[lil-angel-wings]

and he will not admit it.
He thinks its no big deal and will not quit smoking.
He has a hole in one lung and is tiered all the time and is now on SSDI.
He does not understand why I get emotional when I talk about Him not being here anymore. He thinks Im just over emotional and over reacting.
When I try to talk to him about how I feel he will get mad and leave the room or tell me to shut up.

I can not live with out him and truth be told I wish I sould die before or with Him. I do not want to live in this pain anymore.

[bebop]

you may want his dr to talk to him about it. How long has he had it? if it is as bad as you describe I am not sure I would push too hard with him. My husband has copd and did quit. His dr told him it is progressive even if you quit. Is your husband on any kind of treatment? I am so sorry you are going thru this. It is difficult to think you might lose someone you love. I was married to an alcholic and he had chirosis of the liver and would not quit drinking. I know how you are feeling hon. it hurts. keep us posted hon.

[JLarissaDragon]

Smoking is highly addictive and if he has been smoking for a long time, quitting is no easy matter. I think the advice of having his doctor talk to him is a good idea. Having worked with a lot of teenagers who are getting themselves hooked. I found it is really hard to get people to change. unless they want to. On the other hand if he is really beginning to have serious health issues, a wake up call from his doctor might help. You might also look for some smoking cessation programs, so that you have some positive suggestions if he sees the light. Many of these are actually covered by health insurance.

Sometimes a medical professional has a lot more clout than we do as wives.
My husband is not a smoker now. He quit when he met me 10 years ago, since I would not get seriously involved with him otherwise but in other matters, I find that I seldom get results by nagging him. Most of the time people do not make behavioral changes unless they want to. The key is to get him to see that it is a good idea for him too. Then maybe you could work together to figure out a reward system that would provide positive reinforcement. Being supportive is really important. I wish you well in this

[lil-angel-wings]

unfortunantly my husband was told when he had a hole in his lung that it might be 6 months before he was put on ozygen. it has been over a year and I know that he needs it, but we do not have insurance as of Jan 2012 so he only sees a Primary Dr. He knows the end result and I know it scares Him to death although He is so severly depressed that he would rather die.

I know all the things you have said were in good taste and very supportive, however knowing all this already and trying this all ready, I am in need more of just moral support with a hug...

dont get me wrong please by no means do I want to disregard anything any of you have said because I would have given the same advice. but unfortunantly Depression is the bigger issue...

I do not want to live with out him, thus the truth be told I would rather die first...

thank you for your support.

Originally Posted by lil-angel-wings

and he will not admit it.
He thinks its no big deal and will not quit smoking.
He has a hole in one lung and is tiered all the time and is now on SSDI.
He does not understand why I get emotional when I talk about Him not being here anymore. He thinks Im just over emotional and over reacting.
When I try to talk to him about how I feel he will get mad and leave the room or tell me to shut up.

I can not live with out him and truth be told I wish I sould die before or with Him. I do not want to live in this pain anymore.

Your feelings are felt. You love your husband very much and it's understandable that you want him to be well. Maybe you could telephone his Doctor as there might be other issues going on like depression and anxiety about having emphysema. Sometimes I think people can be in denial and not grasp what is really going on, does that make sense? warm thoughts to you.

[JLarissaDragon]

I understand that you love your husband very much. It is little wonder that you are concerned. I just want to let you know I care and my heart goes out to you. Depression is a tough monster to battle.

Love and Hugs -- Larissa

[Jannaku]

Hi I'm really sorry about what you are going through. I have just recently quit smoking after many, many years of being a hard core smoker. It always got my back up when someone suggested I quit or made a comment about me smoking and it had a reverse effect. Deep inside I knew I should quit and I hated myself for not being able to do it. It was a battle between my mind and the nicotine. I finally quit by using nicotine patches and an electronic cigarrette (E-Cigarette) - so effectively I was getting my nicotine from the patch but the feeling and the act of smoking from the ECig. It worked. It has now been 4 months and I hope never to touch one again - not because I wouldn't love to but because I know that for me is all or none and nothing in between. Perhaps your husband may consider giving up smokes if he has support like what I had but at the end of the day it is his choice and no-one can alter that. In the meantime I wish you both well. Take care

[yellowted]

my partner passed away from a lung disease, not the same one as your husband, but the deterioration was very much the same, so i can relate to what you are going through, when my partner was told he would need oxygen, he fought as long as he could before giving in to it, he did not give up on life, but did give up worrying about how much he drank (he never had smoked)... i don't have long to live I'm going to live it how i want.... i did try to encourage him to take it easy but after a few tries i realised the time we still had was valuable and decided not to waste it worrying or arguing about his drinking, the time we had was special, so many people do not have the opportunity to build memories, plan their funeral or say goodbye, we had all those and so too do you, make the most of the time you have together, because once he is gone you may have a long time before you see him again.
he will be going through so much at present, not only adjusting to life in the slower lane, but he will be pondering on the progression and the end and feeling like he has no control of his life anymore, probably be scared of it even if he doesn't admit it, he will be thinking about his past, the regrets and mistakes he made, and be worried how this is/will affect you among other things, so disaproving of his smoking is the last thing he needs right now. He will know that it may help him have a little longer and will decide himself if he wants to try giving up, but if like my man he decides he would rather go quicker than hang around struggling for every breath then you need to respect his decision no matter how much it breaks your heart, because it is one thing he still feels he has control of.
even when my partner was told he could not leave hospital until oxygen was installed at home he still fought against it, in all reality it does sound scary, but once it was installed it was notthat bad, though it did make his nose very sore. we still managed to go to the coast for holidays/weekends away as the oxygen was transportable, we had a concentrator which he used when we had electricity, we had large bottles of oxygen for the journey and a small refillable one for going out for a couple of hours. it did take a lot of organizing and i do recall screaming at his doctor on a number of occasions because he hadn't put the right number of bottles on his script!
so yes it is probably the hardest thing you have ever done, but you just need to be there, accept that he is in charge of his own destiny all you can do is help make his time happy, comfortable and as normal as you can.
my thoughts are with you both x