[l00king4answers79]

I started dating a guy back in December and we've already been through a lot. In February we "broke up" because he wanted to work on himself, but we didn't really break up, we still went on dates and had sex, but then he told me the real reason he broke up with me. He's still married.

They're separated, and have been for over a year. She cheated on him and got pregnant with another man's baby, and he kicked her out. But they never got a divorce. Once he told me, it took a while but we got back together. He promised me the divorce would happen soon, but four months later and nothing... I know he wants one he's just so lazy.

I did some internet stalking and finally found her on social media. She's A LOT prettier than me... thin, tall, blond hair, blue eyes. I'm fat and not very conventionally attractive. It absolutely killed me. What if he's not getting a divorce because he's secretly still hoping to get back with her?

[CopperStar]

He kept a huge secret from you, significant enough that it falls under the category of lying in my book.

That would be a dealbreaker for me. People teach you about themselves, if you pay attention. They teach you what sort of people they are, what their moral standards are, whether or not you can trust them, how much they actually do or do not care about you.

He has taught you that you cannot trust him, and that he will lie to you, and keep important secrets from you. He has also taught you that his words do not mean jack. He says he'll do something, then does nothing towards it.

Frankly for all you know his pity parade about his wife being a cheater is a lie, just to make you feel sorry for him. How would you know? All you know is that he is capable of lying and keeping secrets, but not so much keeping his word.

And yet your big concern is whether or not he thinks his wife is hotter than you. Indicates to me that your self-esteem and self-respect is extremely low, making you the perfect target for some slimy lying user who uses pity plea excuses.

Straight up, you are in emotionally dangerous territory right now. Be careful if you choose not to run for the hills.

[l00king4answers79]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

He kept a huge secret from you, significant enough that it falls under the category of lying in my book.

That would be a dealbreaker for me. People teach you about themselves, if you pay attention. They teach you what sort of people they are, what their moral standards are, whether or not you can trust them, how much they actually do or do not care about you.

He has taught you that you cannot trust him, and that he will lie to you, and keep important secrets from you. He has also taught you that his words do not mean jack. He says he'll do something, then does nothing towards it.

Frankly for all you know his pity parade about his wife being a cheater is a lie, just to make you feel sorry for him. How would you know? All you know is that he is capable of lying and keeping secrets, but not so much keeping his word.

And yet your big concern is whether or not he thinks his wife is hotter than you. Indicates to me that your self-esteem and self-respect is extremely low, making you the perfect target for some slimy lying user who uses pity plea excuses.

Straight up, you are in emotionally dangerous territory right now. Be careful if you choose not to run for the hills.

I spoke to him about it the other night. I don't think he realized how important it was to me. To him it's just a piece of paper that they need to sign but for me it's so much more. He apologized over and over again, told me he loved me and that he would make sure he filed before the fall semester starts so he can get the money together. In the morning when we woke up I heard him in the kitchen and I went and saw him throwing out everything that came from her, including the champagne glasses from their wedding and some shoes she left there. I think he really means it. I just needed to open up to him.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by l00king4answers79

I spoke to him about it the other night. I don't think he realized how important it was to me. To him it's just a piece of paper that they need to sign but for me it's so much more. He apologized over and over again, told me he loved me and that he would make sure he filed before the fall semester starts so he can get the money together. In the morning when we woke up I heard him in the kitchen and I went and saw him throwing out everything that came from her, including the champagne glasses from their wedding and some shoes she left there. I think he really means it. I just needed to open up to him.

I hope that you are right for your own sake, but I would still be extremely skeptical. Please consider remaining vigilant. It is only a matter of having healthy boundaries and demanding proper respect for yourself. If he is sincere, it will still work out just fine. If he is a slimeball, you will be protecting yourself. If the same thing happens again, keeping big secrets from you, or if he continues to show other examples of not acting on his words, that makes him a repeat offender in the context of the relationship. Good luck.

[l00king4answers79]

Yeah, I'm not letting my guard down just yet. I've got major trust issues to begin with, it's gonna take me a while to completely get over it.

He's an amazing guy, and I want to trust him, but only time will tell.

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

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[TheWell]

You aren't crazy. It's always better to have a conversation to let the other person know what you are thinking and I'm glad you did that.
I hope it works out for you.