[do I exist]

I'm not exactly sure if this goes in this subforum or not so I apologize if it's not. (I didn't want male input on this so maybe it is the right subforum?) also I'm not sure how to be clear when revealing my thoughts, so bear with me

I have issues with my sexuality, I don't know what to call it so I don't call it anything. I've been afraid of men for a long time, yet at the same time I want their love. I'm attracted to them but I'm scared of them

I've been talking to a guy online & over the phone for a while now and I like him and trust him for the most part (I have trust issues w/ everyone). well yesterday he told me he likes me a lot too, and then we got onto the topic of soulmates and his past relationships. He told me he wants to find a mate, because he wants to be a father (I'm sure to him, that includes being in love with a woman first). I like him but it scared me a little. I don't even know if he was referring to me. I don't like the idea of being just a body to carry someone's baby. It just scared me because I get the idea that it's just to be used, even though there is no further evidence than his phrase "I want to find a mate". when I get scared I retreat mentally, and I don't reply to their calls/texts. I don't want to hurt him by this, but I'm feeling ambivalent about talking to him now.
Just the fact that he's male deters me. If he was a woman I would be 100% more comfortable.
I don't really know what I'm asking for, maybe just some sort of input?

It sounds as though you and this gentleman are at very different places in life. I would definately work on these trust and self esteem issues with a therapist - if you are intimidated by men then im not sure this will bode well for a long term relationship, let alone having kids with someone. Please don't feel pressured into anything you don't want to do and i would wait until you're more comfortable in yourself and your sexuality before getting too involved with someone. I hope ive been helpful. All the best.

I echo bb's sentiments. Also, from an "old lady's" pov (who has been around the block a few times), please be careful and don't let anyone pressure you into anything.

(in my experience, it is a big red flag for me when someone that I barely know starts bringing up the whole idea of soulmates, reproducing, etc)

Also, if you DO meet this person IRL, I would strongly urge you to meet them in a very public place. Best wishes to you xx

[shezbut]

It sounds to me like your Wise Mind is warning you about this guy.

I can understand how you may be feeling guilty and confused whether or not your reaction is "right" ~ but do listen to your Wise Mind. It's telling you that something funky is going on. If you do decide to meet him in person, do so slowly and very carefully. Like Rose, I would advise you to meet him in public settings several times if you do decide to see him in the real world.

Gentle hugs sent your way ~ best wishes!

[Snowy83]

I think it is too early to decide if you want to be with him, let alone have babies. People on internet can be very different from what they are in real life. I think you need to OBSERVE him for a while first, I would say at least a year. You never know what he truly is behind the screen and the phone. Your feeling of being scared is justified, don't rush into anything just because you or he want to find a mate. All in all, my advise to you - BE CAREFUL!!

[CandleGlow]

Hi, I agree with what everyone else has said - but looking from another perspective, maybe you are 'over thinking' his comments. They may well have just him being open and honest - not necessarily saying 'I want to be a father now!
Does he know you have trust issues, if he really is keen to get to know you, he needs to know that you need to take things slowly. Anyway, just different perspective
Take it slloooow - and stay safe