[blueyed007]

Hello I am new. I've been with my fiance for 4 years. I met him at work while I was going through a horrible divorce(w/my abusive ex for 17 years) . From day one he has also made me feel loved and wanted , goes over and beyond for myself and my 2 children(1 in college and at home )
A few months into our relationship he started to play around with Crossdressing. He said he always had a thing for pantyhose etc. He would dress up here and there and pretty much now he wears female undergarments (bra and panty) on a everyday basis. So I mean I think it was something he might have always wanted to do or maybe did but with me being somewhat supportive of him he became comfortable with it and does it all the time . He no longer even owns men's underwear. Nor bought any men's clothing besides swimming trunks last year .
I am not by any means a judgmental type of person. I found if anything I feel less of a women when he looks better in clothes or my clothes for that matter then me. That's something I have to deal with
As of lately I have noticed he has been looking at crossdresser websites,pinning crossdresser outfits/etc on Pinterest , Tgirl type of porn on Tumbler.. even looking at the cost of a sex change.
He started to shave his armpits , legs etc. Paints his toes...
I thought for sure it was just a fetish for him. But now I'm not to sure.
In the bedroom we would have normal love making and he enjoys and requests to be pegged.
He let me know after one lovemaking session recently that he only gets semi erect? Have I noticed? I didn't ?? I'm more in tuned to him/us. Not if he's keeping his hard on! There are times tho that he just wants to cuddle and wont even get hard or eroused. It's very frustrating for me.

In any case I'm at this crossroad where I think he could be Bisexual? or something else? Is it me? I had a health issue and gained 15 lbs and I'm very hard on myself for it and have body issues . So I do at times think am very judgemental of myself. Depressed at times, lonely, etc
I don't know I really try supporting him and never put him down when he dresses up but some days I just feel out of the loop .. Neglected ..

Am I off base here?? Suggestions or anything that can help me?
I have tried talking to him he just shuts down or won't talk about it. It feels like like he wants to say something but hold back.

[*Laurie*]

Ohhhh....not a good situation. It sound to me like he's engaged in his serious sexual issues more than he's engaged to you.

[seraphic]

It sounds very much to me that he may be transgender, which is a very confusing and difficult situation to be in. I 100% would not take this as a judgement against you, or a sign that you "failed" somehow in keeping your fiance's interest. In fact, if your spouse does end up being trans, this doesn't mean at all that your relationship is over! It sounds like you have two related issues going on here: first that you don't know what's going on with your fiance because of the crossdressing, and secondly that you feel lonely and/or neglected. If possible, my suggestion is to try to separate them: don't blame the crossdressing for you feeling lonely, or he will probably withdraw more from you. Instead, if you genuinely try to support your partner and be open to whoever it is that he (or they, or she), he may feel more comfortable talking to you about what is going on.

Your fiance has not changed as a person. You mentioned him considering "sex change" - as a transgender person myself, something I really, really, really want to stress is that even if he chooses to transition further than he has, this will NOT change who he is. This is still the same person he's been all along - it's not like he'll be replaced by a total stranger, more that he will feel more comfortable revealing to you and embracing parts of himself that he has been hiding or suppressing.

It's completely reasonable to feel neglected if he's not spending much time with you, but it sounds like he's interested in cuddling, which shows that he still loves you and has affection for you. Transgender people frequently have a lot of discomfort with their genitals, even to the point of not being able to have sex, so if that is what is happening to your partner, please know that this isn't because you aren't desirable - it's instead a personal matter between him and his body.

Exploring your gender is a very, very difficult and frightening thing. My guess is that your fiance feels as confused and lonely as you do, and may be unsure how to explain what's going on or worried you will judge him for it. If you continue to reach out to him, try not to make assumptions, and be open to whatever changes or things he wants to reveal to you, this may help both of you to feel happier.

Please don't judge or be hard on yourself! This may be difficult, but remember this is the partner you got engaged to and who (I'm guessing) you love. Remind yourself what it is you love about him, try not to take what's going on personally, and trust that he is doing what is best and will make him happy, even if it's something you don't understand.

I hope things turn out well for you two.

[*Laurie*]

I fully support seraphic's post. Excellent insight.

[littlebitlost]

Seraphic is on the money there. I would get a counselor to take it through properly, and try to allow him play with others that you cannot provide. HUG! This stuff is never easy.

[hvert]

Is he taking hormones? That could be the cause of his erection issues.

Have you thought of seeing a therapist on your own to talk about this? I think your instincts are right that this isn't just a fetish.

[SnakeCharmer]

Blueyed, I'm sorry your going through this confusing time. I want to say right off the bat that none of this is your fault, it's not about your figure or gaining a few pounds. Nobody gets gender identity disorder because their partner gains 15 lbs. It goes deep, to the core of one's identity. As confusing as this is for you, it's probably even more so for your fiance.

If he's a cross dresser and if you're non-judgmental, it's no big deal as long as you can work it out in an agreeable way. Most experts in human sexuality and gender consider cross dressing a harmless fetish.

If your partner is experiencing gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria it becomes a more serious problem for the direction of your relationship as a romantic couple. The two of you may transition to a different kind of relationship or you may decide the new realities are too much.

Participating in counseling as the two of you figure this out is important, especially if it can help you talk to each other in an open, honest and non-condemning way.

There are on-line blogs and support networks specifically for the spouses of cross dressers and transgender and transsexual people. I don't know which ones are the most helpful, but I'm sure there are other posters here who can offer guidance in that regard.

I wish you the best.

[pantyhose_slave]

If he has a thing for pantyhose, try wearing some in the bedroom. That works like Viagra for me!