help before its too late

i have lost touch with reality and have completely isolated myself. no family or close friends. long documented history of mental illness starting with a prolonged and premature birth resulting in an emergency use of forcepts to get me out or my mom and me would have died. which i think is the cause of my disability. i always wanted to fit in but due to early signs of illness i could not. i was in mental health secure treatment more than once having police drag me in kicking and screaming. but failed to get help or proper diagnosis because i was not honest and lied to get discharged. i ran away from all treatment and offers of treatment until i was 18 and could legally move out of province and i did. i was prescribed an anti-pyscotic risperadal and took the medication for a year then discontinued and self medicated with anything that put me in a different mind set than my own. i know its not drugs i have had periods sober and cannot function my thoughts scare me and i need to get out of my head or i am told to kill myself or harm others and people put thoughts in my head

(((lil_one))).
Are you open to any kinds therapy to maybe find ways to cope with your feelings and thoughts?
How were things when you were taking the anti-psychotic?

I would strongly recommend you get a pdoc and a t asap. It's OK to have the feelings you are having and you get to decide whether or not to take meds and how to approach your treatment. You sound like you feel overwhelmed and that's usually a sign that it's time to ask for help. Just remember YOU are the one in control of what happens, you can choose your doctor and your therapist and you can be as involved as possible in your treatment plan. It took me 10 years to finally get help and I am SO glad I did. I have noticed so much improvement since starting meds and working in therapy.

Like the others said, get help as soon as you can. Go to a hospital if you don't know where to go. Things can get better you have to make the decision to make that first step. Good luck to you.

You might also want to visit the psychotherapy forum -it moves quickly and you might be able to get an idea of what sort of treatment you would like/want/work for u

how are you doing? its not hopeless - there is hope -= you can get better - you need help - please talk to a dr or therapist and see what can be done for you - come back and tell us how you are going too - if the respiradol was working how about going back on it?

P7