[shezbut]

and it's a shameful secret I've held onto tightly, so please be careful in any response you give. Thank you.....................................
..................................................................................

Well, I never connected with my parents emotionally. My sister (my dad's daughter) is 4 years older than I am, my mom hated her & so there was always a lot of chaos in the house. Especially between my sister and brother (my mom's son). I was the youngest and always tried to be the peacemaker ~ tried to make other's happy.

I got my first period when I was 13 years old, and I was completely unprepared. My sister was in jail. My mom just handed me a few OB tampons and some pantiliners, but didn't tell me how to work with them. Anyone who knows OB tampons knows that these things are tiny, without applicators, and they don't give thorough instructions on use. I finally stuck one up there, but didn't know anything about that area at all.

A few hours went by at school, and I went into the bathroom to change it. I couldn't get it out! I had no friends. Didn't trust anyone, and my mom never asked how it went. Anyway, I kept that tampon inside of me because I didn't know how to get it out. I'm sure that you can imagine what a horrible month that was for me! When I got my period, the next month, I finally had the will to push it out. Finally!! I was at one of the snootiest schools back in the early 80's ~ "You know, like, "the 80's" at the very place where it all happened?" It was HELL!!!

How can I let go of the intense shame and disgust with myself attached to this memory?? It's horrible!

[bebop]

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of hon. you weren't taught the proper way to use them. that is not your fault. try to forgive yourself.

[WantingtoHeal]

Oh Shezbut, that is so sad. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of. Your mother should be ashamed for not telling and instructing you on what to do. that is just plain awful. Someone should have instructed and shown or told you how to do those things. We aren't just born knowing how to do it. You have nothing to feel disgusted about or ashamed about. An adult should have guided you, no doubt about it. Shame on them.

[missbelle]

That is definately no shameful secret...just a young teen that was trying to cope at the time......!! Sorry you had so little info!!

[JLarissaDragon]

I am so sorry this happened to you. You do not have to be ashamed. You were a child and definitely you deserved to have somebody guide you on how these things work. Given situation, rather I think you have reason to be proud that you got through it all. This is a tough time in life anyway for all girls

[with or without you]

You have nothing to be ashamed of, I have heard of this happening to a lot of adult women (stuck tampons).

[Switch]

You have nothing to be ashamed of at all Shez! I'm really sorry you had to go through that, but try and forgive yourself now, because it wasn't your fault. Your mom shouldn't have treated you like that.

If it's any conciliation, I spent 8 hours in the ER while a friend had her tampon surgically removed. Stuck tampons happen to everyone, I just wish it hadn't happened to you on your first time.

I'm also really glad you didn't get blood poisoning or anything!

[splitimage]

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of shezbut. Your Mom was wrong. She should have explained / shown you what to do. Nobody is born knowing these things, and no one should be expected to figure it out for themselves. You weren't treated right.

You should be proud of yourself for managing ok.

splitimage

[googley]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You should have been taught how to use these supplies. I also wasn't taught about how to deal with my period (there were just supplies in the cabinet). I think a number of us were never taught how to use feminine supplies. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Others failed us. We did not fail. We survived.

[TerryL]

Hi Shezbut--I agree with everybody's posts--you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Your mom should have been more there for you and guided you on how to use the tampon. I'm glad you posted about this though. Hopefully it has been freeing for you. (and I am glad you didn't end up with toxic shock syndrome)

[mortimer]

I think you need to step back and think about it like this:

Replace you as a child in this situation with a different little girl. This little girl didn't know what to do, had no instructions, was confused about this new thing happening to her body, and was probably pretty darn scared about all this stuff going on and not knowing what to do. Not to mention embarrassed, because even if period are completely normal, her mom didn't do what she needed to do and help her through it.

I bet you'd feel so bad for this little girl. You'd feel bad for her, tell her it wasn't her fault, and she had nothing to be ashamed of.

Shame is a really really terrible feeling, but you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Your mom does, that was really negligent of her. That's her shame, not yours.

Keep thinking about that little girl, and you feel bad for that little girl that that happened to. I do, I think it's sad for her and I hope she feels better someday.

[with or without you]

shezbut, I forgot to add something to my reply...LOL. Sorry for the gross-out, but in the 4th grade I crapped my pants. Right in class. Our teacher was a heinous wench who would yell at us if we asked to go to the bathroom. The principal had to help me clean off. Needless to say, pret-tyyy embarrassing. I couldn't tell anyone about it until last year, and that was 20 years ago. My point is I think when something horribly embarrassing happens to you as a kid (involving bodily functions, what could be worse) it's magnified in your eyes as something 1000000x worse.

[Nicks_Nose]

Trust me, shezbut...we all have embarassing moments that we look back upon, with regrets, but, in this case, there is no need for embarassment or shame. It was a situation out of your control. Lots of Hugs

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by shezbut

and it's a shameful secret I've held onto tightly, so please be careful in any response you give. Thank you.....................................
..................................................................................

Well, I never connected with my parents emotionally. My sister (my dad's daughter) is 4 years older than I am, my mom hated her & so there was always a lot of chaos in the house. Especially between my sister and brother (my mom's son). I was the youngest and always tried to be the peacemaker ~ tried to make other's happy.

I got my first period when I was 13 years old, and I was completely unprepared. My sister was in jail. My mom just handed me a few OB tampons and some pantiliners, but didn't tell me how to work with them. Anyone who knows OB tampons knows that these things are tiny, without applicators, and they don't give thorough instructions on use. I finally stuck one up there, but didn't know anything about that area at all.

A few hours went by at school, and I went into the bathroom to change it. I couldn't get it out! I had no friends. Didn't trust anyone, and my mom never asked how it went. Anyway, I kept that tampon inside of me because I didn't know how to get it out. I'm sure that you can imagine what a horrible month that was for me! When I got my period, the next month, I finally had the will to push it out. Finally!! I was at one of the snootiest schools back in the early 80's ~ "You know, like, "the 80's" at the very place where it all happened?" It was HELL!!!

How can I let go of the intense shame and disgust with myself attached to this memory?? It's horrible!

Oh honey, I have my own story to share. I hope it makes you feel better.

When I was 12 years old I went with my school to a cabin retreat for a week. I had my period. I had pads, but I was too embarrassed to ask for a garbage can (there was no garbage can anywhere in the cabin. So I wrapped the pads in toilet paper and wedged them in the wall. Yes -- in the wall! That cabin must have REEKED after a few weeks!

I understand the shame all too well.

As for leaving a tampon in there all month -- I've done that too, by accident. What's even worse? My bf went down on me and we had sex while it was in there (we didn't know at the time). After we found out, my bf was SO grossed out! I don't blame him. Poor guy!

[critterlady]

Oh, Shezbut, you have nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of! Your mom should have helped you.

I completely agree with Mortimer to think of it as happening to another little 13 year old girl. You would have compassion for her. Please extend that compassion to yourself.