Jealous of other women

Hi, I’m new to these forums. But a current situation has brought me here so I’m hoping somebody can relate. A little background about myself. I am a mom to three beautiful girls. 6,5 and 9 months. I am beyond in love with them. My brother and sister in law just had their first child and it’s a boy. It crushed me. That feeling of never having a boy is heavy on me. On top of that, I just found out that she went into the hospital thinking she might be having the baby and was 10 cm. She had the baby virtually pain free. I had 3 extremely long hard and painful labours. The last one was extremely difficult and perhaps I have a bit of ptsd from it.

I haven’t seen them or the baby yet and I am dreading it. I don’t want to hear about the “I didn’t even know I was having the baby” crap. And “oh it’s the first boy” crap.

I am full out jealous and acting like a baby but wow I haven’t shed this many tears in forever. So not sure what I’m looking for here but I guess I just want some experience with handling this kind of thing. And since I’m done having kids, I feel like every pregnancy I hear from here on out I’m going to die a little inside.

(I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have had 3 babies when so many struggle with 1. It makes me feel even more guilty having these feelings.)