I know there is a chain of thought that says we should accept them as a compliment, but personally I have never felt like it was. It feels like "Hey you, woman, I'm reminding you that in my eyes you are just an object". In fact sometimes it can be a crude sexual request from a car window - a male friend once said he wished he would get such offers, I replied "Trust me, you would not want that kind of attention from some random ropey stranger". Not sexy, not in the least.

It doesn't happen too often these days, I'm in my 40s now, it used to embarrass me as a young woman, but it happened the other day just walking to the shops in my sports gear. It was hot out there, so I was wearing shorts and vest, that was the trigger I suppose.

It's even happened when I've been with my husband, that was especially humiliating, I felt bad for him too. I laughed it off, but ugh!

So how do you deal with it? Do you have the confidence to answer back? Sometimes I wish I did. All I do is pretend I didn't hear and look straight ahead, I did hear though and it creeped me out.

I ignore it...don't even glance in their direction. I've found doing that reinforces them to intensify it and it stresses me out more.

Originally Posted by rainyday107

I ignore it...don't even glance in their direction. I've found doing that reinforces them to intensify it and it stresses me out more.

Yes, the other day he shouted more vile things when I did not react (when you don't give attention I notice this is when we become "Ugly" or "lesbian"), I still pretended I didn't hear but a barrage of insults from a stranger in the street is never a good addition to the day.

[EriElla]

I have to ignore it because you never know if the man in question might become violent just because you didn't respond positively. I've seen too many stories of women being killed for saying no or showing the slightest hint of irritation.

I end up going home furious and also depressed because you can't even stand up for yourself in some cases without fear of severe retaliation.

Wow, how rude! Ignoring them and then getting the hell away from whoever doing it is best. However, maybe if you feel safe enough to, and there are people around, you can just flip them off and leave, lol. Some men are truly disgusting.

[Jan1212]

I ignore it most of the time.. when I was with a guy, he went up to him and screamed at him. A couple times I wasn't myself and called them ^head or dbag. I don't hang around these areas anymore, I'm always working

[SvanThor]

It just doesn't offend me. I don't take it as anything negative. I just smile, give a wink, and walk on.

[clarissadalloway08]

Wolf whistles, cat calls and sometimes the way men look at you - these are the biggest anxiety triggers for me. Sometimes my reactions to it are so extreme (I shrink back, feel incredibly unstable, and know I look downright crazed) that they scare the men, who are confused and often stop right away. (Even if I haven't said a word they can probably see it in my face). If it's a particularly bad incident I have to go home for an hour or so to recover, but usually it goes away

[TiredPilgrim]

I've never had this problem. My co-worker does, though, sometimes. She generally ignores it, and if she can't ignore it, or if the person gives her 'bad vibes', she either avoids the place entirely, or she tries to make sure she walks with someone. Usually if I know it's happening, I'll try to walk with her, between her and whoever it is, and stay engaged in conversation with her as we pass.

[artnom]

I usually ignore them and move away faster, but it's always left me feeling very uncomfortable.

Haven't had it in years!

[Sad Mermaid]

I miss them, having a large belly now, and hope to get in shape and get them again. I am 45. When I was young, I got them all the time and always viewed them as a compliment. It took me several years to realize that I miss them. They were like a vitamin and now I have vitamin deficiency.

[amulet]

At 62, I no longer have those problems. Can't remember the last time I experienced that. Reactions change with age.

Originally Posted by Sad Mermaid

I miss them, having a large belly now, and hope to get in shape and get them again. I am 45. When I was young, I got them all the time and always viewed them as a compliment. It took me several years to realize that I miss them. They were like a vitamin and now I have vitamin deficiency.

I don't get them often now either (I'm 40s) but can't say I miss them, the odd one I get I dislike. They're always about my butt or my breasts, that's not classy to me, and from someone I don't even know.

What I do like is a well placed genuine compliment from a man (not a stranger in the street) "You look lovely" or similar especially when I've made an effort, now I must admit that does put a spring in my step.

[Sad Mermaid]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I don't get them often now either (I'm 40s) but can't say I miss them, the odd one I get I dislike. They're always about my butt or my breasts, that's not classy to me, and from someone I don't even know.

What I do like is a well placed genuine compliment from a man (not a stranger in the street) "You look lovely" or similar especially when I've made an effort, now I must admit that does put a spring in my step.

My butt and my breasts are great - I would even go on to say that I actually gained something in those departments from weight gain - but without the waist line it all goes to waste. I guess I am different from you in that I liked it specifically when I did not make an effort but instead wore some random clothing, which was the case with me most of the time when I was younger. I have also have not heard comments specifically on a body part or parts, but just general appreciation. I can definitely see, though, how you'd appreciate if a man noticed your having made that effort.

Originally Posted by Sad Mermaid

My butt and my breasts are great - I would even go on to say that I actually gained something in those departments from weight gain - but without the waist line it all goes to waste. I guess I am different from you in that I liked it specifically when I did not make an effort but instead wore some random clothing, which was the case with me most of the time when I was younger. I have also have not heard comments specifically on a body part or parts, but just general appreciation. I can definitely see, though, how you'd appreciate if a man noticed your having made that effort.

Yes, it is mighty fine when you know you've scrubbed up well and it's appreciated in a respectful way.

I think attractiveness is so much more than the size of ones waist though, it's confidence, style, 'sparkle' in the eyes - in both men and women.

[Sad Mermaid]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Yes, it is mighty fine when you know you've scrubbed up well and it's appreciated in a respectful way.

I think attractiveness is so much more than the size of ones waist though, it's confidence, style, 'sparkle' in the eyes - in both men and women.

I would not say that it is the size of the waist, but the proportions have to be right - breasts and hips have to be bigger than the waist. I have seen gorgeous heavy women with huge butts or amplest hips who look terrific, but their waists are smaller and that makes all the difference.

My weight gain is from meds so it is not distributed in the feminine way (hips, thighs) but concentrated on the belly. I am slowly working on weight loss to counteract that. I have spent a lot of time watching people and noticed so many different, delightful shapes, but for women it is important that the waist be smaller (not small, but smaller) than other parts.

Other than that, I am totally with you on confidence and that sparkle in the eyes!

I have lost my figure too, my belly is too big. I suppose drinking alcohol and binge eating doesn't help. The trouble is I got a lot of my self confidence from compliments from men. Really wolf whistles are about wanting to shag you and nothing else, which is fine if that's what you want, but if it's not you shouldn't see them as complimentary.

If I like a guy and he finds me attractive it is a self confidence boost. If he is an a hole it isn't. I wouldn't go there now anyway but yes it's nice to feel wanted by a nice guy.

With me it would be good if I liked myself or got self confidence from things other than compliments from men. It's no wonder I have none as I haven't had many for a while! Apart from blokes who only wanted me for sex and would have said anything to get me into bed so I don't know if they meant them at all.

To answer the question, I used to like it but I wouldn't look now as I would presume it wasn't for me. To look would be big headed anyway, and it's not really about you, it's about your body, and how much they would like to shag you and shag you only. No judgement of people who only want that, but it was never something I wanted.

[Delicious]

I lived in Mexico for some time, the cat calling there was excessive! Literally every 5-10 minutes.

I walk really fast naturally, and I guess I learned to space out while I walk, since hearing the cat calls would make me angry.

If I'm with a friend, I do reply and tell them off. But that's about it.