don't have the nerve

I have never been to a gynacologist....this is bad I know, I'm 31 and never had a pap test or anything.

I have only been active sexually in the past couple of years and only with 1 partner. She's clean and I'm assuming so am I.

I just can't go, I can't bear the thought of anyone being down there. Part of it's to do with the scars...I self harmed on my thighs a lot when I was younger and I am ashamed to have anyone see that. I don't know how to get over the fear...I have nightmares about it. I know I should go and get checked but......I'm starting to panic just thinking about it.

Do you have a problem now that you have to go, or are you just feeling that it is time? I would ask a friend or someone if they have a Dr then I would look online about the Dr. and find out as much as you can about this Dr.or Dr's
Then I would just make a visit to the Dr's office..see what it looks like,( maybe take a good friend) maybe talk to a couple patients in the waiting room...Observe the staff..Are they friendly? Does the office have a "feel good' feeling...I think of positive Karma.....Maybe with a little luck you will be able to see the Dr. in passing....
I would do this with a couple Dr's you find until you feel comfortable..at least half way comfortable. Then if you feel you can make an appointment, call but also express your concern on the phone . Then for the appt. definately take someone with you for support!!!!
When you see the Dr. just be honest why you are afraid and explain. I have had some great Dr's in the past. I know you will find one that you feel safe with.
Thinking of you;

Does your partner have one she goes to? My friend called and made an appointment for me at hers and then went to the appointment with me and sat in the waiting room to be there for me afterwards.

Well, I went when I was 18 - 7 years ago. I was not yet sexually active.
Now I think it's time I go, just generally for a checkup, and I am also nervous. I think I will ask a friend for a recommendation.
I don't even know if I'd be more comfortable with a male or female doctor...? And I'm also not sure what really to expect (The first time was hardly a proper check)

So I can totally relate to your anxiety

I did go to a lovely Women's Health Clinic once to get some moles checked out as well as some sex advice - the woman I saw was so lovely and I explained to her how hard it was to show my body. She asked if I'd feel ready for a pap test but not to feel pressured. I couldn't do it that day. I wish I could go back there but it's 2 hours by train and a 30 minute walk from the station!

I'm in a new area and don't know anyone here....it's been hard enough finding a new gp!

Just the thought of having someone look at me still makes me anxious as hell. I don't think I could have a man look at me..... And no, my partner hasn't got a doctor either.

Can you call the clinic you liked and ask if they can suggest anyone in your area?

Or even though it will be a major trip to get there and back, can you go to that original clinic anyway? Maybe figure out a treat for yourself as a reward, a nice lunch out or something.

Can you and your partner help each other with this, go to each others appointments and provide support?

It's not just the STDs but cervical cancer, breast cancer etc... There are so many other reasons to go to an OBGYN. Even things like HPV...while they may not show symptoms in everyone (since there are a bajillion strains) it can still cause serious problems. I strongly urge you to go. Women fought so hard for equal rights to health care and you should take advantage of it. It's for your, and your partner's, health.

One thing I did when I was looking for a doctor was to make an appointment to interview the doctor before I "hired" her. I felt it was really a job interview I was conducting about who I would choose to be my health care practitioner. I went in with a written list of questions. Maybe you could try this and know that your 1st appointment wouldn't be an exam and once you found someone you would feel more comfortable.

Interview is a great idea. And also tell them, or write what you revealed to us here. Your apprehension about feeling shame because of your scars is something you should honor, but understand that to most people those are battle scars from a war with inner torments. You deserve our compassion and admiration, and you got it.