Triggered by jiu jitsu

Couldn't think of the proper place to put this, so I'll try here

I've told a few people I've started jiu jitsu and it's been tough.

I did tell the instructor that I had been assaulted twice. I didn't give him details and he doesn't know that it was rape and I didn't tell him about a kidnapping. He doesn't know that I dissociate and have other disorders, like PTSD.

He did recommend private training, but the lasts thing I want is to be alone with ANY man.

Lately, it's been very triggering and others in the team have noticed that I act a bit odd. I can't roll (fight) with males without dissociating or having weak panic attacks. Jiu jitsu is triggering enough. Add men and it's worse.

Whenever I try to sit out on something, I'm pressured into trying it and not allowed to sit out. I try not to complain but it does get to me.

I was thinking about telling him again, or another member after some time,but I hardly know them and don't really trust them yet. I was also thinking about if I should just tough it out...? I really love the sport and training, but it's getting to be too much and I have to take a few days off just to be able to recover and push myself to return again.
I have that or am I doomed to be a quitter?

(Therapy is not an option an this point in time until I graduate and have a free schedule.)

I think you will have to decide whether it's worth being triggered or not.There's a chance it could lessen but there's also a chance it could just keep getting worse.If it's getting to be too much then that should be your guide.

It's hard to know what to do in those situations.Good luck with whatever you decide.