[ahoydivision]

I am a 26 year old female, I am currently living with and in a romantic partnership with a 29 year old man.
I am very uncomfortable with him viewing and masturbating to teen, barely legal, exxxxtra small, and teen school themed porn.
We have lived together for 6 months, have been together collectively 2 1/2 years.
A little back story, when we were not living together and had just started dating, the topic of porn came up. He showed me the hundreds of files he had on his personal computer, we were sharing our thoughts about sex and the like. I figured he had so many files because he lived alone, but I also knew that he has a preference for smaller framed, seemingly looking like "girls". I am 5'2 and I at one point weighed 120 lbs.
Years later and we are living together, I am now at 138 lbs and I feel gross.
Now that we are living together, I figured our sex life would have increased, but in turn we barely have sex.
When confronted with our lack of sex, he claims "I have a low sex drive."
He has his teen porn on a flash drive, and I can see in his recent files the times and the dates that he has watched.

Now, I have been all over the internet and seeing "men just watch porn, that's the way that it is" or "men want youth, it's natural."

I live with borderline personality disorder, and it was hard enough for me to confront him in a manner that is calm and respectful (but I did) he in turn flipped out and stormed out of the room. We have not actually talked about this issue and I always end up saying sorry for bringing it up.

I also deal with some serious self image issues, and I constantly think about throwing up my food and/or not eating...just so that I can get back to being small again.

any advice? anyone go through something like this?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Sounds like he would not be open to relationship-counselling?

I don't think you should blame yourself here.

[meina]

Hi..
At first I appreciate for being so nice to him in in fact it is not your only responsibility to make him happy as well as it's not only your fault if you are having some issues.
For the porn preferences...there could be several reasons in brain...you might ignore this habit .....hopefully after around 10 years he will be a changed person....
for the sexual intimacy...you both need to do hard work ....otherwise it will be worst soon.or later...
one thing you can try....just do whatever he does in the same manner.....hope he would get what it means ..

thx
love

[Yoda]

It is him, it isn't you gaining a few pounds.

My first husband liked to look at porn and masturbate and he and I seldom had sex. I was angry at him for choosing the porn over me but it was his choice so there was no way to fix it. After being married for seven years we divorced over other issues. My next BF liked porn but watched it with me and it was a prelude to our sex which was great.

I don't know how you can solve your problem but don't blame yourself. I'd wait a bit before I'd marry that guy if I were you. He might not be the best match for you.

Just my opinon...

[ahoydivision]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Sounds like he would not be open to relationship-counselling?

I don't think you should blame yourself here.

I have been thinking about relationship counselling, I need to just ask him, I get so down that I think "nah, he'll never go."

the worst he can do is say no.

[ahoydivision]

Originally Posted by Yoda

It is him, it isn't you gaining a few pounds.

My first husband liked to look at porn and masturbate and he and I seldom had sex. I was angry at him for choosing the porn over me but it was his choice so there was no way to fix it. After being married for seven years we divorced over other issues. My next BF liked porn but watched it with me and it was a prelude to our sex which was great.

I don't know how you can solve your problem but don't blame yourself. I'd wait a bit before I'd marry that guy if I were you. He might not be the best match for you.

Just my opinon...

Yes! we don't watch it together, he gets up before me and watches it while I sleep, I really really hate that.
I masturbated a lot when I was single, but I wanted the real thing....I can't imagine picking masturbation over actually having sex.

I'd like to have someone sit down with us and talk, because maybe he's having some issues. But, I'm just feeling so gross, and I never have before...not like this.

[ahoydivision]

Originally Posted by meina

Hi..
At first I appreciate for being so nice to him in in fact it is not your only responsibility to make him happy as well as it's not only your fault if you are having some issues.
For the porn preferences...there could be several reasons in brain...you might ignore this habit .....hopefully after around 10 years he will be a changed person....
for the sexual intimacy...you both need to do hard work ....otherwise it will be worst soon.or later...
one thing you can try....just do whatever he does in the same manner.....hope he would get what it means ..
I am a counsellor and am available for some people on Skype in the time of need.
thx
love

I have left my laptop open with porn on it in the living room and the bedroom, just to see if he would notice and talk to me about it. I'd like to be with him, because I know he loves me...he just doesn't understand how much I enjoy intimacy and that it's important to me for us to have a love life.

[ahoydivision]

Thank you all so much for the comments, it has been awhile since I have been in a forum, please pardon if my replies didn't come back right.

I know nothing about relationships so will not comment on that!

I was selling myself as a teenager... I get so conflicted because I also understand the whole biological drive, that it isn't really a choice of what to be attracted to.... I like to think I have the whole liberal attitudes towards porn down...

And, it triggers me that guys do this. Actually, I get triggered even hearing about the attraction to teens, even when it isn't acted on in any illegal or legal way. And I know that this is wrong. But it bugs me... partly because I was that kid and partly because I want to know that now that I am older that I am still worth something...

There was an interesting doc on amateur porn... girls just starting out... it seemed quite real, not really there to shock but also showing some of the harsh realities of that life. Maybe show it to him and see if it will guilt him out of it!

No--terrible advice--the doc is probably too triggering for a lot of people but if anyone is interested, it is Hot Girls Wanted.

I just heard about it because there was an interview on Vice and the creator is someone I think is cool...

Anyway. I want to be liberal. My opinions are liberal. My feelings... But that lifestyle will **** up anyone.

[ahoydivision]

Originally Posted by somat

I know nothing about relationships so will not comment on that!

I was selling myself as a teenager... I get so conflicted because I also understand the whole biological drive, that it isn't really a choice of what to be attracted to.... I like to think I have the whole liberal attitudes towards porn down...

And, it triggers me that guys do this. Actually, I get triggered even hearing about the attraction to teens, even when it isn't acted on in any illegal or legal way. And I know that this is wrong. But it bugs me... partly because I was that kid and partly because I want to know that now that I am older that I am still worth something...

There was an interesting doc on amateur porn... girls just starting out... it seemed quite real, not really there to shock but also showing some of the harsh realities of that life. Maybe show it to him and see if it will guilt him out of it!

No--terrible advice--the doc is probably too triggering for a lot of people but if anyone is interested, it is Hot Girls Wanted.

I just heard about it because there was an interview on Vice and the creator is someone I think is cool...

Anyway. I want to be liberal. My opinions are liberal. My feelings... But that lifestyle will **** up anyone.

I have watched hot girls wanted, I watched it one night in our room while he was in the living room. When i left to get a drink of water he asked me how my movie was, I was so upset that I couldn't look at him, all I could say was "just watching your favorite girls from reality kings". Ironically enough, that is his most downloaded porn is from reality kings.

He refuses to talk to me about his little habit, he refuses to comment on our lack of sex life, and until he does...I'm just going to assume that this is the way he wants things, I have put out there that I would like for him to be intimate more or at the very least talk to me or someone about what's going on with him.

I have nothing against sex workers, I do have a problem with the supply and demand. How people that want barely legal porn get it, because there's a demand and girls want/need money. It makes me feel old, worn, and unattractive. These girls are eternalized on the screen, always willing to do whatever is asked of them and always young.
It creates this delusion that I will never live up to.

he says I'm looking to far into it, I say he just doesn't care.

[*Laurie*]

Hi ahoydivision, Your entire post screams RED FLAG. In my experience, men like your boyfriend have got serious issues with women. That's why they like girls.

This sounds like a big problem in your relationship and I can understand why you feel the way you do. I have no words of wisdom. I wouldn't be comfortable with it especially with the lack of intimacy between the two of you. You deserve better IMO. xoxoxo

[Goliad]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He doesn't seem to care about women or girls all that much- in my opinion- and a focus on teens and young girls is pretty concerning. It's something you're not comfortable with- on moral grounds- AND it's effecting your love life.

The key is open and honest communication- tell it to him as honestly and openly as possible. If he refuses to talk or dismisses your feelings and concerns you will continue to feel neglected and unloved and like he just doesn't care. You don't want to spend your life with someone like this.