[TheEbonyEwe]

I will be 43 in May, married 7 years and I have a multitude of health issues. The reason I'm posting is I'm just disgusted with sex. Ugh... the thought of it makes me sick. I want nothing to do with it. Sometimes, maybe once a month, I might want to, but all the effort required just turns me off. That and the end result just isn't worth it to me anymore.

Probably think this is funny, but I find that I'm getting really disgusted with bodily fluids in general. Having to clean up afterwards and/or waiting for all of it to get out over the next day really irritates me. I don't know why something that stupid is starting to bother me. Maybe I'm getting old and cantankerous. Used to, I didn't care and these little things didn't irritate me, but now I just dread it for some reason.

And, of course, my husband always wants it when I feel the worst. I don't say anything though. I just tell him, go ahead, I don't feel good and then I let him do his business so I can go to sleep. If I don't, he'll go find it somewhere else, right? So I do what I have to do. I just wish I didn't feel like a bathroom afterwards.

It's gotten so that I'm wishing we had twin beds and could sleep separately. I don't even like him touching me in bed because it wakes me up, or I can't get to sleep and I just want to be left alone. I know I have some issues... I just hate the thought of going to the doctor and figuring out why. I know part of it is growing older and getting uglier and more disgusting to look at. I hate it. I hate that I feel like an 80 year old woman.

I wonder... is it a matter of time before he does because he wants his partner to be satisfied? If I never had sex again, I wouldn't care; however, I know it is important to some men that their partner enjoy themselves too. (I know I should know this of my husband, but he doesn't like to talk about stuff like this, and neither do I.) I do know that he understands that I suffer from depression, arthritis, joint degeneration and fibro myalgia. I know he gets why I don't want to, but I still worry that he's going to start getting it somewhere else.

Any suggestions how to get out of this funk? Is this something that just happens to some women? Could it be hormonal? Or emotional? I don't know if my husband is going to put up with me much longer. Men usually don't where a lack of interest in sex is evident. I saw A LOT of that years ago on dating sites when I was single. Married men looking for a fling cause their wife doesn't want to have sex anymore. Man, I used to shake my head at that, and ....now that's me.

[Big Mama]

I am the same way. I just let him have his way with me. I might as well just give it to him. Like you I don't want him to stray. I am almost 40. We have been married 20 years. I just don't like sex. The fluids thing I totally get. It is yucky at the moment, and I am the one who has to deal with the aftermath the following day or two. I have depression and I take meds for it. I know that those medications totally killed my sex drive. I had little drive to begin with, but they killed what was left.

Just know that you are not alone. I hope my sex drive comes back one day, I think, or that it never does and my H is happy being a monk. Cause I could care less if we ever did it again. Wishing you the best with this issue. My thoughts are with you, I totally get how you feel. I'm sorry.

Originally Posted by TheEbonyEwe

I will be 43 in May, married 7 years and I have a multitude of health issues. The reason I'm posting is I'm just disgusted with sex. Ugh... the thought of it makes me sick. I want nothing to do with it. Sometimes, maybe once a month, I might want to, but all the effort required just turns me off. That and the end result just isn't worth it to me anymore.

Probably think this is funny, but I find that I'm getting really disgusted with bodily fluids in general. Having to clean up afterwards and/or waiting for all of it to get out over the next day really irritates me. I don't know why something that stupid is starting to bother me. Maybe I'm getting old and cantankerous. Used to, I didn't care and these little things didn't irritate me, but now I just dread it for some reason.

And, of course, my husband always wants it when I feel the worst. I don't say anything though. I just tell him, go ahead, I don't feel good and then I let him do his business so I can go to sleep. If I don't, he'll go find it somewhere else, right? So I do what I have to do. I just wish I didn't feel like a bathroom afterwards.

It's gotten so that I'm wishing we had twin beds and could sleep separately. I don't even like him touching me in bed because it wakes me up, or I can't get to sleep and I just want to be left alone. I know I have some issues... I just hate the thought of going to the doctor and figuring out why. I know part of it is growing older and getting uglier and more disgusting to look at. I hate it. I hate that I feel like an 80 year old woman.

I wonder... is it a matter of time before he does because he wants his partner to be satisfied? If I never had sex again, I wouldn't care; however, I know it is important to some men that their partner enjoy themselves too. (I know I should know this of my husband, but he doesn't like to talk about stuff like this, and neither do I.) I do know that he understands that I suffer from depression, arthritis, joint degeneration and fibro myalgia. I know he gets why I don't want to, but I still worry that he's going to start getting it somewhere else.

Any suggestions how to get out of this funk? Is this something that just happens to some women? Could it be hormonal? Or emotional? I don't know if my husband is going to put up with me much longer. Men usually don't where a lack of interest in sex is evident. I saw A LOT of that years ago on dating sites when I was single. Married men looking for a fling cause their wife doesn't want to have sex anymore. Man, I used to shake my head at that, and ....now that's me.

Question is, do you want to want it?
Would you give him the okay to go elsewhere or would it bother you?

My libido left me years ago. I am on anti-depressants.....
I missed the old me, though....I missed the way I was.
So I changed my meds and went on hormone therapy....Testosterone is magic.

I am sure that if your husband desires you, he desires YOU. You are not simply a receptacle for him to put his penis in....He finds you attractive even if you don't find you attractive. Look at yourself through his eyes.

[SeekerOfLife]

You may be in the early stages of menopause. For real! Add that to emotional issues, health issues. May need a female check up at the Dr. If it is a really big deal, perhaps some marital counseling would help.

[TheEbonyEwe]

Sophiesmom, I'm indifferent really. If the libido came back, great, if not, well, whatever.

I would not want him to go somewhere else. Regardless what the reason, it is still cheating to me and that would hurt. It's bad enough it hurts I can't enjoy it anymore, and it hurts even worse thinking he might go somewhere else. Marriage really isn't fair to womankind....I've realized that. We don't age gracefully as men do, and there is no forgiveness from men for how we look since they are visually stimulated. Then, when our plumbing doesn't work, we catch heck for that too in one way or the other. Add health problems on top of all that....

I'm not sure about the menopause thing... I might get tested for that... I wonder if an OTC supplement would help, like Estroven?

I understand....I couldn't give my husband permission either....but some can and it takes the pressure off you.
I agree with what you say.....women seem to deteriorate in all ways and I don't think that men get that..I would love to switch places for a few days.

TMI, but I was your age when things weren't....quite right. The very first sign was insomnia. Then it was libido, then depression....

My levels tested "within range". My problem with that is that they don't know what YOUR normal is...so it's really a false test...
I finally got up the courage to say 'listen...I want my libido back'. After all, I did miss the vibrancy and the excitement and the energy.
Since, at the time, I didn't need estrogen too, I was prescribed testosterone. I can't tell you how wonderful it was. I had energy again, I had a zest for life that I thought was simply lost due to aging...

I am not saying it would work for everyone....it had no effect on a friend....but how can it hurt? The worst that will happen is nothing...except for maybe a few hairs where you don't want them...but I, for one, am willing to deal with that.

(OTC did nothing for me)

[SeekerOfLife]

When I was in my 30's I wish I could have gotten my husband to get a check up at the doctors. His sex drive was so low, it was almost non existent. I am divorced now. His low sex drive was part of the reason I left.
I agree with the comment made about him wanting YOU. Talk together. Open your hearts. Really listen to not only the words, but also the meaning. Best wishes.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by TheEbonyEwe

I wonder... is it a matter of time before he does because he wants his partner to be satisfied? If I never had sex again, I wouldn't care; however, I know it is important to some men that their partner enjoy themselves too. (I know I should know this of my husband, but he doesn't like to talk about stuff like this, and neither do I.) I

Seven years married, if he hasn't shown desire for your pleasure, yet....i don't feel it's a matter of time, before he gets it.

Shame around sexuality travels accross both genders, unfortunately.

I'd also, recommend marriage counseling, at least express your fears that he'd stray.


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