he tried to take my son from my arms. He is 5'11" and over 300lbs. I'm only 5'4" and 120lbs. It's amazing the strength that can come over you when you need to. This is nothing like that though. I was just protecting my son.

My bipolar friend used to get into terrible physical fights with her mother, her mother fought just as hard as she did.

My husband was also abused by his parents, he began to fight back when he became a teenager. He was protecting himself.

I suppose these people were fighting back, the parents were hitting them as well, and OP didn't say the mother was fighting back at all. But everyone is different with their feelings and how they would react to their abuser. I don't care about approval or love from my father. I'm done with him. But I wish I had the guts to physically hurt him.

It is possible she was a great mother, but it is possible she wasn't. I'm not trying to advocate the abusive man's parent abuse. I'm just saying she might not deserve so much credit for bringing him into the world, because she may not have been the best mother. He may have got this way on his own, because of others, or he might have gotten this way from his mom. Your point are most likely right, but there is other possiblities. You are right though. She shouldn't stay to find out.

As a general rule I wouldn’t trust anyone that strikes another person in anger. Beyond the age of 3, a person learns that throwing fits and hitting someone because you’re angry isn’t effective.

But hitting your own mother because you’re angry, well that’s just unspeakable.

Leave him now! Even if you love him, i PROMISE YOU it hurts less if you do it really quickly. The more time you keep this up, the more you'll be attached to him and it will be HARDER to leave him later.
Just go. Take a breath and go.

Hugs!

I remember the first time I saw my boyfriend hit his mother. It made me sick. As much as I hated that woman and as horrible of a mother she was, I was still traumatized when he did it.
If he will hit his own mother he clearly has issues with WOMEN in general because of the way his mother brought him up.
My boyfriend used to hit me as well. Any man who does not respect their mother, does not respect women.
My new boyfriend is very respectful towards his mother and has never touched me.

*Trigger Warning* Do not read any further if you are triggered by domestic violence.

Hi angie1979, first of all, I'm really sorry you are in this situation with your boyfriend. That being said, I think you should be afraid of the possibility of your boyfriend hitting you if he hits his mother. He has some serious anger issues and probably a whole lot more. Take it from me, a mother that has been hit, punched, kicked, pushed down the stairs by her own son. He is 22 now and has been physically absusive since he was 9 or 10. My biggest fear is that he will hurt one of his girlfriends. First of all, his father and I have never abused him, so that is not the reason for his past behavior. He does have some serious mental health issues that he refuses to get treatment for. We tried numerous times to get him into different treatment programs. Everyone failed because he would not talk to anyone. We had a few different therapists come to our house from a few different mental health programs. He refused to even talk to either of them. Both were women. First one he scratched her car with a rock, we had to pay for the new paint job. Second he threatened to slit her throat if she didn't leave him alone. He's been in and out of treatment programs without much success. He's had a few serious relationships which ended badly. Neither of his last two girlfriends would put up with his $hit. I don't know if he's ever hit either of his last girlfriends but I have seen him try to prevent one from leaving our house by blocking her way out in which case i've gotten involved and threatened by him to stay out of it. Now he has a new girlfriend. While she was at my house my son threatened to "punch me and hurt me real bad" if I didn't shut up along with calling me a few choice names. I said to her, "see how he treats his own mother? He will treat you the same way eventually." Out of nowhere he started to treat her like garbage and she doesn't understand why. They have argued at my house and he's acted very mean twards her for no reason and she once again doesn't understand why. We've told her to get away from him and stay away from him before he hurts her and offered to take her home. She refuses to stay away. I don't understand. She's a very sweet girl. I honestly don't see what these girls find in him. He hasn't hit her yet that I'm aware of but he has taken her cell phone from her and wouldn't give it back. She's told my husband she's never experienced anything like this in her life. (she's young) I've told her he has some serious problems and if she was smart she would stay away. She won't listen. I'm afraid he will eventually hurt her.

I'm sorry if it seems I highjacked your thread angie but I wanted you to know there is probably alot more going on with your boyfriend than you know and I think it would be in your best interest to get out while you have the chance before he does something to you. As for rambling, I'm also sorry for saying all I've said but I've been needing to get this off my chest. I hope I didn't upset anyone.

Be well and take care,
bl

Domestic violence hits hard and affects everyone in the family. I wish you all safe healing and fulfilling future. I wish as a society we will be better able to educate our kids about this and protect them. I wish Angie, for you to be safe and away from his anger and negitivity. If I could do it - so can you!!

I agree with all the other posters - if he hits the woman who gave him life he will hit you too, when he becomes angry with you. Don't fool yourself into thinking you have a special ability with him - one day he'll be angry with you and you won't be able to calm him down. Run and never look back!!!!!!!!

How are you doing Angie? I know it is not easy, but have you come to a decision? Please check in with us.

Get out of that situation "quick, fast, and in a hurry." It's not up to you to try and figure out what the problem is. He needs professional help. If he hits mom he will hit anybody. Run, Run, Run............................

Please....leave now.....my ex husband did the same.....you are in danger...if you leave do not tell him you are leaving.....do it at a time when he is not there....this is when the violence can really be bad....if he knows you are leaving. I went through beatings for 8 years before I finally had the sense to go....it will not change.....it will get worse.....dont stay around to find out.....the effects of abuse on you will last for life......he may say he would never hit you.....he may say he will get help.....but if he hit his own mother....there are deeper issues.....hurry....go!!!!

Omg if he is willing to hit his own mother I am positive he will hit you.....

Please get out of this relationship asap....

Angie,

I have read through the post & all the replies & think that there is only one point that hasn't been touched on based on your comment:
[QUOTE]He always is yelling about something that made him angry. I can deal with that, and even get him to calm down everytime. /QUOTE]
Many times women think that they can fix the problem especially if at first they feel like they have had some success. The problem is that at first, you end up with some success because they are trying hard to impress at least enough to get you to feel safe enough with them.....just enough to get your feelings trapped & hooked.....but after they feel like they have you where they want you, then they treat you the same as they treat their mother or any other long list of women I am sure they have had in their lives.

Like everyone else has said.....get out now. You realize there is a problem......don't feel like you can fix it & get into that feeling that" You are the ONE THAT CAN MAKE THEM DIFFERENT". It won't happen. As everyone else has said, he will treat you in the same bad way that he treats his mother.

Actually I know in California, you can call adult protective services (APS). It isn't limited to the elderly....it applies to any adult that is being abused by someone no matter what their age.

Like a the others have said....get out now before the relationship goes any farther or ends up being horribly dangerous for you to get out of.

I am sure that everyone is interested in how it's going with you....please let us know as we care & don't want to see you harmed in any way.