Hypothetically beautiful

Hello everyone. Let's say, hypothetically, there's this girl who's beautiful. She knows she's beautiful. She admits it as a fact. She also knows that admitting this aloud would label her a narcissist and anyone overhearing this label her a narcissist, ridicule her by calling her and egocentric little ***** and she should just go paint her nails instead of saying anything again.

Now this probably wouldn't be a problem, except she's the kind of person who's greatest fear is not to be believed when she's telling the truth. Being brushed off when she finally plucks up the courage to reach out. And then there's her other fear of unwanted attention.

When she was young, she was very interested in body language. After reading all those books, the only thing she was proficient in was knowing when someone is watching her. This, she learned for the sake of vanity. After a while, she noticed plenty of boys always had their attention to her, in fact, the whole classroom is watching her. She felt flattered of course, and felt more confident. Along with this knowledge, she naturally learned how read boy when they like her. Every time they brush their hands over her desk, the covert way of hiding their faces over clasped hands as they sneak peaks at you, and the way they would circle your table around in this over-energetic jaunt.

However, as I said earlier, she wasn't built for this kind of attention. Pretty soon, she would learn to be frightened. When someone likes someone, they would subconsciously reached out for that person. It a hard experience to describe to people who hasn't been in these situations, but always, it would feel intrusive. Even if you flat-out tell them you don't feel attracted to them that way, they would always telegraph, in that secret language of bodies, those unwanted advances.

Eventually, she learned to hate them. She especially hated the ones who went out of their way to "accidentally" touch her. Those people, she would send her most withering glare, knowing that it would embarrass them enough not to do it again. She became cold boys, and never had a boy friend for years. She was labeled a snob, but in truth was, she was just very, very afraid.

There were times when she just felt mind-raped every minute of the say. She even got in trouble with the counselor, with two boys. Except what can she say to them? She left without anything being resolve, feeling like a fool, feeling like she can't prove anything. The only thing she manage to say was that "they stared too much." What was the worst part? She just felt very, very, very dirty. It was all her fault!

What would you advise this girl, and what would you do in this situation?

I would tell her that she's going to have to learn to be oblivious to other peoples' stares, ogling, looking and just go on with her business. There isn't much else she can do. There are always going to be ignorant people who stare, and those idiots who get so close so that they can brush up against her ~ she will have to try to avoid those situations the best she can.

I've been made to feel "dirty" in my younger years as I had a good figure, and men seemed to love my legs. I HATED being ogled but I learned to just ignore them and go on about my business. I stopped feeling "dirty" as I realized that only *I* can make myself feel these things -- no one else can. Regardless of what they do, only *I* can make myself feel good, bad, dirty, etc. Once I realized that, I stopped making myself feel so horrible - afterall, I didn't DO anything.

She's been "cursed" with good looks ~ we should ALL be so cursed. LOL But it can be a hassle. In later years, she'll learn that it's an asset. God bless. Hugs, Lee

we often compensate for our self loathing with narcissistic defenses. but we have trouble discerning if we are being conceited or truthful about ourselves. here's a test--does this woman know who she sees in the mirror, or is that woman a stranger to her? we have to know and accept the woman in the mirror first, before we can make any sense at all of others' responses to us.