I was a virgin, my boyfriend was not - how to get over the jealousy?!?

I'm 22. I was a virgin until I met my current bf... we only had sex about 3 weeks ago. My bf has had 4 other partners. He says they were all controlling and horrible girlfriends. He ended up dumping all of them. Him and I have made a special connection, and I just know that he's the one. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.. and I know he's telling me the truth. We both have ADHD.. and so we really really get one another and why we both do (what seems peculiar to other ppl) the things that we do.

I've met his extended family and he's met mine. I regularly go to family events with him and his family all really loves me. He says that he never knew what happiness was until he met me. He is an incredibly amazing, sweet, respectful, AWESOME human being! His family loves me too. My mom loves him as well (my dad.. well.. I'm his little girl.. and he'll likely always see me that way so he's taking a while to open up to him).

We have an amazing foundation for our relationship. I really want to spend the rest of my life with him.

But. But I just can't get over the fact that he's been with four other women. It disgusts me and immediately turns me off when something is brought up in our conversation about his times with them.

I've been wanting to know all about his exes... I figure if I'm going to be dating him and spending the rest of my life with him.. I'm going to be dating ALL of him.. including his past. This is also my first serious relationship.. I know you're not supposed to ask about exes though.. but I couldn't help myself.

Now I find myself jealous of people who aren't even there anymore and who he doesn't even respect and all ex gfs who he actually dumped! He says I don't even compare to them!

The thing is.. I'm really bothered because I'm also the one that usually initiates the sex. I'm the one that initiates new sexual possibilities.. I'm the one that goes with the adventurousness (when we first started dating.. he told me he was into all this kinky stuff... and just being sexually open and everything.. but when push comes to shove.. even though I'm the virgin! I'm the one that's initiating all of this).

I feel like with me initiating the sex.. it makes me somewhat less.. I don't know. I don't feel as attractive because it's like I'm the one wanting him. He reassures me all the time that I'm beautiful and everything and I just happen to beat him to the punch.. but like.. he's had other partners. This fact just won't stop bugging me. He said that I am WAAAYYY better at sex than his other gfs.. But I can't get over the fact that he's had other partners.

I know this is something I have to get over. I'm a really rational and logical person.. and I know this is kind of stupid that I'm jealous over them. I know intellectually how to get over this situation.. it's something in the past that he can't control.. but that still doesn't seem to help my jealousy.

HELP! I don't want this to plague our relationship.. I just want to get over them and I don't know how...

I was raised Roman Catholic.. that's why I had waited so long to have sex. Sex meant a lot to me. He's United.. so I understnad he didn't have the same notion about sex.. he said that he would have preferred to have waited until he met me too.. and he likes that sex means a lot to me..

just.. help me ppl... HELP! I have to get over the thought that he has slept and experienced intimate moments with four other women!!

You will never "get over" it, you will just learn to live with it. Forgiveness is divine, trust is paramount. Don't ever lose trust

I'll try to understand your perspective, but it's also not fair to him if you're disgusted by this. Even if he did enjoy his time with the other people, it doesn't mean the sex he has with you isn't as good or that he doesn't find you attractive.
If you want him to take a more dominant role in the bedroom, tell him. Passive aggressive hints never seem to work, so the best way to deal with it is to confront him.
I would really talk to him about this, cause this isn't fair for either of you. If you really, really dislike the idea that he's been with other people, dump him and find someone who's morals align with yours because, like you said, it could plague the relationship.

I don't think that he could do better than what he did when he said that had he known that you would appear in his life, he would have waited. It really is a very sweet thing to say and I would cherish that phrase if I were you. Try not to initiate sex and see what happens.

I agree with the others that honest, open communication with your partner is the way to go. If you have such a close relationship, and expect to be together in the long term, you will have to learn to talk about uncomfortable (and prickly) issues. Tell him how you feel, and maybe then you will be able to get to the root of why you do (and how to deal with it). Good luck.

I didn't have this issue with my first. He had been with 14 girls before me. I knew this. He was a complete player when we first became friends and got together. Then we moved in together and became engaged. That's when I finally gave in. I wanted to know I wasn't just another notch on the bedpost. But it never bothered me. It was his past and I was his future. If he had wanted them he would have gave up his player life for them. I did however make him get tested first. Because I mean 14 girls is a lot to not be sure if they gave him something.

Ironically I'm the one who cheated in that relationship.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

I'm in the opposite position with fiance. He was only with one woman before me, while he's my 10th partner. That doesn't make him less special to me--quite the opposite. I have the experience to know that we really are THAT GOOD together.

Your bf is being honest and he seems really sweet. I assume you just started a relationship and you may seem shocked because he is putting it all on the table, but that's good. I hate surprises/secrets especially later on. My then BF lost his at 14 yikes. But I appreciate him being honest and not hiding anything out of shame. Yes I admit it I felt shocked at first, but it's normal. Honestly I don't care anymore at this point, he's done it before he even met me.