Declining sexual desire with age?

I did think about posting this in the sexual/gender forum but tbh I would prefer female only replies due to the physiological nature of what I'm going through so I'm posting it here. Any other women who have experienced similar I would appreciate some sharing/input thanks.

All my married life (20 years) I have had what I regard as healthy sexual desire for my husband and sex has been a really wonderful and fun part of our marriage. He's older than me and I would say I've always (bar the first few years of our relationship) been the partner with the higher libido, and gradually over the years his desire has decreased. This has meant me adapting and coping with less sex than I would ideally have chosen. Not easy but that is just how it is and I totally appreciate his body is changing with age in this way and I respect that.

This last year things have really dwindled, and I had actually started to think that it may well be it for our sex life. It wasn't an easy prospect to face but I'm not young either, I'm approaching menopause I suspect and noticed my own desire was not what it was. Thinking about my feelings I realised that feeling loved was far more important to me than sex, and just snuggling and holding hands when alone together was really special and lovely.

Then last night he suddenly gets in the mood again and my own lack of response surprised me - I think he thought I was joking at first but I have literally forgotten how to go on. I just could not be bothered. I did reassure him I love him and that this is a physical thing for me, but it was so strange to find my response gone.

I'm not sure if it's my age/hormones or a case of I didn't use it so I lost it so to speak. Almost like my body has decided this is not necessary anymore so it's switched off.

Husband is okay with it, after all I was okay when his desire was gone (and he tells me he doesn't think it'll happen again for a while!) but it just feels weird - sex was such a great fun thing, real connection and togetherness - to suddenly just go ppphhtt feels a bit sad.

If it's use it or lose it, get a vibrator and get it back right now.

In order to tell you how I relate to you physically, here is some background info: my last period was in June (I am 53).

That being said, I think a person's libido is 50-90 percent (I don't know the exact percentage, just saying our physical health isn't the only thing that makes sex good) a mental activity.

When you say, "to suddenly just go ppphhtt feels a bit sad." It makes me think. My libido is high when I am optimistic and low when depressed. When things go ppphhtt, it doesn't necessarily make you want to try again the next day, but one week later--it might be great! And you may not have responded simply because there was no "anticipation." I can certainly relate to the Carly Simon song, sometimes I like to talk or hint about the activity for a while (even a day or two) before getting around to it. I think it "primes the pump" in a way. And sometimes we take turns; sometimes only one of us ends up satisfied. Sex is like gambling for me; it is fun when you score big. I hope you try again soon!

I have been consistently orgasmic while happy/while sad alone or with a partner my whole life. It's a very resilient organ. I agree, it's physical and mental. I am being serious about suggesting you get the vibrator.

Thanks both! I've been thinking about what you wrote and processing.

Tish, I must admit the idea of a vibrator doesn't do anything for me, he's always been all I need like that and psychologically this would be an adjustment for me - I understand what you mean though about keeping the blood flow to that area, kind of like maintenance mode. Never say never.

Mysterious, a lot of what you write had me nodding, yes a slower build up might have better results and I agree a lot of desire is mental as well as physical. He's had ED a couple of times and I suspect there is an anxiety impact of that on us both.

I should have mentioned I did have situational depression a year ago and had SSRI meds, they definitely lowered desire. I was doing really well so came off in the summer. Since then it's been a challenging time, new job which is very physical and tires me (early starts too so no morning snuggles) longer hours than I anticipated and also a close relative struggling with severe MH issues - along with all the other every day stuff. I wouldn't say I'm depressed (no tears like when I was before) but I feel flat much of the time and tired. When I was a youngster none of this would have interfered with my sex life, I was more resilient, I guess I'm feeling my age (still regular periods btw so not menopause just yet).

I had side effects with several AD's where I couldn't O. Cymbalta now is just fine.

Zoloft was pretty good for me but left me feeling dead to the world below the belt, I've been off it 5 months now though and I'm med free.